so, I surrender myself to the fact that this is my life. i've traveled many distances, and have seen many things, and wind up right back here. i'm not sad... no, i am sad, and i'm not okay... but ya know what? i can't expect anything. and that fact leaves me a little bitter. the only joy these days is my eyesight fading in and out of focus while i ( Read more... )

so i've made a decision. The main reason i haven't wanted to delete my journal is because i have hundreds of entries over the past few years.... But i've decided to print those all out, make a book, and then delete my online journal. Not for any reason, except that it's just time. i never update about anything serious in my life, i don't trust an ( Read more... )

well, how about ending my vacation back at work? i was supposed to have off today and monday, but no dice ( Read more... )

my back hurts bad, the pain in my ankle is traveling up to my calf now...fucker... anyway, i gotta go to the chiropractor. yes...

back to paper for a while i guess....

until next time, whenever that is.

i remain,
jen

it's a realization i guess, that i have no friends... not only by choice, but in one account on accident. Well, i fucked it up again and destroyed whatever was left of me and snail. A few weeks ago i was at her place with ken and i don't know what happened exactly, but, we ended up fuckin up her neighbors shoes, on accident, i don't remember it ( Read more... )

Friday is here, why do i not look forward to the weekends? I mean it doesn't even matter that i get to sleep in because i always feel guilty when i sleep in... i like having extra time with ken in the mornings on the weekend... when he's home anyway, i hate when he stays out all night and i don't see him till the next morning or later... But i ( Read more... )

it's loud back here right now ( i'm at work) someone is spraying down screens with a pressure washer and the noise it generates is outstanding. We're supposed to wear ear plugs... but we don't and i've noticed my hearing is worse since i started here. sigh... blue collar work. But, i do not dream of a desk job, in fact i have no dream job ( Read more... )

((sigh)) Mondays ( Read more... )

i was full of some form of energy this morning and afternoon that made me want to work... hard... i pounded out 4, 3 color jobs today all before noon, thats fucking warp speed, homie. did i spell warp right? don;'t answer that i hate being corrected, it's fucking annoying... just another reminder of my own stupidity. i think my reaction to ( Read more... )

there are days like these where my vision blurs all on its own, I can't focus... smoke something and the smoke fades out my vision and i can't see straight for a second... it's freedom from sight... but i need to see whats ahead of me... the smoke clears but all is still fogged out, i put my head down surround myself with darkness... lifet my head ( Read more... )