If you bury me, I'll bury you...

[jerzsrfer]

Life has become very strange for me.
Seems things are changing, and i'm not sure exactly what to do about it.
I've become a bit of a hermit.
I just need some time alone.
And i need people to understand it has nothing to do with them at all.
I know what kind of friend i am, and i think i deserve a little slack, based on past performances.
I'm so lost

Comments

[d_rock_is_dead]

Most of those things that you say you want to do, I would like to par take in that all, as well. Though I can not reach inside of my core being and just utterly and completely change myself. Though I am a bit confused. You said you're turning into a hermit but on the other hand you say you don't like to sit around and do nothing anymore. Well, which is it? I have noticed you not wanting to hang out as much, yes. Sure, sometimes we may not want to do the same thing, but that doesn't mean you have to go and just disappear or not contact me when I call you repeatedly. Which to be quite honest, I feel as if you are distancing yourself from me. For instance, the day you said you'd go to tech with me and didn't answer any of my phone calls really upset me. You were supposed to have my back and help motivate me to do the right thing but when I get home from HGTC after going by myself, your away message on AIM said something to the extent of being at the pool with your sister. Now, calling me and telling me that you would rather not come

[jerzsrfer]

i know you don't understand me, i don't understand myself. I'm sorry I upset you that day, but to be quite honest with you, i didnt even end up at the pool that day, i slept all day. And when i was referring to being a hermit, i just meant that i spend a lot of time alone. I am contradicting myself a bit, but that was the point of the entry, that im lost. Its not just you i'm distancing myself from,ask anyone else and they will all say the same, and its not on purpose, i just need a little time to figure things out. I'm sorry that you felt you couldnt say all these things to me face to face, but as long as we are talking about bottled up emotions, there are some things maybe sometimes i want to say to you, but i fear the derek i know right now will be very defensive about it, it bothers me how sometimes it seems that we can't have a good time unless everyone is fucked up, and it bothered me the night we split the cost for a bottle of vodka, and you drank almost all of it, and when i asked you to please save some, you threw it in