你蛋疼不 - Chapter 1
Title: 你蛋疼不
Authors: atmest and daeseol
Genre: Crack, Romance, Fluff, AU
Focus Pairings: Sehun/Luhan, Suho/D.O.
Side Pairings: Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Kris/Tao, Chen/Xiumin
Chapter Focus: Sehun/Luhan, Kris/Tao, Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Rating: PG-13
Summary: EXO in an alternative reality wherein they are students in the Philippines and they all go to the Big 4.
Note: You might want to see/read this before or while reading.
Isang araw, our characters attend the most awaited UAAP games at Araneta Coliseum. The arena is thick with excitement, competitive exchanges of cheers and deafening drum beats pounding its walls. Amusingly, the crowd is clearly segregated into two: Blue Eagles and Green Archers. Yes, it is the tension-filled, most anticipated game of the year. Ateneo vs. La Salle.
Somewhere in the sea of blue there is a teenager wearing a blue-green shirt, a cute panda printed in the middle. He is sitting next to a boy who looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, cute pout pasted on his cute face.
"Can you see him?" Tao asks, tapping at Lu Han's thigh as he searches the players decked in green. He's currently looking for a familiar halo of blond hair, and probably a very impassive face. "I don't see him. Can you?"
"Stop it," Lu Han says, slapping Tao's hand away. "You won't even be able to see him later, what's the point of looking for him now."
"Hush, you," Tao silences, opting to stand up slightly from his seat. "Just because you are pathetically single, and just because you're jealous that I have a boyfriend-La Sallian pa, to boot-na varsity, means you can rain on my parade. Kaya help me look for 06 WU."
"Che." Lu Han pouts, and fishes out his phone. Thank god his 3G works here.
lu han @morningdeer
This wait for UAAP to start suxx
He locks his phone and taps it against his knee as the respective teams start taking their positions. He watches with slight disinterest while the host begins a roll-call of the players, first of the Green Archers ("Go babe!!!" Tao cries when the host announces "06 WU YI FAN". Lu Han rolls his eyes.)
"12 OH SEHUN." Lu Han sees a tall, lean and sinewy man come up, his head a beacon of silver underneath the spotlights. He waves at the crowd, even at the blue side. He has quite a sexy nape. Lu Han internally flails. Let's hope he's not talikogenic.
12 OH turns around, and wow.
"Puta," he breathes. He reaches over and shakes Tao, his grip on Tao's bicep gradually tightening, "Did you see the gwapo chinito number 12? Taozi, Taozi, oh my god."
"No, Yi Fan is all I see, I am sorry." Tao goes back to cheering for 06, and probably making kissy faces. Slightly annoyed, Lu Han hisses and pretends he does not see Tao and his fingers curled in the shape of a heart. He searches again for 12 and his insides churn a little when this 12 OH waves at their side. He decides not to bother Tao (who starts to throw flying kisses) with his new found varsity player feels and just admire gwapo chinito 12 from the other side of the arena. For a moment he hates being an Atenista. He knew he should've accepted his La Salle slot from two years back. Ateneo kasi. Why did it have to be so strategically close to the nearest Starbucks joint and the condo his parents gifted him.
As soon as the commercial break ends, the sound of the buzzer that sounds from wherever is swallowed by the screams of the crowd, which includes Tao's high-pitched putangina's and "NUMBER SIX LET'S HAVE SE-" (Lu Han quickly clasps his hand over Tao's mouth before he manages to finish, shooting an apologetic smile at the ate in front of them.)
The first quarter ends on a quite boring note, to Tao and Lu Han's disappointment. Nothing special and extraordinary, with the exception of Sehun's stunning face (or Yi Fan's in Tao's case).
But the second quarter. That's where it starts getting exciting.
Kris manages to dunk the ball halfway through the alloted time, his legs flexing as he jumps.
"GO BABE! SHOW THEM WHAT YOU GOT!" Tao shrieks, standing up from his seat as he cheers, ignoring the fact that people are starting to look at them funny already.
"Maybe you should keep your feels in," Lu Han reprimands Tao as he tugs him down onto his seat, "It's like you're not even Atenista na. You're so nakakahiya."
"Believe me," Tao starts, waving Lu Han's hand and face away as his eyes track the flock of basketball players heading towards Ateneo's ring, "when you get a boyfriend that's in the godforsaken enemy university as yours, you'd be the same."
And the universe decides to make Lu Han eat up Tao's words a little too early for his liking. Because there goes number 12 OH in a flash, his white blond hair making him stand out from above the court. He dodges the players wearing blue, schoolmates Lu Han probably knows, and jumps.
God, Lu Han has never seen anyone jump as sexy as that.
