fic: (CSI:NY) Ignition - Part 3 (of 3)
Ignition (3)
Part One - Burning - here
Part Two - Blinding - here
They talked the whole night and didn't even stop when the first rays of the morning sun fell through the windows of his apartment. Mac told about some of the more personal aspects of and incidents in his life and work in the past three years; most of the talking however did Stella, telling him about their daughter, about every little detail she was able to recall. She regretted not having her photo albums and the loads of digital pictures and videos with her, but promised she would show him everything as soon as they saw each other again.
Mentioning the next time they'd meet again brought a halt to their till then flowing conversation. Suddenly, the uncertainty, the doubts and hesitation, were back and made them both shift uncomfortable in their respective seats. Despite a night long of talking, they hadn't yet figured out where they would go from there in their friendship, their relationship; they hadn't even talked about it to start with. Instead, they had skillfully avoided the topic, only to now stare into its distorted, unforgiving face.
But regardless of the time they took to discuss it - the result would always be the same.
Mac couldn't change what he felt, or not felt, and Stella couldn't live with a man who wasn't able to offer the love she sought, and still felt for him. Besides, neither was able to leave behind their home and life just like this to move to the other one's location; in addition to that, Stella also didn't want to move with Eleni, and thus take the child away from her home and familiar surroundings.
So their ways would part again; this time, however, with the promise to stay in touch. Because on one thing they agreed, without any of them having a shadow of a doubt about it - their daughter deserved to grow up with both her mother and her father. Especially since Eleni got along so well with Mac that it surprised not only their colleagues and friends, but also the child's parents. It was as if the little girl was able to sense that the man who acted so adorably insecure, but also with so much love around her was someone she had to hold in her heart dearly. Which she clearly did, judging by her behavior when they met again the afternoon after their first encounter.
Stella and Eleni's return to New Orleans was scheduled for the fourth day after the reunion. Mac brought them to the airport, and thanks to Lindsay's intervention they were alone to say goodbye. When their daughter very clearly expressed her unhappiness about having to leave her new friends and especially the nice man with the shiny pin on his lapel so soon, they both shared a smile and the first short light-hearted moment since Mac had found Stella and the girl five days ago.
This time, they also actually dared a quick embrace; nothing too intimate, nothing that was able to bring too many old feelings back, but still they recognized it as at least a step into the right direction; whatever this direction was.
Eleni, however, didn't think about letting go of Mac after only a few seconds. She clung to him like a little monkey, and Stella couldn't suppress her laughter when he looked rather helpless with the little one in his arms who just wouldn't let go.
"Matya mou, we have to go, or the plane's leaving without us," Stella tried her luck, but obviously chose the wrong words, because now Eleni tightened the embrace, mobilizing every bit of strength in her little arms. It seemed as though she hoped the plane would indeed leave without them, allowing them to stay longer.
"How am I supposed to visit you and your mama when you don't let go?" Mac then reasoned, and the girl pulled back a bit to look at him. Lower lip pushed forward and thinking hard, she finally nodded slowly. After having planted one last kiss on Mac's cheek, she let go of him. "Be safe, you two," he said gently, holding his daughter's hand, but looking at Stella.
"We will," she responded, before she let him pass the little girl's hand over to hers and headed for the check-in.
Mac stood and watched the sky even when the plane was long gone and out of sight.
-I-I-
It was the same evening that Lindsay came into his office. She stood before his desk, looking at him thoughtfully, but at first didn't say anything.
"Lindsay," her boss greeted her, "what is it?"
"Mac, you know I respect and like you very much. You brought me here, gave me my dream job and practically introduced me to my husband. You're an example for every CSI and scientist out there, and I really look up to you." She paused for a moment, giving the man across from her time to formulate a sentence out of his confusion.
"Care to tell me where this is going?"
