Like Jes, it is hard to find good thing to write about. I am overwhelmed by the pollen & my depression.  The drinking has been on & off, mostly on. I cry so much if I don't have wine. It seems to be the only way past my tears. Today is the worst in quite a while. It hasn't let up for some time & I can't imagine facing anyone....There is much ( Read more... )

Have not been in the frame of mind to write the past few days. But this tool won't help unless I USE IT !!  I am sad, every day and have has crying breakdowns every day as well. No f - ing fun ! Have done OK with the drinking but every few days I have gone over my target. Some days it seems like the only way not to cry... Guess I'm having a pity ( Read more... )

     Jes says I need to journal my progress with moderating the wine in my life. I guess I quit because the progress seems to have hit a snag. My goal is 1/2 bottle or 2 & 1/2 glasses in a day. In deference to my attempts, I have made progress....the good news is I can say I do not exceed 1 bottle in a day hardly ever. The bad news is I seem to be ( Read more... )

 After, much thought & reading , I now understand there there has to be a basic reason for my need to escape. I kept thinking it was some big dark secret....  but for some reason or several I now know what I need to escape.... STRESS.  Now a few of my friends might say they have already suggested that, but apparently I wasn't listening. When self ( Read more... )

Hurray our holidays are behind us now and I want to say while I was not a teetotaler, I was not the belligerent drunk either. Could have been better but for the most part I held my own and did lots of the reading for the gathering. Now I am on my own and need to prove to myself I can manage & control my need to be more than I am without without ( Read more... )

    Trying to understand addiction. I know I am not doing very well at it. Jes is the biggest thing between me and denial. The goals I set for myself to prove I can control this, have not been reached, no matter how hard I try. There may be an amount of wine I can drink and not be an alcoholic, but not while I am an alcoholic.... Maybe it is too ( Read more... )

Leaving London, at the airport, having breakfast & waiting for the flight to Charlotte. Spent last nite at Jes's, while she and Mark had a nite out. There was just 1 & 1/3 glasses left in the bottle I bought 3 days ago. There was a pub next door and I knew I could pop over and get a glass, I didn't. Just packed and worked on the 1500 or so pixs ( Read more... )

Well, today I had wine, 3 glasses in 7 hours. Jes says it was over my limit but it felt pretty good to me. I certainly was not high at any point, but it felt good to drink on Saturday nite and not over do it!  With our adventures of the evening, it really seemed appropriate to me. After several days of studing options, I started calling Bellydance ( Read more... )

Well my time in London/ Europe is coming to an end and I am doing my best to make my body & Jes happy. One glass of wine in 3 days is pretty good, not even any wine in the house! I like to think I am more in control of the wine now than when I came here. Jes has been a great/ hard mentor. It makes us both happy to believe my liver is getting less ( Read more... )

Having been in Europe for 3 weeks has been great. I need to thanks Jessamyn for keeping me real. This journal began with me wanting to modifying my drinking to healthier levels. I thought I was doing better than I really was and now Jes is making / helping me live the talk. Since I have been here, 20 some days, I have had 2 non drinking days, yea ( Read more... )