Right Now #3
Title: Right Now
Rating: PG-13
By: Jenda Vis
Spoilers: Up through Broken Ties
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex
Genre: Angst, veering into AU
Warnings: Dubious unbetaed prose
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, don't take this too seriously.
Summary: Right now, things are a mess.
A/N: Just something I almost threw inside IATW that wouldn't leave me alone.
Right Now #1
Right Now #2
Right Now #3
Right now, the attention is off of him for a minute, so Ronon spares a moment trying to guess how this new-fucked-strange-happy situation will fall apart. Wonders if that's the normal reaction. Because he knows, now, that it's really her. It's not some ruse, not some wraith trick. It's not the universe coming through to fuck with him. At least it doesn't feel that way.
Maybe they're all hallucinating this. Considers asking McKay about it. Maybe they've slipped universes and didn't realize it, or maybe she did. She's not supposed to be here and she is. It's a lot harder to understand than she's supposed to be here and she isn't.
But right now isn't the time, because McKay's introducing himself to his mother, and now Ronon has to worry about all the ways this conversation is going to fall apart, as well.
---
"So, forgive me for saying so, but no one thought you survived the fall of Sateda," McKay begins, and shifts a bit, like he's just been kicked under the table. Glances sideways at John, and back to Ty.
"It would have been the more likely reality," Ty agrees. "I was offworld when it happened," she shrugs, drinks some coffee, though she obviously doesn't care much for the taste. Ronon wonders if she's going to go into detail again. Doesn't want to have to watch their faces when she says she was off shopping for his wedding blanket.
"I came back, saw what had happened, and returned to Bavno. Found a place to stay, found some work, and decided to remain there. I never planned to leave again." She grins. "Barring unforeseen good reason."
---
When it finally hits, when the layer of shock finally starts to fade, he's alone in his room, dressing for sleep. Finishes pulling up the flannel pants and sits, staring, as he realizes that he doesn't have to worry, anymore, about it not being true.
Doesn't know why it doesn't make him feel any better.
He stalks out towards the balcony, but it's not nearly low enough. Hops over to a nearby catwalk and down the steps. Keeps going until he hits the pier, and begins to run. Takes him too long to hit his stride- it's not satisfying, and he wasn't wearing his boots.
He stares, for a while, back to the city from the farthest edge of the pier and imagines falling backwards. Wonders if the city will let him fall, and it's irritating, this want that he has, to leave, to run, to evade all of this.
Wonders if this is the punch line, if this is the planned result.
---
John stares at the ceiling, pretends not to think about all the ways things are going to fall apart, so when the chimes sound, he already knows what he'll find on the other side of the door.
Ronon, alone in the hallway in his flannel sleep pants and a T-shirt, collar stretched all out of shape, arms around his midsection, face closing in on half-awake misery. Not at all looking like he's packed his bags and is just stopping in to say goodbye.
It's somewhere past two in the morning, far too late for talking, or for lights, so they stay off as John ushers Ronon inside and towards the bed. He can smell the ocean in Ronon's hair, feel the damp chill of the air leaving his skin when he brushes past.
He gets Ronon situated, pulls the covers up, and starts to extend his arm, but Ronon's already rolling into him, burying his face in the pillow next to John's ear.
John thinks he might only want to sleep, but Ronon starts to speak, more haltingly than he's supposed to.
"I never looked for her. Just gave up on her and let the wraith get me. Get to me. I've killed my own people. How am I supposed to keep facing her?"
"Same as you did today."
Ronon's answer, when it comes, is hesitant silence, so John pulls a little closer, holds a little tighter. Kisses skin when he finds it, but it's not about that.
"Look. Ah. You'll figure it out. It's gonna be alright."
It doesn't work. Ronon's tense, still. Like there's something more he doesn't want to say. And he's dodging John's eyes like he doesn't want John asking. John asks anyway.
"What is it?"
---
From here, Ronon can see the stubble creeping up the side of John's throat, and it's safer to look at than John's eyes are.
"She hasn't changed. It's weird."
"She's your mother. Still the same person she used to be." John points out, but Ronon's shaking his head. Wraps his hand around John's shoulder a little tighter, trying to will John into understanding.
It doesn't work, so he has to speak. "But I'm not." Not the son she remembers. Not the son she loved.
"Well, you've been through a lot in ten years. Running, fighting. All that."
Ronon nods. That's not all of it, but how he's supposed to add turning into someone who would lie here like this with you, or less than a month ago, I would have killed you just to amuse the wraith, Ronon can't figure. Feels shitty enough just thinking about it.
"You don't have to tell her everything. About being under control of the wraith," John's talking like he doesn't realize he's pulled the worries right out of Ronon's head. It's just something he does sometimes. When he forgets to be oblivious. "Or. Y'know. About us," he's talking quietly. Trying to show that he could disavow their relationship if Ronon needs him to.
"But I should."
---
"That's entirely up to you. I'll back you either way." Ronon shrugs, and it's a little insulting, but John's starting to understand something he'll never ever say to Ronon.
