Dear My 2004 Suzuki Forenza,

Go suck a fuck.

Love always,
Jamie

I'd jump up and down naked just to see if it felt as funny as it looks.

...I'd probably twist from left to right, too.

comes from ( Read more... )

When you're walking up to the door at your bank and there is someone else walking up to the door at the same time... does the thought ever cross your mind, just for a second, to quickly shut the door on them so that you can get a head start and get to a teller before they do?

Me either...

Today I was driving and a wishie flew into my car through the window. I made a wish, and it flew back out through the sun roof.

They say if it flies back up, your wish will come true. It's nice to still have childlike hope. :)

WARNING: Not intended for persons under the age of 18 or for the humor impaired.

(My BJ Haiku)

Please do be careful,
To not poke the gag reflex,
I don't want to puke.

Why does my mother feel it's necessary to text me lewd images and jokes?
Maybe she feels I am not getting enough of my daily dose of pornography?

...No mom, I do not want to "Superman that ho!" ...but thank you for being so considerate. I love you for it.

In fact, I've got more quirks and flaws than I can count on both hands...

...but I'm me.

Sometimes I feel like I am screaming in a crowded, silent room and still no one can hear me.

Maybe sometimes I want to color outside the lines.