"It goes to the point where I tell you that you're an idiot." Mac raised an eyebrow, but she didn't give him the chance to say anything. "Now I know you won't discipline me because you know that I'm right. You have a daughter out there. A wonderful, cute, clever little girl who, despite barely knowing you, seems to feel the connection between you, and adores you. You have her mother who used to be your best friend, whom you were so close to that it wasn't comparable to anyone, anything else. This may not be my business, but I just can't watch you two tormenting yourself any longer." Again she paused, taking a seat in the chair opposite him. "It took me a while, but I got Stella to tell me the whole story. You two have been so close to each other for this long; and maybe after all this time, you fail to see how close you've really become. Mac... have you ever, only once, asked yourself what you feel for her? If those feelings have maybe changed in the past three years? Stella never had a family, and you... you have been alone for so long. You both deserve some happiness. Just... give it a thought. Please, Mac."
Leaving her boss behind speechless, but also deep in thought, she got up and left his office, silently hoping that her little speech would at least have some effect. This was dangerous terrain; it came close to insubordination. She knew that much. But she cared too much about both Mac and Stella to watch it any longer. And if Mac was anything of the man she trusted to recognize in him, he would think about her words, and not how inappropriate they were, coming from her.
For Mac, the young woman's words had been like a slap in the face. It took him a bit to overcome the initial shock, and in some recess of his mind, he was thankful that they'd just closed a case and the lab wasn't too busy - or crowded, for that matter. It gave him some time alone, without bursting anyone in with new results. Closing his eyes, he let his head sink into his hands and his mind go blank for only a few seconds. Before his musings overrun him.
Stella. What was it that he felt for her? He loved her, no doubt. He loved her as a friend, as the woman who had been at his side for over ten years, whom he had shared good and bad times with. He loved her as the one person whose passion and enthusiasm in everything she did had more than once saved him, sometimes from himself, sometimes because he needed to be rescued and saved for no reason at all - other than that life was getting to him. She had always been his constant. He couldn't count the times they had saved each other's lives, they had had each other covered, on the job and in their private lives. She was the one he understood without words, and who only needed to look into his eyes to know what he was thinking.
Contemplating all the reasons why Stella meant so much to him made him wonder where friendship ended and everything beyond began. How was it defined? How did one know? How did it feel with Claire; when did he know that he loved her, not as a friend, but as the person he wanted to be with forever?
Emotionally, he had been living in his safe little shelter for so long that he didn't remember anymore. Didn't remember what it felt like, being in love, having butterflies in your stomach and a not-so-realistic world view because for a while - and maybe longer - your world was the person you were in love with. He wasn't sure if he was still able to feel that way at all.
Did he feel something akin to butterflies inside of him? He doubted it. But then, didn't he miss Stella in every waking second, because his life simply didn't feel complete without her? He had once thought that this was what would only ever apply to his late wife; that he would never feel complete without her. When he listened to his inner self now, though, it told him that Claire, although she would always be a part of him and his heart, was also his past. What completed him now was the woman who had been at his side for over a decade, and especially since Claire's death. So maybe the time for butterflies was long since over; maybe it had never been there. But that didn't, shouldn't belittle the importance of what he had with Stella.
Lindsay was right. He was an idiot. Or would be one if he let that chance, whatever it held, pass.
-I-I-
Given the odds, Mac Taylor was still the last person she expected to find standing in front of her when she opened the door that afternoon.
She was too shocked to invite him in, so it took his carefully spoken question to make her step aside and let him enter her apartment. Eleni had already spotted the visitor and run to him, squealing as he lifted the little girl up to hug her, while the girl's mother was busy closing the door in slow-motion and then lean against it, collecting her strength. She didn't know, couldn't possibly guess, why he so suddenly showed up, without informing her first, and outside their regular meeting dates.
Encouraged by his daughter, Mac had already sat down on the couch in the living room, with the toddler swarming around him, when Stella followed the two and offered her visitor a coffee. Before he could answer, however, Eleni had done it for him, and asked for - or more demanded - orange juice, which the man accepted shrugging.
Stella made some coffee nevertheless; suspecting they could and would both need it. When she came back into the living room, she found Eleni sitting in Mac's lap, babbling something with the few words she knew already. It was an adorable picture and she couldn't help but just watch it, smiling a little. But reality had to come back to them sooner or later, and so she sat down, putting down the tray with the carafe of orange juice, three glasses and two mugs of coffee on the table.
Then she sat back and waited.