With his back bent, arms fully stretched, he gracefully slides the ball in the basket. Just the thought of Sehun shooting balls brings Lu Han to take one almost choking gulp.
Lu Han is pretty sure he sees skin, and his 20/20 vision is sharp enough to notice the happy trail that lines from Sehun's belly button down to the garters of his shorts.
He hates garters. Shorts in general.
"PUTANGINA," Lu Han screams, semi-flailing all over Tao's lap as he tries to find a better position. He needs to see number 12. He sees him flick his hair away from his eyes, running over to Kris for a well-deserved fist pump.
Tao shoots him an amused look. "Since when have you had an eye for Oh Sehun?"
"CHE," Lu Han shouts as Sehun runs forward again, bends his knees, and throws the ball. And he scores.
"ANG GWAPO MO!" Lu Han shouts as the crowd shrieks. La Salle is now leading by a good three points, the current score being 25-28.
The second quarter ends with a Lu Han giddily trying to fish out his iPhone 5 from his pocket, and a Tao looking over at him with a catty smile on his face.
"What are you doing?" Tao asks, leaning over to look at Lu Han's phone.
"I'm going to tweet some things." Lu Han pushes Tao away. "Go mess with your own phone. Isn't it around this point of the game you start tweeting 'my boy so fine love you @dragoninbed'?"
Lu Han cringes at Yi Fan's username, cringes some more as he hears Tao reply, "You're right. If I tweet him something saying I'd give him sexual favours when he wins, do you think he'd see it?" He sees the ate behind Tao raise a brow, a tinge of alarm etched on her face. Luhan sighs and tries to ignore her, thinking that if that leads to a new university scandal, it won't be his problem. He goes back to his phone and starts tweeting.
lu han @morningdeer
second quarter just finished ;o; there's this awesome la sallian that scored twice wow!
lu han @morningdeer
but all for ateneo!! go ateneo one big fight!
He doesn't want any haters as of yet. He actually likes being a popular Atenean, thank you very much. He scrolls down his timeline, reading some of the other UAAP-related tweets. He stops when he sees Tao's cheetah display photo, and opts to check his mentions instead.
yixing @ikawnimais
@morningdeer 你蛋疼不？LOL ;D
lu han @morningdeer
@ikawnimais CHE
Lu Han scoffs in his seat. He looks up and sees the teams stirring, the break clearly over.
Maybe they will hurt.
If gwapo chinito number 12 decides to show some more skin over the remaining half of the game.
He tucks his phone back in his pocket as a long buzzer sound bellows from somewhere he still is not entirely sure, signalling the end of the break, and the start of the third quarter. He watches in anticipation as 12 OH squats, his elbows resting on his bent knees, silver hair matted to his forehead.
"Shit naman," Lu Han agonises, pressing his palms to his heating cheeks as the quarter nears its end, "why so gwapo?"
"Who? Yi Fan?" Tao asks, craning his neck to follow where 06 WU is going, "I know he's gwapo. Sexy pa."
Lu Han ignores Tao's response to his rhetoric question, and continues to watch 12 OH as he blocks an Atenean, a tall gangly guy with wiry yellow hair. Lu Han gasps out loud when Shin Ramyun Hair elbows 12 OH in the rib, making him take steps back and grasp at his middle, giving Shin Ramyun enough space to manoeuvre his feet and pass him. Shin Ramyun scores, making the current standing 27-28. It was all done so fast and so inconspicuously that the referee didn't point out the foul.
"What the fuck was that?" Lu Han explodes, suddenly standing up from his seat, a finger raised, pointing accusedly at the running basketball player with 27 PARK written on his blue jersey. "That's clearly a f-" A kuya next to the chismosang ate sends him a withering glance, which instantly makes him sit down.
"There, there," Tao soothes once Lu Han finally plants himself on his seat, "It's ok to be attached to a player from the kalaban. We can only resist gwapo for so long, diba?"
Lu Han forgets he is in the Ateneo crowd and that he's Atenean so he hushes. He keeps a hand clutched over his mouth as the scores start skyrocketing to the 60's, the main scorers of La Salle being 06 WU and 12 OH. Turns out they're both the MVPs. Lu Han doesn't even bother cheering for Ateneo when they score (more than a quarter of which is owned by 27 PARK Shin Ramyun Hair), or participating in the crowd wave when they got a three-point lead at one point. He is too busy trying to peer at 12 OH's pissed off (or at least Lu Han's thinks he looked pissed off) face. The quarter ends with the score 70-69, Ateneo leading.
They are waiting for the fourth, and last, quarter to start when Lu Han leans over and asks Tao, "Hey, Taozi, who do you want to win?"
