I don't have any words to speak tonight, I'm tired and sore and tomorrow is going to be a long day ( Read more... )

Today was a very busy day x_x...I woke up at 9:40 and went to the ACA Leaf Raking. I'm on the committee so we did the setting up and we ran the registration table and we walked around with OJ to the leaf rakers. It was fun. I have never actually done anything, you know, for my school. Its nice to be involved, and since I guess I like it here, its ( Read more... )

I am so confused, i'm in this whirlwind all over again. I just can't give up on her...and while I thought she had given up on me, now i'm not so sure. But then again its only a baseless hunch with a dash of wishful thinking. So what now? I know what I'm going to do. Thats besides the point...I mean what now? All I can really do is live like I've ( Read more... )

Wow, my chest feels very funny right now. A few things just lined up...they've lined up so clearly...I feel like someone just smacked me in the head and said..."LOOK!" I truly believe that coinscidences don't exist. I just hope I'm not to late. This is kind of blowing my mind right now. I guess I'll start from the beginning. I wrote a song about a ( Read more... )

"...I can't let go, I can't pretend ( Read more... )

Everything...I don't know how the hell I feel today. My Grandpa died last night. I don't know how to feel. Death is supposed to be sad right? Why? He had a crappy life ever since my Grandma died? His suffering must be so much less now? So should I be sad, I don't know. Right now all I can really feel is this dull little throbbing anger, and you ( Read more... )

I'm not so confused...i'm just lonely, and I think a big step in healing myself right now is going to be sticking by what I believe in. So from this point on i'm not drinking in Fredonia. It may be entertaining for people, for myself, but this feeling in the morning, and i'm not talking about the hangover, is just so bullshit and I can easily cut ( Read more... )

So wonderful, I feel like a worthless sack of existence, again. I swear to God, i'm shackled to her, and its against my will. I feel like if I were to move at all i'd break and just fall back down. "If I could move, it would only be to crawl back to you, must have dragged my guts a block." Worse then just the pain of knowing she doesn't want me, is ( Read more... )

You know you've hit the bottom when you're taking advice from your deorderant. Well, in one last emotional burst I sent Ashley a essay lengthed e-mail how I don't want this to end on a bad note. I receieved a 3 sentence e-mail about how when I don't need her to be "my girl" she still wants to be friends. Man oh, oh man. She just doesn't get it... ( Read more... )

You'd think that knowledge about something would help in the long run...but it really doesn't. I know ever single aspect of every stage of grief that exists but I still can't bypass this shit filled process. My head hurts, my heart hurts...I swear, what the hell am I living for now? Its hard to say yourself when you kind of have been made to feel ( Read more... )