"It's hard to resist the little one," Mac tried a half-hearted joke, but failed miserably as his tone wasn't by far as light as he had intended it to be, and Stella looked even less amused. Sighing, he carefully sat the child down and asked her to go play a bit, and to his relieve she complied immediately. "I take it you're wondering why I'm here, and why I haven't called before. I..." he trailed off and rubbed his face with his hands. "Lindsay... had the nerve to tell me a few things I'm now really thankful she said, because they got me thinking."
Stella raised an eyebrow at that. "She talked to you about us?" He chuckled lightly.
"Seems like farm girls from Montana are braver than us people who've grown up in the big cities." He coughed slightly. "Stella, listen... you know I care about you, more than about any other person I know. That hasn't changed, not even in these three years. But... you know better than anyone else how... emotionally... crippled I am." He took a shaky breath. "My greatest fear is... to lose happiness again once I allow it back into my life. To lose people I... I love. I thought I would spend my life with Claire, have a family with her, children. And then all of a sudden... I'm not good at adapting; I've never been. Not when it comes to my private life. After Claire... I was sure I'd never be able to love again. Have a family, a normal life - I had this chance once, but it was taken from me, and I took it as a sign. Work always kept me busy, kept me from thinking about it too much, too often. And then, one day, I just accepted it; my solitude, that everyone else around me moved on. I was strangely okay with it."
Another pause; another few shaky breaths. He nursed the mug in his hand, watching the dark liquid in it whirl lazily as he moved the receptacle slightly.
"I know I hurt you, and I wish there was more I could do than simply saying that I'm sorry. It won't change what happened back then, and it probably won't change much now. God knows I would never intentionally hurt you, and even do everything to not hurt you... unintentionally either. I just couldn't deal with the situation back then, and when I realized what I'd done...
"I'm here now because I think our daughter deserves to grow up with both her parents, always around whenever she needs anyone of us. I don't want her being passed from one to another and back, and I don't want her to have to go by plane whenever she wants to see the respective other. I just think it wouldn't be... fair.
"Jo has the lab under control. So I will stay - for two weeks, if it is okay with you. On the condition that you agree, I don't want to waste any more time. I want to spend time with Eleni, with you and Eleni. I want to try to work something out, together with you. Maybe we can find a better solution for all this. I found a small hotel just up the street whe-" He stopped and frowned when she held up her hand, the first sign of any motion since he had started talking. Fear that she wasn't okay with the idea, that she would send him back to New York, telling him that she wanted to stick to their agreement of visiting each other every few weeks, was creeping up inside of him.
Stella saw the anxiety and anticipation in his eyes. She knew that taking that step, not only talking about his feelings, but also making something she recognized as a clear statement about them and their future, was one of the hardest things to do for him.
"I'd be very happy if you'd stay. Even more so if you stay here - in our guest bedroom."
-I-I-
There certainly were some advantages to being the boss. Stella was able to rearrange shifts and take some time off, for a few days at least. She was still on call, but her team did its best to keep as much work from her as possible.
From the outside, they looked almost like a normal family. They spend time with their daughter, took walks with her, visited the playground together. Sometimes Mac would carry Eleni on his shoulders, and the girl would laugh happily. A bit of the sparkle then would return to Stella's eyes when she watched them; but nevertheless, even this didn't chase away the melancholy in her.
They managed to restore a bit of the former relaxed nature of their relationship; they talked a lot, even laughed together. Mac helped her preparing meals, even cooked once, what allowed Stella a pause and him the chance to watch her interact with their daughter without that bit of unease that seemed to be always there whenever she knew he was watching them.
One week passed and they fell into a comfortable routine. It was nothing special - and yet everything to it was special. But all this was pushed into the background that Sunday morning when he left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
And stopped dead in his tracks when he neared the kitchen door.
Till then, she had always been already dressed, whether she was preparing breakfast or entering the kitchen when he was doing just that. This time, however, was different.
