I'm so tired of this...

[jamesbock]

This is going to be a short vent. I am so royally angry with myself. I just spent 20 minutes sitting in the high school parking lot trying to talk myself into going inside to watch the final performance of the musical - an event I'd been looking forward to.

And I couldn't do it. I could not bring myself to walk in there alone. So I drove away

Comments

[sunnydaydreamer]

:( Don't hate yourself. I don't like going into things alone either. Were you afraid? What made it difficult?

[jamesbock]

That's where I was working when everything fell apart. So when I'm by myself all I can do is sit there thinking about what people are saying and even though it's not supposed to bother me... it does. =(

[sunnydaydreamer]

:( I don't know many people in Petersburg, so I can't understand exactly what you're feeling. But my guess is that most people probably don't remember, and if they did notice you come in, probably wouldn't talk about you anyway. I haven't talked with you about this in a long time, but the feeling in my heart is that you need to forgive yourself in the same way that Jesus forgives you. You probably know this in your head and it's harder to work out in your heart. I'm praying for you.

[jamesbock]

Yeah... I know. It'll probably never happen, though.

And yeah - small town life. People never forget anything.

[sunnydaydreamer]

Could you go with a friend? If Christ can forgive you, and me, and everyone, than He can give you the grace to forgive yourself too :) I just know it!