today was kind of a really whatever day. Harry asked me last night if i wanted to have lunch today...for some reason that didn't end up happening. and he didn't text me at all today. whatever. we only went out once. too soon to say anything. maybe how today happened was good anyway. i texted stephanie to hang out. but she's such a loser she never ( Read more... )

i go to work, talk, answer phones, then i come home and watch the L word for hours. then i attempt to sleep. after about an hour i get up again and watch more tv online. it's only been a few days. my usual bed time is around 2 am. when school starts again i hope to normalize. maybe i'll be tired enough. maybe i wont need to try so hard not to think ( Read more... )

i cant sleep. i decided it again. i'm hoping for the last time. its like figuring out something you've always known. because someone told you. because you heard it. because you said it. i am sad. it's that simple. nothing fancy or elaborate. just a heavy aloneness. like when you're wondering who to call. then when you decide on who, choosing not to ( Read more... )

i feel like now more than ever  realize how right my mother was. trying to protect me. i never really understood what from. or well i did, but i only saw the big picture, not the things that make it up.

i was looking at a pic of jorge and his cat that was on his ex's facebook, don't ask me how i got there, but he was wearing boxer briefs? i'm sure ( Read more... )

i feel like i'm the only one. i always feel like that. right now i just feel like i'm this pot thats overflowing with love and happiness. well, it's not overflowing (or even flowing) at the moment. but i have that potential within me. These intense emotions. These great actions. Hopefulness. I'm full of love and hugs and kisses and laughter. i don ( Read more... )

it's sunday. I havent spoken or seen him since tuesday. even when he opened the door for me wednesday morning i didn't see him. every day i'm amazing at my self control. but i realize it's only out of fear that i get through the moments when i miss talking to him. or seeing him. or thinking about him. fear that i'll have to hear the change in him. ( Read more... )

I failed yet again to completely pull myself away. until the dreaded text message. both a death warrant and a source of light. He doesn't even deserve anything of mine. None of me. he doesn't deserve whatever I have to offer. My left overs. Despite knowing that he doesn't deserve anything I left him with something. I hate that I never learn. I hate ( Read more... )

I can't believe im back to this...lol. Insane. I feel strange. sad. excited. it's a calm, quiet sadness. I don't know if im just sad in general, or i'm sad about breaking up. or maybe i just don't want to admit that i'm actually sad about andrew not being whatever it was he was. blah. I'm trying to distract myself. i talked to raul. i've been ( Read more... )

i'm incredibly unbelievably happy. i have a healthy relationship with someone i think is a good man. guy doesnt fit him. boy doesn't fit him. he's responsible, smart, knowledgeable, honest, and a bit older than me. sometimes (but rarely) i feel like he's the adult and i'm the child. i'm hoping to level that out soon enough. the way i see it, if it ( Read more... )

there's still 3 mins left of january 1st 2009. i knew that being so far away from him was going to be difficult. and it is. i was angry in 2008. i went into 2009 angry. i was dejected. then apathetic. later blissfully ignorant. and once again angry ( Read more... )