Stella was preparing breakfast - in her sleeping attire, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Her feet were bare as she stood in front of the stove, cooking eggs and bacon, and her toes tapped happily on the tile covered floor from time to time. Now and then she was humming a few notes to the song playing softly in the background; obviously coming from a radio he had yet to spot. Her light dressing gown flowed around her slender legs whenever she moved, checking the coffee machine or the waffle maker. It was a picture of such domesticity that it left his heart torn between dancing with joy and clenching with pain; a pain over things he had missed.
The whole time, he had been wondering what it was that held him back. The whole time, he had wondered why he couldn't reciprocate the love she was willing, eager, to give him. The whole time, he couldn't understand what was blocking him, as he had long since acknowledged his emotional barriers and was ready to try and overcome them.
Now he finally knew what it was, this missing puzzle piece, the last push into what he knew was the one and only right direction. It was what he had relied on for years and decades, what had dominated his work and therefore also his life.
He needed visible, tangible proof. Proof that there was the normal, domestic, and most importantly, happy life waiting for him. Maybe life wasn't always easy, and maybe there were still unforeseeable obstacles waiting for them on their way. But experience had taught him that every way was walked easier and more successful together.
And who better to walk it with than the woman he finally knew was so much for him than just a friend?
This was the woman he wanted to spend weekends and weeks with, wanted to go to sleep with every evening and wake up to every morning; the woman who was the mother of his child and with whom together he wanted to see this daughter grow up.
The woman he wanted to spend his life with.
She turned around when he entered the kitchen, a gentle smile and a "Good morning" on her lips. He didn't respond, though; instead he simply walked up to her, pulled her into his arms, and did what he should have done a long time ago - he kissed her, laying every last bit of the love he felt for her, Stella Bonasera, his best friend and soul mate, and, save for his daughter, most important person in his life, into the gesture.
The moment she returned the kiss, winding her arms around him, his world turned upside down again. But this time, he knew, it was a good thing.
Where they would go from there, they both didn't know. Maybe he would move to New Orleans, or maybe she would return to New York, the city her heart had never really left. Maybe one of them would give up their job. It wasn't what they cared about at the moment. All that was important was that they were together, as a family.
And together they would see where the bright light of the fire that had been ignited over three years ago, had been ignited so many more years before that one faithful night, would lead them.
FIN
Part One - Burning - here
Part Two - Blinding - here
They talked the whole night and didn't even stop when the first rays of the morning sun fell through the windows of his apartment. Mac told about some of the more personal aspects of and incidents in his life and work in the past three years; most of the talking however did Stella, telling him about their daughter, about every little detail she was able to recall. She regretted not having her photo albums and the loads of digital pictures and videos with her, but promised she would show him everything as soon as they saw each other again.
Mentioning the next time they'd meet again brought a halt to their till then flowing conversation. Suddenly, the uncertainty, the doubts and hesitation, were back and made them both shift uncomfortable in their respective seats. Despite a night long of talking, they hadn't yet figured out where they would go from there in their friendship, their relationship; they hadn't even talked about it to start with. Instead, they had skillfully avoided the topic, only to now stare into its distorted, unforgiving face.
But regardless of the time they took to discuss it - the result would always be the same.
Mac couldn't change what he felt, or not felt, and Stella couldn't live with a man who wasn't able to offer the love she sought, and still felt for him. Besides, neither was able to leave behind their home and life just like this to move to the other one's location; in addition to that, Stella also didn't want to move with Eleni, and thus take the child away from her home and familiar surroundings.
So their ways would part again; this time, however, with the promise to stay in touch. Because on one thing they agreed, without any of them having a shadow of a doubt about it - their daughter deserved to grow up with both her mother and her father. Especially since Eleni got along so well with Mac that it surprised not only their colleagues and friends, but also the child's parents. It was as if the little girl was able to sense that the man who acted so adorably insecure, but also with so much love around her was someone she had to hold in her heart dearly. Which she clearly did, judging by her behavior when they met again the afternoon after their first encounter.
Stella and Eleni's return to New Orleans was scheduled for the fourth day after the reunion. Mac brought them to the airport, and thanks to Lindsay's intervention they were alone to say goodbye. When their daughter very clearly expressed her unhappiness about having to leave her new friends and especially the nice man with the shiny pin on his lapel so soon, they both shared a smile and the first short light-hearted moment since Mac had found Stella and the girl five days ago.