Right now, John fucking hates Sateda.
Presses his face into Ronon's hair, feels that his breathing's finally starting to even out. He's not asleep, yet, but he's close, and John thinks the words like he would speak them if he could.
Sateda just rears it's head every once in a while to knock you on your ass, just to see if you'll stand up again, come back for more. See how much you can fight and survive.
He pulls away a little, and sets the alarm for too damned early. Ronon shouldn't be here when Atlantis wakes, wasn't supposed to be here at all tonight, but John's glad that he is.
---
They're with him, sitting on the balcony bench, Ty and John, when Torren comes out to join them. And, oh yes, that's Teyla carrying him, but Torren's taking over the conversation the way every newborn in every galaxy has done from time immemorial.
And it's welcome relief, Ronon decides, at least at first, even if Mother is threatening to entertain them all with stories from his childhood. Even as embarrassing as this sounds, it's still a relief, because, hell. She's here to tell them.
So it's all right, up until Mother, beaming with a baby on her lap turns over to him and asks, "So, Ronon, have you thought about having any children of your own yet?"
It rolls off of Teyla, she's playing with Torren's tiny hand, but Ronon feels John go still beside him, but right now, he can't turn to read his face.
"Ah. No. Haven't thought about it."
"Have you met anyone?"
Ronon sighs. This one, he can answer. "Yes." Finds himself wanting to cough, like what he's going to say next should be heard more clearly than it's going to be. "Ah. Mother. I."
Teyla is paying attention, it seems, because she rises, making her excuses, and takes Torren with her when she leaves. Manages to do all of this without seeming obvious or rude.
John moves to follow, but Ronon's hand tugs at the back of his shirt, pulls him back down to the bench, and from the look spreading across his mother's face, he probably doesn't need to say anything at all.
But he does, anyway. Because as much as he wants to run, John was just about to start, and if he's about to fuck everything up, he wants John here. It's just easier than having to explain it later. Saves time.
"I already have." His mother's almost got that same expression she had so long ago, when he came home early to tell her that he would be marrying Melena, that she accepted the arrangement. Having made the arrangements herself, with Melena's mother, she'd already known. But she'd been thrilled to hear it from him anyway.
This time, she knows nothing, and this is where the difference lies. Why she's looking so anticipatory. It's going to suck when he wipes that expression off her face, and he memorizes it. This might be the last time she smiles at him.
He's not looking, but his hand finds John's unerringly. John squeezes back and holds on, but beyond that, he's still. Tense and waiting like a coiled wire. "I. He. We're together. I love him."
Right Now #4
Rating: PG-13
By: Jenda Vis
Spoilers: Up through Broken Ties
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex
Genre: Angst, veering into AU
Warnings: Dubious unbetaed prose
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, don't take this too seriously.
Summary: Right now, things are a mess.
A/N: Just something I almost threw inside IATW that wouldn't leave me alone.
Right Now #1
Right Now #2
Right Now #3
Right now, the attention is off of him for a minute, so Ronon spares a moment trying to guess how this new-fucked-strange-happy situation will fall apart. Wonders if that's the normal reaction. Because he knows, now, that it's really her. It's not some ruse, not some wraith trick. It's not the universe coming through to fuck with him. At least it doesn't feel that way.
Maybe they're all hallucinating this. Considers asking McKay about it. Maybe they've slipped universes and didn't realize it, or maybe she did. She's not supposed to be here and she is. It's a lot harder to understand than she's supposed to be here and she isn't.
But right now isn't the time, because McKay's introducing himself to his mother, and now Ronon has to worry about all the ways this conversation is going to fall apart, as well.
---
"So, forgive me for saying so, but no one thought you survived the fall of Sateda," McKay begins, and shifts a bit, like he's just been kicked under the table. Glances sideways at John, and back to Ty.
"It would have been the more likely reality," Ty agrees. "I was offworld when it happened," she shrugs, drinks some coffee, though she obviously doesn't care much for the taste. Ronon wonders if she's going to go into detail again. Doesn't want to have to watch their faces when she says she was off shopping for his wedding blanket.
"I came back, saw what had happened, and returned to Bavno. Found a place to stay, found some work, and decided to remain there. I never planned to leave again." She grins. "Barring unforeseen good reason."
---
When it finally hits, when the layer of shock finally starts to fade, he's alone in his room, dressing for sleep. Finishes pulling up the flannel pants and sits, staring, as he realizes that he doesn't have to worry, anymore, about it not being true.
Doesn't know why it doesn't make him feel any better.
He stalks out towards the balcony, but it's not nearly low enough. Hops over to a nearby catwalk and down the steps. Keeps going until he hits the pier, and begins to run. Takes him too long to hit his stride- it's not satisfying, and he wasn't wearing his boots.
He stares, for a while, back to the city from the farthest edge of the pier and imagines falling backwards. Wonders if the city will let him fall, and it's irritating, this want that he has, to leave, to run, to evade all of this.
Wonders if this is the punch line, if this is the planned result.
