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subconscious. always whispering every terrible thing I refuse to admit to myself in the waking world. always driving the point home when I can't run away from it. always reminding me that no matter how hard I try, nothing will ever change. always making it perfectly clear that deep down, I know it all to be true
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over being. so just over -
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I do not want radiation. I flat out refuse chemo. does that mean I'm automatically choosing the 3rd option? do I have a real honest true reason to go through anything else? I'm tired. it's been a long life, particularly the last 12 years, of fighting uphill. my body likes tumors of all kinds, let it have the tumors -
Temporary
in the midst of some very lively discussions (fairly) recently, I brought up what was perceived as my time as a "temporary" - *noun, one serving for a limited time*. I was wide awake, doing what I love - writing - and reading over previous writings, when I saw this inexplicable pattern of nonsense. at least on my part. I was so disgusted with ( Read more... ) -
Vices
note to self: Norco and wine are a terribly bad combination
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Misplaced
oh man I had the wicked thought recently that I was really glad my son didn't make it. looking at how things progressed, I think I'd hate to be tied down to his father in any way. and then I remembered that at the time, I had already made the decision that he was never going to know about Austin. He would be two and living his little baby life, and ( Read more... ) -
Tattoos
July 2005 - Back tattoo, 1st tattoo; immature by comparison in the evolution of my pieces - black playboy bunny accented with "Heaven Sent ( Read more... ) -
patterns
it took me 10 years. ten years to realize ( Read more... ) -
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I feel like the last kid to hit puberty, watching everyone else sprout and such.
Except it's adulthood that I'm the last to hit, I'm watching everyone else blow through milestones while I hang out with the scrubs again.
"Why do you keep putting me with the scrubs Jared?"