This time, they also actually dared a quick embrace; nothing too intimate, nothing that was able to bring too many old feelings back, but still they recognized it as at least a step into the right direction; whatever this direction was.
Eleni, however, didn't think about letting go of Mac after only a few seconds. She clung to him like a little monkey, and Stella couldn't suppress her laughter when he looked rather helpless with the little one in his arms who just wouldn't let go.
"Matya mou, we have to go, or the plane's leaving without us," Stella tried her luck, but obviously chose the wrong words, because now Eleni tightened the embrace, mobilizing every bit of strength in her little arms. It seemed as though she hoped the plane would indeed leave without them, allowing them to stay longer.
"How am I supposed to visit you and your mama when you don't let go?" Mac then reasoned, and the girl pulled back a bit to look at him. Lower lip pushed forward and thinking hard, she finally nodded slowly. After having planted one last kiss on Mac's cheek, she let go of him. "Be safe, you two," he said gently, holding his daughter's hand, but looking at Stella.
"We will," she responded, before she let him pass the little girl's hand over to hers and headed for the check-in.
Mac stood and watched the sky even when the plane was long gone and out of sight.
-I-I-
It was the same evening that Lindsay came into his office. She stood before his desk, looking at him thoughtfully, but at first didn't say anything.
"Lindsay," her boss greeted her, "what is it?"
"Mac, you know I respect and like you very much. You brought me here, gave me my dream job and practically introduced me to my husband. You're an example for every CSI and scientist out there, and I really look up to you." She paused for a moment, giving the man across from her time to formulate a sentence out of his confusion.
"Care to tell me where this is going?"
"It goes to the point where I tell you that you're an idiot." Mac raised an eyebrow, but she didn't give him the chance to say anything. "Now I know you won't discipline me because you know that I'm right. You have a daughter out there. A wonderful, cute, clever little girl who, despite barely knowing you, seems to feel the connection between you, and adores you. You have her mother who used to be your best friend, whom you were so close to that it wasn't comparable to anyone, anything else. This may not be my business, but I just can't watch you two tormenting yourself any longer." Again she paused, taking a seat in the chair opposite him. "It took me a while, but I got Stella to tell me the whole story. You two have been so close to each other for this long; and maybe after all this time, you fail to see how close you've really become. Mac... have you ever, only once, asked yourself what you feel for her? If those feelings have maybe changed in the past three years? Stella never had a family, and you... you have been alone for so long. You both deserve some happiness. Just... give it a thought. Please, Mac."
Leaving her boss behind speechless, but also deep in thought, she got up and left his office, silently hoping that her little speech would at least have some effect. This was dangerous terrain; it came close to insubordination. She knew that much. But she cared too much about both Mac and Stella to watch it any longer. And if Mac was anything of the man she trusted to recognize in him, he would think about her words, and not how inappropriate they were, coming from her.
For Mac, the young woman's words had been like a slap in the face. It took him a bit to overcome the initial shock, and in some recess of his mind, he was thankful that they'd just closed a case and the lab wasn't too busy - or crowded, for that matter. It gave him some time alone, without bursting anyone in with new results. Closing his eyes, he let his head sink into his hands and his mind go blank for only a few seconds. Before his musings overrun him.
Stella. What was it that he felt for her? He loved her, no doubt. He loved her as a friend, as the woman who had been at his side for over ten years, whom he had shared good and bad times with. He loved her as the one person whose passion and enthusiasm in everything she did had more than once saved him, sometimes from himself, sometimes because he needed to be rescued and saved for no reason at all - other than that life was getting to him. She had always been his constant. He couldn't count the times they had saved each other's lives, they had had each other covered, on the job and in their private lives. She was the one he understood without words, and who only needed to look into his eyes to know what he was thinking.
Contemplating all the reasons why Stella meant so much to him made him wonder where friendship ended and everything beyond began. How was it defined? How did one know? How did it feel with Claire; when did he know that he loved her, not as a friend, but as the person he wanted to be with forever?
