01: The Last Terrible Entry I'll Ever Write or; Will Dance For Tolerance.

[jamesmcvoy]

The Drum was most beautiful beneath a blanket of snow. Nan was the kind of woman who softened during winter. A bear approaching hibernation. Carols started at first frost, and while we listened to Bing sing his dreams of a White Christmas, my sister and I splashed about in puddles of shit-gray slush, hoping for an illness to excuse us from school

Comments

[behrjas]

It's amazing what kids don't always notice. I remember there was a stretch of time when we didn't have much, and I really had no concept of that. Ma would cut out coupons for half off the dollar theater and buy four candy bars for me and my brothers and we would go to the show. I have the most fond memories of those times, and now, looking back, I realize that things were so stretched that ma actually cut out coupons to only spend fifty cents a person. I never had any idea.

I think you had me at terrible 80's music. I'm at being behr, once you get your own AIM name set up.

[jamesmcvoy]

That's real love, man. It sort of makes me wonder how long she spent behind the scissors, you know? Calculating and plotting to make sure everyone had enough. As you grow and start to learn the value of money, the memory of it gets a bit sweeter, doesn't it? The best part, at least for me, was that no matter how badly I fucked up or how terribly I behaved, I never got a guilt trip about what was being sacrificed to make my life better.

I'll do my best not to disappoint, then. Thanks, man. I'll add it as soon as I gather my wits about me.

[gbernal]

I don't think it makes you a fraud or an idiot. Only a fool would be in love with the trappings of success, those stupid little things like limousines and free gift bags at events that tell us we're so much more important than the rest of the population...until someone turns eighteen and comes to take our jobs as they're the barely-legal heartthrobs. We always have to have something in mind or else we'd have no measure of how far we've come or how far we have to go. Too many people are robots without drive, and I think they're most often the ones with the silver spoons.

[jamesmcvoy]

I've no problem saying that I'm fucking terrified of being sucked into that sort of madness, though I certainly don't mind being able to afford frivolous things I like. Life is so much more than survival, of course. But that doesn't mean we need trade our integrity for the sake of what's obviously temporary. Too often it's wicked tempting to feel sorry for people born without the luxury of necessary ambition, but I'm quick to remind myself that eventually, we all find our way whether we like it or not. And I'd much rather have to ask myself The Difficult Questions while I'm still young and hungry for change.

[dluna]

I'm absurdly proficient with all the circus act. Not only did I grow up inside it but I put myself in the spotlight often enough because I thought it would lead me to a more sophisticated and grown up world and because I was young enough to get lost in everything it represented. I grew out of it, of being what people expected me to be and acting like I thought I needed to in order to be good at what I did. By now I just see it like a necessary evil, something I need to get through in order to do what I love the most. There was never an option for me, I was blind to anything else I might've been able to do because I always wanted to do this and I was determined. No one is handing me anything on a silver platter, so the effort is always worth it.

[jamesmcvoy]

I can't imagine being that single-mindedly determined to do anything other than be a good person. But it must've been different when you were a kid, seeing it through the rose-coloured glasses lads of a certain age wear. I'm trying to adapt that mindset, the necessary evil bit. Speaking of effort, I had the pleasure of seeing Chavez a few weeks ago and hahaha without being creepy or anything, I fucking adored it.

[kimberlybledel]

I was just thinking about this the other day. The moments in our lives when every thing goes right we can suddenly look upon the small moments, the mundane ones and love them for all their simple joy. We can be wide-eyed and in awe of how we're living and breathing. Those things tend to get ignored, in favor of the trivial things or if you're just having a bad day. It's all blocked out and it's a little sad.

I think I'm rambling now, but what you wrote here triggered what I was feeling yesterday so thank you for that.

You make yourself sound like an acquired taste.

[jamesmcvoy]

We learn to take the good with the bad with age, and what's more, we should appreciate the lows for giving us the wisdom to appreciate the highs. Basic knowledge, one would think, but it's so easy to focus on the negatives when they're slapping us about the head. Sad, yes. Human? Certainly.

Ramble away, lass. I'm stupidly long-winded when passionate about anything. Namely food and emotional pretension. No, no. Thank you for responding.

Hahaha oh, I am. You'll see.

[damnalbarn]

You're making me unbelievably nostalgic.

[jamesmcvoy]

How so, mate? Love your band, by the by.

[damnalbarn]

Sounds like Christmas at our house, actually.