No i'm not talking killing myself while being sober. I almost killed my sobriety tonight. I went to a meeting feeling jittery and I did not get the chance to share how I was feeling in the meeting. I was nervous and I really wanted a drink. My Brother called and was being an asshole. He wanted me to meet him at Ryan's for dinner. I was ( Read more... )

so I'm 11 days in... Sobriety looks good on me. My eyes are clear and bright. I seem to be able to function as a human being again. I still want a drink. I want a drink every second of every day. I'm very shaky at the moment. I spoke with my potential sponsor. We're gonna catch a meeting on Saturday. It's different talking with an ( Read more... )

i'm going on my third day sober. I came home monday during my lunch break and poured every drop of liqueur i own down the drain. It's a hard sight. But so it looking in the mirror and realizing that you lost control. That you lost it a long time ago. I've not had many sober moments in 8 years. I still want a drink. I guess I always will. I' ( Read more... )

hey do I'm not moving... my girlfriend's headed to Vegas so I'm just gonna stay here and make money

and the bottom of the fifth once again and the only thing loaded is myself... They go much too quickly these days. I have not experienced a sober moment in more than two months. I am in full swing and feeling just as low as I ever have. But the good news is that come sept 1st I will be a NH resident once again. I'm quitting my job tomorrow and ( Read more... )

I took a personal inventory tonight and it occurs to me the my list of friends does not quite constitute a list. I use to hold many people dear but I have since closed the door to most. I said proudly once that I drew a line in the sand and you were either in the circle or on the outside looking in ( Read more... )

heading for a break down, have been for a long time... I need a break from my life for like 5 minutes. I do stupid things from time to time and I just want friends to know that I'm sorry and I hope you know it's just Jay being Jay (especially when he drinks),

I hate being the jealous boyfriend. I hate the knots in stomach, the panic feeling and the shallow breathing. I hate being pissed off all the time. I hate how my hands shake. I hate how I need to hear the words I LOVE YOU. I hate how I smile when I think or her. I hate being possesive. I hate being me. Makes me wanna cry...

Im not as dumb as I look. Someone close to me did exactly what I hoped would not happen. Both she and her friend played beer pong w/ vodka at some guys apartment and they both ened up passing out. I guess they stopped drinking at 6am. Its gotta be 10:15pm where she is. She has a hangover and I hope that's the worst of it. Her friend has SEVER ( Read more... )

I just finished the movie "walk the line," the story about the life of Johnny Cash. He became entangled in drugs, despair, pain, and misery. In the film June Carter and her family intervein to help Johnny become clean. There is a legendary story about "nickajack cave." In a drug and alcohol induced stooper Johnny cash traveled in to the ( Read more... )