Emotionally, he had been living in his safe little shelter for so long that he didn't remember anymore. Didn't remember what it felt like, being in love, having butterflies in your stomach and a not-so-realistic world view because for a while - and maybe longer - your world was the person you were in love with. He wasn't sure if he was still able to feel that way at all.
Did he feel something akin to butterflies inside of him? He doubted it. But then, didn't he miss Stella in every waking second, because his life simply didn't feel complete without her? He had once thought that this was what would only ever apply to his late wife; that he would never feel complete without her. When he listened to his inner self now, though, it told him that Claire, although she would always be a part of him and his heart, was also his past. What completed him now was the woman who had been at his side for over a decade, and especially since Claire's death. So maybe the time for butterflies was long since over; maybe it had never been there. But that didn't, shouldn't belittle the importance of what he had with Stella.
Lindsay was right. He was an idiot. Or would be one if he let that chance, whatever it held, pass.
-I-I-
Given the odds, Mac Taylor was still the last person she expected to find standing in front of her when she opened the door that afternoon.
She was too shocked to invite him in, so it took his carefully spoken question to make her step aside and let him enter her apartment. Eleni had already spotted the visitor and run to him, squealing as he lifted the little girl up to hug her, while the girl's mother was busy closing the door in slow-motion and then lean against it, collecting her strength. She didn't know, couldn't possibly guess, why he so suddenly showed up, without informing her first, and outside their regular meeting dates.
Encouraged by his daughter, Mac had already sat down on the couch in the living room, with the toddler swarming around him, when Stella followed the two and offered her visitor a coffee. Before he could answer, however, Eleni had done it for him, and asked for - or more demanded - orange juice, which the man accepted shrugging.
Stella made some coffee nevertheless; suspecting they could and would both need it. When she came back into the living room, she found Eleni sitting in Mac's lap, babbling something with the few words she knew already. It was an adorable picture and she couldn't help but just watch it, smiling a little. But reality had to come back to them sooner or later, and so she sat down, putting down the tray with the carafe of orange juice, three glasses and two mugs of coffee on the table.
Then she sat back and waited.
"It's hard to resist the little one," Mac tried a half-hearted joke, but failed miserably as his tone wasn't by far as light as he had intended it to be, and Stella looked even less amused. Sighing, he carefully sat the child down and asked her to go play a bit, and to his relieve she complied immediately. "I take it you're wondering why I'm here, and why I haven't called before. I..." he trailed off and rubbed his face with his hands. "Lindsay... had the nerve to tell me a few things I'm now really thankful she said, because they got me thinking."
Stella raised an eyebrow at that. "She talked to you about us?" He chuckled lightly.
"Seems like farm girls from Montana are braver than us people who've grown up in the big cities." He coughed slightly. "Stella, listen... you know I care about you, more than about any other person I know. That hasn't changed, not even in these three years. But... you know better than anyone else how... emotionally... crippled I am." He took a shaky breath. "My greatest fear is... to lose happiness again once I allow it back into my life. To lose people I... I love. I thought I would spend my life with Claire, have a family with her, children. And then all of a sudden... I'm not good at adapting; I've never been. Not when it comes to my private life. After Claire... I was sure I'd never be able to love again. Have a family, a normal life - I had this chance once, but it was taken from me, and I took it as a sign. Work always kept me busy, kept me from thinking about it too much, too often. And then, one day, I just accepted it; my solitude, that everyone else around me moved on. I was strangely okay with it."
Another pause; another few shaky breaths. He nursed the mug in his hand, watching the dark liquid in it whirl lazily as he moved the receptacle slightly.
"I know I hurt you, and I wish there was more I could do than simply saying that I'm sorry. It won't change what happened back then, and it probably won't change much now. God knows I would never intentionally hurt you, and even do everything to not hurt you... unintentionally either. I just couldn't deal with the situation back then, and when I realized what I'd done...
"I'm here now because I think our daughter deserves to grow up with both her parents, always around whenever she needs anyone of us. I don't want her being passed from one to another and back, and I don't want her to have to go by plane whenever she wants to see the respective other. I just think it wouldn't be... fair.
