I think my last post was on my birthday last year.

God what has happened since. October of 09 I broke up with Jessi. It was heart rending. For a long time, and still sometimes now, I feel like it was a mistake. No one in the world could make love as hard. She made me laugh, cry, sing, fear, and fight more than anyone in the world. And when it was ( Read more... )

I see you in a tidal wave

Salty animosity streaking down your face

The world would stop to ease your pain

And start only if you’d smile again

I see you like a comet comes

Busting on the edge of sight

Making day on darkest night

The fire of your touch -

I want you in gold and red

Shaking stardust on the bed where we lie

You are shining, shimmer ( Read more... )

she went over to his apartment
clutching her decision
and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window
of her reply
and she felt like an actress
just reading her lines
when she finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and ( Read more... )

I have a sick feeling at the bottom of my throat, a lot like nausea, a lot like guilt, and a lot like fear. Root of it all, what happens when you "assume"? Right. What an ass ( Read more... )

Wine rich and running rivulets across the embroidered napkin
back and back to the tipped glass
back and back to the still shaking hand
limp on the table
because it is days ago
because it is years go
and I still cannot forget
and I still cannot forgive myself

Oh, tell me forever
instead of with actions
paint words in opulent disregard
all over the roadsigns
all over the walls
write out forever a hundred times
til the ink runs out
I want this proof of your love
written down
Oh, whisper forever
instead of with hands
hands which give and take away
which turn and go palms down
to shove off
to slap down
I want some ( Read more... )

I've felt more violent in the last week than I remember ever feeling. Not just resltess, though that too, but actually "I want my fist making contact with her face" violent. Then again, domestic assault is a charge I can't shake for my whole life and going to jail messes with my goal schedule with my career. Also, with any other career I may want, ( Read more... )

Last night I asked Jessi what she wants, really wants, in a romantic partner. The first thing out of her mouth was "sensitivity, emotional strength, and understanding me without having to ask me." Then, someone to protect her, defend her, and take care of her - but let her do some things, too, if she wanted to.

So then she asked what I wanted.

I  ( Read more... )

I imagine statues in the rain ( Read more... )

Waves pound rhythm unending Pushing pulling stretching bending
Every Stop I scream welcomes a stream of salt water sting in the back of my throat
I can't float in the ebb and flow the valley tumbles foaming over