i need to get this eating thing under control. i also need to get my emotions under control. i need to get everything under control. i need to get this hating myself thing under control.

feeling way too nostalgic right now.

i keep telling myself. i keep telling myself. im not the desperate type.

-Jillian

every time an attractive boy starts at conversation with me i still get that high school feeling of "why are you talking to me?"

im not rude and ill talk back but idk. it just seem weird that an attractive boy would talk to me on his own free will.

-jillian

i have never had sex but i assume what i am feeling right now to be extreme sexual frustration.

uhhhhhhhhhg

its not even towards anyone in particular. i think my body is revolting against me!

-jillian

(oh hi, i'm 22 now.)

i havent posted anything in this journal in a while that wasnt just a single sentence of self loathing ( Read more... )

i fail at everything.

-jillian

this is the most inadequate i have felt in my entire life.

-jillian

( Read more... )

For some reason it took me until right now to realize I do actually do another type of art other than photography. I cook, and cooking and baking is an art. I have no need to be envious of my friends that play music or paint or draw. I cook and bake and i love it. thats my other art.

-jillian

i might cry myself to sleep tonight. this needs to stop.

-jillian

i'm a compulsive over eater and i dont know how to stop. i'm too afraid to stop.