"Jo has the lab under control. So I will stay - for two weeks, if it is okay with you. On the condition that you agree, I don't want to waste any more time. I want to spend time with Eleni, with you and Eleni. I want to try to work something out, together with you. Maybe we can find a better solution for all this. I found a small hotel just up the street whe-" He stopped and frowned when she held up her hand, the first sign of any motion since he had started talking. Fear that she wasn't okay with the idea, that she would send him back to New York, telling him that she wanted to stick to their agreement of visiting each other every few weeks, was creeping up inside of him.
Stella saw the anxiety and anticipation in his eyes. She knew that taking that step, not only talking about his feelings, but also making something she recognized as a clear statement about them and their future, was one of the hardest things to do for him.
"I'd be very happy if you'd stay. Even more so if you stay here - in our guest bedroom."
-I-I-
There certainly were some advantages to being the boss. Stella was able to rearrange shifts and take some time off, for a few days at least. She was still on call, but her team did its best to keep as much work from her as possible.
From the outside, they looked almost like a normal family. They spend time with their daughter, took walks with her, visited the playground together. Sometimes Mac would carry Eleni on his shoulders, and the girl would laugh happily. A bit of the sparkle then would return to Stella's eyes when she watched them; but nevertheless, even this didn't chase away the melancholy in her.
They managed to restore a bit of the former relaxed nature of their relationship; they talked a lot, even laughed together. Mac helped her preparing meals, even cooked once, what allowed Stella a pause and him the chance to watch her interact with their daughter without that bit of unease that seemed to be always there whenever she knew he was watching them.
One week passed and they fell into a comfortable routine. It was nothing special - and yet everything to it was special. But all this was pushed into the background that Sunday morning when he left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
And stopped dead in his tracks when he neared the kitchen door.
Till then, she had always been already dressed, whether she was preparing breakfast or entering the kitchen when he was doing just that. This time, however, was different.
Stella was preparing breakfast - in her sleeping attire, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Her feet were bare as she stood in front of the stove, cooking eggs and bacon, and her toes tapped happily on the tile covered floor from time to time. Now and then she was humming a few notes to the song playing softly in the background; obviously coming from a radio he had yet to spot. Her light dressing gown flowed around her slender legs whenever she moved, checking the coffee machine or the waffle maker. It was a picture of such domesticity that it left his heart torn between dancing with joy and clenching with pain; a pain over things he had missed.
The whole time, he had been wondering what it was that held him back. The whole time, he had wondered why he couldn't reciprocate the love she was willing, eager, to give him. The whole time, he couldn't understand what was blocking him, as he had long since acknowledged his emotional barriers and was ready to try and overcome them.
Now he finally knew what it was, this missing puzzle piece, the last push into what he knew was the one and only right direction. It was what he had relied on for years and decades, what had dominated his work and therefore also his life.
He needed visible, tangible proof. Proof that there was the normal, domestic, and most importantly, happy life waiting for him. Maybe life wasn't always easy, and maybe there were still unforeseeable obstacles waiting for them on their way. But experience had taught him that every way was walked easier and more successful together.
And who better to walk it with than the woman he finally knew was so much for him than just a friend?
This was the woman he wanted to spend weekends and weeks with, wanted to go to sleep with every evening and wake up to every morning; the woman who was the mother of his child and with whom together he wanted to see this daughter grow up.
The woman he wanted to spend his life with.
She turned around when he entered the kitchen, a gentle smile and a "Good morning" on her lips. He didn't respond, though; instead he simply walked up to her, pulled her into his arms, and did what he should have done a long time ago - he kissed her, laying every last bit of the love he felt for her, Stella Bonasera, his best friend and soul mate, and, save for his daughter, most important person in his life, into the gesture.
The moment she returned the kiss, winding her arms around him, his world turned upside down again. But this time, he knew, it was a good thing.
Where they would go from there, they both didn't know. Maybe he would move to New Orleans, or maybe she would return to New York, the city her heart had never really left. Maybe one of them would give up their job. It wasn't what they cared about at the moment. All that was important was that they were together, as a family.
And together they would see where the bright light of the fire that had been ignited over three years ago, had been ignited so many more years before that one faithful night, would lead them.
FIN