"To be honest?" Tao stops his rapid backtracking to look at Lu Han, "La Salle. My boy is there. And they're much more promising than our team. Ever since Tiu left it's never been the same."
Lu Han nods and pretends he agrees to whatever Tao is talking about. He has never been a fan of the UAAP games, not even of his own university's sports team (despite how many times his friends have been telling him about the amount of gwapos and their six-pack abs and wonderfully sculpted biceps).
He guesses 2013 will be an exception.
Who cares about rival schools when you can have a gwapo 12 OH from La Salle?
The buzzer rings, and the game resumes. It's the last quarter, and practically everybody is on the edge of their seats, even Lu Han and Tao. It's a close battle, most of the shooting and the scoring coming from 12 OH of La Salle and 27 PARK of Ateneo.
Lu Han fails to hide his squeals every time 12 OH does three-point shots. "Shit arms," he mumbles, eyes greedily taking in the flexing biceps and the rippling muscle. He sort of wants to sob into his hands. He's never really had a fetish before, but damn 12 OH's arms. Glorious.
Then there's only fifteen seconds on the clock.
The crowd watches with bated breath as 12 OH manages to get the ball from an Atenean player, and runs fast to the other side of the court. He continues dribbling as he ducks under the arm of one of the defence. Five seconds have trickled by since then, and everyone looks as 12 OH takes the risk, and throws the ball.
It lands in 06 WU's waiting hands.
"OH MY GOD, BABE," Tao shouts from the Ateneo stands, jumping up from his seat to get a better view of the game, "GO, BABE, TANGINA!"
There's three seconds on the clock, and everyone's eyes are on 06 WU, poised to jump and dunk the ball in the hoop, breaking the current tied score. He'd be a legend if he does this, his name up in the Hall of Fame of the La Salle locker rooms. It makes him bubble with pride. Not to mention his boyfriend would surely congratulate and reward him. Heh.
06 WU concentrates all of his weight on the balls of his feet, and jumps. His legs vault him up, high enough to propel him to the proper dunking height. His arms are outstretched, and he throws the ball. But he never sees it get in the hoop.
Because the next thing 06 WU knows is that there's someone colliding with him head on, hitting him with the speed of a bullet train. He is sent flying backwards, falling down on the floor as the momentum of the player that collided with him took them down. They land on the polished court as a mess of long limbs and a clash of green and blue.
They also landed with their mouths on each other, eyes both gone wide with shock, not able to do anything.
When the incessant, monotonous beep of the buzzer going off stops, the apparent quietness of the arena is known. There is no explosion of claps, or cheers, or chants, or complaints. Instead there is this deafening silence that blankets the whole crowd, even the staff, and Lu Han can actually feel the hurt from not being able to sense anything. However, everything changes as
"FUCK YOU, PARK CHANYEOL!"
Lu Han snaps out and turns bewilderedly to his best friend. It must have been reflex (or probably human instinct, since he still wants to live and find out what fate has to offer for him and 12 OH) when he quickly wraps his arms around Tao and keeps him in place, before he can even hurl himself to the court and begin a killing spree on his own school's team.
"Huang Zi Tao calm the fuck down!" Lu Han grumbles. Tao's strength should not surprise him but Lu Han is surely having a difficult struggle in keeping a tight grasp of Tao's waist. His best friend is violently flailing his arms, middle fingers raised in salute on both hands, which he obnoxiously point at 27 PARK.
"PUTANGINA PARK CHANYEOL PAPATAYIN KITA!"
Tao continues with his mantra of curses as Chanyeol hurriedly pushes himself up, silently and calmly, from Yifan who also gets up from the slump. They exchange quick apologies before limping back to their respective benches, parting ways like nothing happened.
"And that's it? That's it Lu Han? He just fucking kissed my boyfriend and that's it? Oh God I swear I'm gonna make Chanyeol a human lechon!" Tao, whose face has gone red in anger, hollers to Lu Han, trying to make himself heard as the arena goes back to euphoria, the blue crowd jumping and cheering in extremely high spirits.
"We...won?" Lu Han mutters in half disbelief half-amusement. He looks around him and, indeed, they had won. Just shy of a point, but at least they won. He turns to his side, "Hey, Taozi, we wo-." His companion is not there anymore. Tao manages to get himself in the middle of the court and charges toward the Eagles' benches. Alarmed, Lu Han runs after him, the thought of selflessly saving the lives of twenty thousand people fuelling him to pump his legs faster. But he is no super hero, and he trips along the way.
The floor looks pretty uncomfortable to land on, so he closes his eyes to avoid seeing the fall. He wonders why his back and head do not hurt, and the impact of his face meeting floor does not come. So he opens his eyes, and sweet baby jesus.
