been toying with reality and what seems real to me lately ( Read more... )

he's been a selfish person ever since met him 9 years ago. forced myself not to see that as much as i could because i didn't want to. and now that is all i see. he doesn't care if i am dead or alive, and i feel the same because we are both already dead to one another. the two people who were made for each other and in love died together. we are

most of the people i know/knew are married/getting married, and even have some kids. i'm single with a cat.but, i guess i just want so much more right now. to settle down and start all that would kill my plans forever. i will be living an adventure for myself within the next year, and i am focusing on it until i get there.

a couple of my greatest strengths:
my perfected skill of surmising the sweetest revenge.
my quick tongue, so sharp it cuts glass.
perhaps, they are not favorable strengths considered by most, but why ignore such gifts?

in just over a month, i think that things will start to get better for me. this past year living all on my own was rough emotionally, psychologically, and, of course financially.
..felt the most alone this part of my life than any other part.
should be over soon.

if this person knew i was leaving someday, someday soon, would he still be near me? and if he knew i will be breaking his heart, would he still give it to me?

"even if i wanted to, i could never stop caring about you jen."

i used to be that naive.

i'm really really glad that he finally realizes that "all we ever had" was fucking bullshit. i'm even more glad that he decided to brainwash a teenager in order to discover this epiphany. ::shudders:: gross.

i might be in some type of coma. i am not unconscious however, but i am definitely lifeless. the effort it takes to do anything is so great, yet so useless. the time it takes to decide on anything is exhausting. my mind constantly battles itself. if i do not escape this daily grind, my spirit will regrettably start to die. even so, i sit here ( Read more... )

i pretty much don't know what's going on anymore. it's all really too confusing to create a structure worth caring about. and seemingly with conviction, there is only one thing left to do. execute the parade of preliminary plans. carefully. diligently. patiently. and with full ambition and hope that all the pieces will fall into place to reveal the ( Read more... )

my best friend amy is now married. i have mixed feelings about the whole thing. i am definitely very happy for her; but at the same time, i am somewhat saddened- mainly because i know that she has a new life to start far far away. lately, i've been reflecting on all the fun times amy and i had in high school. i really really miss those times. she ( Read more... )