• The time when you forget that you own a phone, is when you know you don't have a social life.
  
• One good thing about not having friends is you don't have to buy furniture for them to sit on.
  

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• It's surprising that a technology site like Engadget has the most stupidest commentors.
  

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• I feel like a senior citizen with this twitter thing. I only know how to follow and post updates. WTF is the retweet? How do I comment?
  

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• Posting again but nothing going on. My abs are disappearing. I'm buying a new manlier wallet to replace my gay one. Good thing I got paid.
  

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17:40 Holy pepperonis. I got nipple flashed at the gym. #

20:18 That was arousing. #

18:07 After watching The Community trailer. "Oh it's about community college. I go there too. ha ha." #

20:41 Im not bending over for a penny. #

18:16 S: Oh shit‚ I sneezed.
Me: OMG I inhaled. #

14:42 She's pretty. It's too bad she laughs like a tickled pony. #

23:21 Why is the car window getting blurry? Oh....Its raining. #

23:31 I blanked out during an erection. Wait what? Oh..Intersection. Clearly penises are in my head. Sorry. #