gah today was horrid. i woke up with a sorethroat which means i have been quarentined upstairs - no food, water from the tap, tv but no mode of communication (until 5 mins ago when my dad brought home the computer and a cell phone (new plan - same number). which means im 1) bored stiff and 2) in need of a shower and 3) still hungry. i cant take a ( Read more... )

choices. thatshat it comes down to. but why wont anyone honor mine? i betcha think you're a hero keeping me from under a car or off a roof but its a sentence and id rather die than serve it. and yeah for fucks sake it hurts like you wouldnt believe. snap crackle pop i hear it tear under the skin, not that it matters now anyway. if you think i cant ( Read more... )

There are times when i close my eyes and breathe even and think, 'this is it - I'm all alone" and in those moments of honesty, right before the panic and the phonecalls, I realize that somewhere I know that these illusionary bonds don't mean anything ( Read more... )

well. im almost better. the flu seriously sucks and unexpected cruel illness pretty much trumps most crappy gtown experiences. i do not feel like telling or retelling the events of this week but i do feel strangely compelled to write. its odd that i wrote a short story right before i got sick and its strange that i was so in tune with what happened ( Read more... )

i dont remember how to continue. im calling my mother every 10 minutes to hear someone say hi and i love you and dont forget tomorrow will be better. lies? i cant keep anything now. i cant keep anything in my mouth. i cant fill it and im dizzy and im tired and all i can think about is shutting my eyes and finding someplace where this isnt real. ( Read more... )

omg seriously. trying so hard right now and am cause of all evil? so sorry. app due tomorrow and all i can think about is the feeling like ill never breathe again. as if i ever wasnt convinced there was no future now its not even for me to decide. can i have it back please? i didnt mean to give it to you - really - it was such a mistake! oh the ( Read more... )

trust noone. everyone's a fucking liar.
when you hit the floor, it hits back.
god i am so pissed.

i try to think big picture when i panic. try and calm down and just focus. but when the instability of it all catches up its really hard to get rid of this anxiety that just really claws at me. mother anti anxiety medicin. me over 21. time to get this fixed?

fucking anxiety.

i fell through the floor. it was the scariest thing! I was moving boxes into this basement and there's a ramp down to the ground floor thing and its made of wood only its all rotted etc. right so im walking with this big box and i turn around to go down the ramp and kapow through the rotted wood up to my thigh box goes flying im scrmbling to grab ( Read more... )

almost died last night fixing a garage door. there was glass, there was splintered wood and there was almost a ride to the hospital.
for the record, don't pull the red cord.