---
John stares at the ceiling, pretends not to think about all the ways things are going to fall apart, so when the chimes sound, he already knows what he'll find on the other side of the door.
Ronon, alone in the hallway in his flannel sleep pants and a T-shirt, collar stretched all out of shape, arms around his midsection, face closing in on half-awake misery. Not at all looking like he's packed his bags and is just stopping in to say goodbye.
It's somewhere past two in the morning, far too late for talking, or for lights, so they stay off as John ushers Ronon inside and towards the bed. He can smell the ocean in Ronon's hair, feel the damp chill of the air leaving his skin when he brushes past.
He gets Ronon situated, pulls the covers up, and starts to extend his arm, but Ronon's already rolling into him, burying his face in the pillow next to John's ear.
John thinks he might only want to sleep, but Ronon starts to speak, more haltingly than he's supposed to.
"I never looked for her. Just gave up on her and let the wraith get me. Get to me. I've killed my own people. How am I supposed to keep facing her?"
"Same as you did today."
Ronon's answer, when it comes, is hesitant silence, so John pulls a little closer, holds a little tighter. Kisses skin when he finds it, but it's not about that.
"Look. Ah. You'll figure it out. It's gonna be alright."
It doesn't work. Ronon's tense, still. Like there's something more he doesn't want to say. And he's dodging John's eyes like he doesn't want John asking. John asks anyway.
"What is it?"
---
From here, Ronon can see the stubble creeping up the side of John's throat, and it's safer to look at than John's eyes are.
"She hasn't changed. It's weird."
"She's your mother. Still the same person she used to be." John points out, but Ronon's shaking his head. Wraps his hand around John's shoulder a little tighter, trying to will John into understanding.
It doesn't work, so he has to speak. "But I'm not." Not the son she remembers. Not the son she loved.
"Well, you've been through a lot in ten years. Running, fighting. All that."
Ronon nods. That's not all of it, but how he's supposed to add turning into someone who would lie here like this with you, or less than a month ago, I would have killed you just to amuse the wraith, Ronon can't figure. Feels shitty enough just thinking about it.
"You don't have to tell her everything. About being under control of the wraith," John's talking like he doesn't realize he's pulled the worries right out of Ronon's head. It's just something he does sometimes. When he forgets to be oblivious. "Or. Y'know. About us," he's talking quietly. Trying to show that he could disavow their relationship if Ronon needs him to.
"But I should."
---
"That's entirely up to you. I'll back you either way." Ronon shrugs, and it's a little insulting, but John's starting to understand something he'll never ever say to Ronon.
Right now, John fucking hates Sateda.
Presses his face into Ronon's hair, feels that his breathing's finally starting to even out. He's not asleep, yet, but he's close, and John thinks the words like he would speak them if he could.
Sateda just rears it's head every once in a while to knock you on your ass, just to see if you'll stand up again, come back for more. See how much you can fight and survive.
He pulls away a little, and sets the alarm for too damned early. Ronon shouldn't be here when Atlantis wakes, wasn't supposed to be here at all tonight, but John's glad that he is.
---
They're with him, sitting on the balcony bench, Ty and John, when Torren comes out to join them. And, oh yes, that's Teyla carrying him, but Torren's taking over the conversation the way every newborn in every galaxy has done from time immemorial.
And it's welcome relief, Ronon decides, at least at first, even if Mother is threatening to entertain them all with stories from his childhood. Even as embarrassing as this sounds, it's still a relief, because, hell. She's here to tell them.
So it's all right, up until Mother, beaming with a baby on her lap turns over to him and asks, "So, Ronon, have you thought about having any children of your own yet?"
It rolls off of Teyla, she's playing with Torren's tiny hand, but Ronon feels John go still beside him, but right now, he can't turn to read his face.
"Ah. No. Haven't thought about it."
"Have you met anyone?"
Ronon sighs. This one, he can answer. "Yes." Finds himself wanting to cough, like what he's going to say next should be heard more clearly than it's going to be. "Ah. Mother. I."
Teyla is paying attention, it seems, because she rises, making her excuses, and takes Torren with her when she leaves. Manages to do all of this without seeming obvious or rude.
John moves to follow, but Ronon's hand tugs at the back of his shirt, pulls him back down to the bench, and from the look spreading across his mother's face, he probably doesn't need to say anything at all.
But he does, anyway. Because as much as he wants to run, John was just about to start, and if he's about to fuck everything up, he wants John here. It's just easier than having to explain it later. Saves time.
"I already have." His mother's almost got that same expression she had so long ago, when he came home early to tell her that he would be marrying Melena, that she accepted the arrangement. Having made the arrangements herself, with Melena's mother, she'd already known. But she'd been thrilled to hear it from him anyway.
This time, she knows nothing, and this is where the difference lies. Why she's looking so anticipatory. It's going to suck when he wipes that expression off her face, and he memorizes it. This might be the last time she smiles at him.
He's not looking, but his hand finds John's unerringly. John squeezes back and holds on, but beyond that, he's still. Tense and waiting like a coiled wire. "I. He. We're together. I love him."
Right Now #4