So he killed himself. I wake up one day to discover that one of the kids I thought would always be there suddenly wasn't. There's a space there now. A void in my chest that makes my heart ache. Like physically ache- a tangible pain that expresses what's going on mentally. And I can't be angry. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm pissed. I can't believe ( Read more... )

i'm not sure why i keep doing this to myself. i trick myself into thinking that i'm over it, that its okay with me. but i can feel it. its not okay. i can feel the pressure building behind my eyes. the uneasiness in my stomach. its like putting myself through a grinder. i've learned not to count on anything, not to expect him to keep these vague ( Read more... )

so above my desk is a picture of the kids and the day of the badly packed picnic. and somehow it reminded me today of camping this summer. i wish i had some pictures of that incredibly fun day. good times. well that's all kids.

wow so how bout last night. you know, it's really interesting how if liquor is available to me, i'll drink it. that's generally speaking. let me tell you a little story, so last night i'm sitting in my room with some of my friends. we're all studying, mostly reading, and then this other guy comes over to hang out with us. so we all start drinking. ( Read more... )

it's been so long since i wrote anything on here, but the time has come the walrus said. i'm in chicago. i love chicago so much, it's ridiculous. but i miss home too. i miss my cats. i don't even know what to think anymore. i'm the most experienced drugwise here. and i'm getting everyone else to smoke with me. it's weird. school's hard. i miss ( Read more... )

please tell me why chris is now going to u of chicago? why the madness i say? why?!?

so this is the most entertaining news i've had in a long while. okay ( Read more... )

if any of you guys want to go to my graduation let me know- don't feel too obligated.

other news: going to u of chicago, got a job. good times.

yay jack is coming home soon. yay

wow, this has been an ultra long week, well i guess week in a half. so it all started with my birthday(the 8th, a wednesday). went got some dim sum and then took a nap. eventually i met up with sofia and jen and we got some pizza at zachary's. it was good times. oh right, we smoked before that. so then me and sof drove on up to santa cruz. we got ( Read more... )

crazy weekend. that pretty much sums up my weekend. more or less, but i'll expand for you in a moment ( Read more... )