I can't do it I can't do it I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT

I'm supposed to taper off 2 of my medications, including the anti-depressant that has completely turned things around for me, because it's 'too dangerous' for me to stay on them. My memory is that of an early-stage dementia patient, I have a tremor, I can hardly hold a conversation because of my ( Read more... )

I finally have an appointment with my primary. I haven't seen him since November. That's the longest I've gone in years without seeing a PCP. It means that this carefully built wall of denial won't be able to protect me anymore. I've intentionally had Mitochondrial disease in cat-state, and I truly didn't think I would discover anything worse. Of ( Read more... )

I think my hair has begun to grow back in finally. It's not all better, but it's improving.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

All I am, all that I was, has been replaced with side effects from medications, changing my personality, making me high or depressed or psychotic or manic. I don't know who the fuck I am anymore. I don't know WHAT the fuck I am anymore. Every day I'm someone new. The damage from trauma and long term medications pretty much assures that I will never ( Read more... )

Dear god I want that rabbit.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Since I'm not well enough to live on my own, and need living assistance, I live with my parents. As such, it's their house, and because it's their house, I don't get to make certain decisions for myself.

Primarily one right now is breaking my heart: I have decided I want to bring a second rabbit into my life. I am hurting and need all the ( Read more... )

There really isn't any good left in the world.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Firefly Moments that Broke My Heart:

Simon and River in War Stories

[Simon enters his and River’s room, where River is laying down, looking ill.]

Simon: Woah. Mei-mei. How you doing?
River: I threw up.
Simon: Mmm sorry, it's a side effect. We just have to find the right treatment for you. How do you feel now?
River: Going. Going back, like apple bits, ( Read more... )

I am so frustrated at myself. I want to be more functional. You know that feeling when you sit down, and you can't get yourself back up again? And you have to negotiate with yourself just to get up? It's that feeling of having to wind yourself up to get anything done, and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it just doesn't happen. It feels like ( Read more... )

It's really sickening to know that there are some people out there who have a problem with me based on my body shape, which I have no control over. It's not just obese people who receive hatred over their bodies. I refuse to apologise for something I have no control over. I don't have an eating disorder, I don't even diet for chrissake. God, I can' ( Read more... )