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[jason_bateman]

Jesus, who do I have to blow to get a fucking paid account around here. I'd do it? But I'm Jason Bateman. I don't buy my own paid accounts, this much is gospel. Let's let those fingers do the ass-kissing, shall we? Until then you're stuck with these three icons that, while I found them equal parts insanely attractive, informative, and funny at

Comments

[poehler]

Let me be the first to suggest what I'm sure everyone else will be thinking:

jerk off jason

[jason_bateman]

Is it a suggestion or an insult? Tread lightly, heartbreaker.

[poehler]

Suggestion! I would never dream of insulting you, I'm not that kind of girl.

[jason_bateman]

That's not true. Remember when we got sloppy drunk and starting making out? I thought I had my A-game going until you insisted, "Come on! My brother kisses me better than that!" I'm still picking up the pieces of my shattered ego.

[w_arnett]

The people at Yes Dear won't let me back on the show, not after I put my penis in their peanut butter. jumanji jason because you're as hairy as Robin Williams and I likes it that way.

[jason_bateman]

And see, that is yet another reason why ours is a much, much better show than theirs. We let you put your penis in any number of things without flying off the handle. I hate that username almost as much as I hate it when you're on top.

[w_arnett]

So, not at all?

[hansenbeck]

BakeOPhiliacBateman

[jason_bateman]

That is pure genius and I will take it under advisement.

[derossi]

jason jerks off. jackass jason. bitch bateman. I am far too tired to be creative, Jason. Although I can get paid accounts.

[jason_bateman]

Well of course you can you've swallowed half the sperm in tinseltown.

[derossi]

Jealousy is not a good color. Offer removed.