I just watched them drive away. I will not see them again until we can arrange another visit. It just came so easily, like they all just belonged here...or had been here all along. It's such an unnatural thing that they won't all be back in the morning. Everyone cried. I still can't stop. No one wanted to leave. I wanted them to stay here, too. I ( Read more... )

All around the world
You've got to spread the word
Tell them what you've heard
We're gonna make a better day
All around the world
You've got to spread the word
Tell them what you've heard
You know it's gonna be okay- Oasis 'all around the world'

It's time. He just called from Batavia. We're leaving now. Adrenaline rules.

Am maintaining alright-like. Have wrapped my head around the prospect of returning to work adequately. Even exercized yesterday. My ass hurts today, boy. I'll exercize again anyway, because I do so love that ache in the muscle. The one that tells me I'm growing stronger. Have found whole new way to pilfer music from the internet. Woot, I say. I can ( Read more... )

I tried to get away from myself and weasel out of journaling, distance myself from true friends and those closest to me until I stopped being an asshole...but I haven't been able to cut it out. I've been such a bitch all day and I haven't been able to knock it off. I've been tolerant of my children at best and when Mike came home, I was what he ( Read more... )

ME!!! I take home the door prize! I'm such an asshole. I have this great house, fab children, kitty cat, job (yay), new car (hurrah), budding social life, new-found stability within my relationship, and my dad is going to be here in mere days along with my stepmom who's been like the nicest lady on the planet aside from Mike's mom, and two of my ( Read more... )

I really have to continue from where I left off. It's definitely time. I've been running from it. Hiding from it. Procrastinating. I never procrastinate, so why now? Why am I so afraid to face or discuss what happened next? Maybe it's my proof. Proof I wasn't good enough. Proof of my fantastic ability to fail. Proof of the kind of person I had ( Read more... )

Still fighting the urge to take a cheese grater to my relationship tooth and nail. I fucking hate him. I'll have to fake it. I don't want to imagine what it'll be like when my dad gets here. I'm dying to 'stir things up' and make 'em 'interesting'. I know full well what that means, though, so I'm keeping my mouth shut and minding my P's and Q's. I' ( Read more... )

I just feel so fucking lost. I told Mike last night that I didn't feel like caring anymore, that it hasn't ever rewarded me, so why should I? Why should I try so hard to be a good person? No one notices. He said something to the effect that if I didn't care, maybe he didn't want to either, that it wouldn't be right for me to have convinced him to ( Read more... )

Had my first EMDR session yesterday. Holy crap. It's like drugs without that pesky mental cloudiness. Immediately afterward, I noticed that my whole body felt different. Still does. I just feel 'light'. Like I could float. I didn't speak at all on the way home, and it wasn't because I was upset, I just really didn't want to which for me is just ( Read more... )

Someone certainly has been humbled. Guess who's getting laid every night and being lavished with attention and affection. I felt bad for the poor kid upstairs, though. I don't know what the point was, if it was just intimidation or what, but Mike invited him in to our house yesterday and kept him here for the better part of the afternoon. He had ( Read more... )