I sit I fidget I brood I get swallowed up by a suffocating wave of confusion cloaked in a carefully constructed conception of clarity as frail desperate and transparent as the wings of a fly struggling in futility against an eminently convoluted spiderweb ( Read more... )

i sit lazily listening to resonant melancholy melodies in a sultry alto accented by rhythmic raindrops trickling down smooth glass accompanied by a reminiscent inner monologue and i am momentarily paralyzed with awe at the wisdom of the honest and the honesty of the wise and i wish it were me who had the answers and spoke the truth. without warning ( Read more... )

do me a favor. someday (it's never too late), when it catches your eye; perhaps if only upon emerging from a concentrated reverie to find it the focus of your gaze: look at something common, something you see every day, something natural that exists independent of the human condition. and fucking think about it. think about it, appreciate it, ( Read more... )

relentless fear(s), baseless yet clear and palpable, and the inevitable desire to capitulate. to be defiant is only possible in the presence of cerebral thought, which in context is necessarily evasive. the real question is from where, and to that extent, to whose benefit, come these tireless fears? for whom and toward what productive end do ( Read more... )

enveloped by the silence of a city wrapped in slumber, shaking off the haze of heavy-lidded morning. interrupted by conversation, sparse and dulled, in the sudden presence of many and the absence of conscious thought. the unlikely forest of a metropolis, its depth sharpened tree by tree, is illuminated in dense twilight coastal fog ( Read more... )

We sat at a table in the corner, chilled by autumn-scented air seeping in through dusty windowpanes running the length of the street-facing wall, draped in the muddled ambiance of the restaurant: kitschy, yet comfortable. Flowing sheets, patterned to resemble intricately woven rugs, sagged from the ceiling; rhythmic Indian music pulsed through ( Read more... )

i've been nannying a four-year-old named nathaniel who has a more extensive vocabulary than half the adult population of the world, i think, and calls me suh-neffuhnee. hanging out with him so much has made me ache for my youth in ways i can't begin to qualify. childhood is, once outgrown, an incontrovertibly unattainable existence worthy of ( Read more... )

I wish I could live in accordance with the ideals I strive for. I know I'll never get there.

I am beginning to realize exactly the degree to which my state of mind depends on the people in my life.

Often I allow even the most banal activity and interaction to weigh heavily on my mind. The hopeful authenticity of a friendly hello between strangers; the sobering injustice of a panhandler's plight; the awe-inspiring genius of a thought-provoking poem; the depressing reality of a three-car pileup. All evoke within me a similarly excessive ( Read more... )