I feel like I'm in exactly the same place I was in 2001. Subconciuosly destroying myself and not realizing it until it's too late. I just walked two miles home from a girl's place who I cared about while she was in the bathroom. I didn't say goodbye and I had no good reason to leave, it was just the most painful thing I could think of doing to ( Read more... )

I have done the most ridiculous, idiotic things in the past week. Not excluding: Kicking my own door in, drinking almost everyday, calling out of work with the excuse I got jumped, taking around 10 hits to the face to at least have something to show for it...then feeling bad when they felt sorry for me. BUT ( Read more... )

The only albums I can listen to all the way through and love every song, not simply like, but love, are as follows off the top of my head ( Read more... )

I just started writing an email to my parents chronicalling everything that has gone wrong since I moved here...pulling no punches, just wanting to be truthful with them and have their support. But of course aol had to kick me off and I lost the whole thing a few sentences short of finishing. Apparently jesus wants me over the edge.

I just got back tonight from visiting the relatives in connecticut and boston. My parents flew up there as well, and I actually had an amazing time. I got to see everyone, eat tons of lobster rolls and home-cooked italian meals, and forget about work and all the shit I have to deal with back in cali. I started running again there, which I haven' ( Read more... )

It's strange how the past sometimes revisits you, and as you're having these new encounters you're also revisiting past ones in your head. I've come across 5 richmond kids I knew back then, but living out here now in the past two weeks. My sister got jumped 2 weeks ago. Wouldve given anything to have been there. I go to CT and boston in 13 days ( Read more... )

To live my life the way I want to. To do what I believe is right. To devour enemies and celebrate life with friends. To never give up even though it hurts. To fight the blackness inside. To walk alone. To go beyond. To look within. To give yourself. To love and to hate. Today is the day.

oh fuck.

The parents are in town. It's great spending time with them but it dredges up so many feelings that aren't too comfortable to deal with, to put it lightly ( Read more... )

I believe it was Langston Hughes who said life can be summed up in 3 words, 'it goes on.' Or maybe it was Robert Frost. The identity of the speaker is insignificant. Long after the thrill of living is gone? Perhaps. If you don't realize money means nothing, material posessions mean nothing, success as the american culture defines it is just an ( Read more... )

Life has been hectic, stressful, and many other unsavory things lately. Luckily I see the silver lining up ahead and by the end of the month I plan on having my financial situation under control and solidifying my plans on going back to school in the fall, regardless of whether or not I have to quit my job to do so ( Read more... )