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My writing has been so slow lately. sluggish. my brain foggy. I've been writing but...disjointed. random pieces here and there. some longer ones on the tablet. But...kind of recently things have switched up. I think I've found a new muse. I mean I could write about the messed up parts of my life. There are so. so. so so SO many. but I think I like ( Read more... ) -
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All it took was one sentence. One careless whisper. And my entire perception has been changed forever. -
Baby Babble
it's growing increasingly difficult. every day there's a new someone - someone close to me, coming up pregnant. I'm happy for them, I really am. especially Kay. But there is no way that every announcement isn't taken as another gut punch. a giant F-U from above. Austin would be two next week. I can't stay all upbeat and cheery for everyone else ( Read more... ) -
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people ask you how you're doing, how you're feeling. they don't actually want to know. half of the time they don't actually care. they do it out of habit, being polite. but they don't really want to hear the truth. because no one likes to hear about the dark hopelessness that is reality for some. why burst their perfect bubble of perpetual ( Read more... ) -
my subconscious is a complete asshole. I spent last night dreaming of a chubby little cherub that I got to carry around, help with potty training, and listen as he told me all kinds of things about himself.
And then this woman, in all of her innocent curiosity, asks me if I'm practicing for my own children. haha...if only -
Marriage
what's the problem? marriage isn't for everyone. I've gotten way past the desire to be married and get involved in that whole "husband and wife" thing. my friends look at me with that whole "don't you wanna be happy like us" attitude. no thank you. not when I've seen married couples stay together until the kids reach 18 and split. or not split just ( Read more... ) -
this post-surgery is messing with me. ever since I came out the other side I've been thinking more and more about Austin. What kind of person he would be. Would he be outgoing or a quiet introvert. his favorite color, and favorite food. if he'd look more like me or his dad. how awesome it would be to come home and have him run into my arms, ( Read more... )
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Doing Fine
People ask me all the time, “How are you doing?” To most people I simply tell them “I’m doing better” or even in some cases just simply keep the conversation moving. I tell them “I’m doing fine” but the truth of the matter is I really don’t know how I’m doing. I really don’t.
How are you supposed to be doing after you’ve lost your babies? After ( Read more... )