"Be careful," his savior sent from heaven says, his voice as wonderful as the sound of a choir of angels singing hallelujah because Holy God up above loves him. He makes a mental note of sending one of his yayas to pay his thanks to the Nazarene sa Quiapo.
12 OH sets him right, helping him stand on his feet after almost faceplanting himself on the basketball court in front of thousands of people. Once 12 OH straightens, bringing himself to his full height, Lu Han is sure the red of his cheeks increased in opacity by a fuckton. Because putangina, this is what the Miriam ladies were chismising about always outside Ateneo gym: perfect kissing height. And puta was 12 OH's height the perfect kissing height.
"Are you okay?" 12 OH asks. Lu Han feels offended, a bit. How can somebody be okay when your Adonis prospect is holding you by the shoulders? Skinship dear lord. He tries to find the will to survive this moment and carry on living in perfect sanity.
"I-I think so," Lu Han answers, trying his best to keep his feels in. And then he remembers Huang Zitao, lovely Huang Zitao and his murderous tendencies and-
"Oh my God, Taozi!" Luhan gasps.
"Fuckin' Park Chanyeol bubutasin ko leeg mo-"
He watches as Tao takes the needed steps towards 27 PARK, fist already poised to land on the basketball player's jaw.
Luhan thanks the Bathala for giving his best friend a Wu Yi Fan as a boyfriend. Yi Fan comes in and tugs Tao by the hand, pulling him in with enough force that Tao takes steps away from Chanyeol, thus getting Chanyeol out of the murder zone.
"What the put-" Zitao starts, only to be cut off by Yi Fan's mouth on his, kissing him quite happily by the benches of Ateneo.
"Babe," Yi Fan greets, hands on Tao's waist when they pull apart, "Did you see me kanina?"
Tao, slightly woozy and lightheaded, momentarily forgets how livid he was earlier, and replies, "You did a good job, babe, wow. You were the best tonight."
Yi Fan laughs. Lu Han winces. Happiness really does do wonders to Yi Fan's face.
"I want you to meet someone pala," Yi Fan says, pulling Tao by the hand towards... Shin Ramyun Hair. Code Red, Lu Han's mind screams. "This is Park Chanyeol. He's the son of one of my ninongs."
"Hi...Tao!" Chanyeol greets, extending his arm for a handshake, "Huang Zitao, right? Yi Fan's told me a lot about you. Don't worry, that kiss was kadiri. I never thought the day I'd kiss him again will come, to be honest." he continues, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out as if he is gonna puke his last meal out.
Shit. Double Code Red.
"WHAT," Tao explodes. If no one intervenes, this is going to be another round of shit so Lu Han takes the initiative.
He makes a move to intervene. He does not have anything in mind to actually stop whatever bloody that is to take place but he just needs to do something.
"Okay guys! Congratulatory dinner, my treat?"
Cold sweat trickles down the side of his face and he quickly realizes he has gotten himself into financial trouble. He quickly pulls his wallet out and checks his bills. Then he creates an expression perfectly describing unwanted misery, his eyebrows cutely converged, another cute pout on his perpetually cute face.
"How 'bout I treat you guys?" Sehun suggests, momentarily looking at Lu Han. Lu Han looks up at Sehun (Shit, perfect kissing height pa rin). Savior indeed.
"Setting aside school rivalry just because this is free food," Chanyeol kids, standing up. He reaches out a hand, offering a handshake to Sehun, "I'm Park Chanyeol. Is it ok if I tag along? And bring my boyfriend as well?"
Lu Han feels Tao's world tilt.
"Y-you have a boyfriend?" Tao asks. And that's when they all see him. The slight little thing making his way towards them. He's wearing a white shirt with a chibi archer on the front, looking more like an elf with a bow and arrow rather than an actual archer. He has this cute catty smile, much like Tao's, and eyes lined with kohl. He latches himself to Chanyeol's waist, and beams up at him.
"Yeah, this is Baekhyun," Chanyeol introduces, "He's La Sallian. I hope it's ok."
"Of course!" Sehun replies, pointing at Baekhyun, "Philippines Studies?"
"Yup!" Baekhyun chirps, and Lu Han feels a slight tinge of jealousy. Apparently Filo Studies Boy can connect better with 12 OH than him. "Corporate Management, diba?"
Lu Han watches Sehun nod in response, and tangina. 12 OH is an aspiring CEO pala. He wonders if their families are business partners, directly or indirectly. At least may connection. And may excuse to hang around him after today.
"Let's meet nalang outside," Yi Fan announces, "Text each other nalang to know kung saan."
Lu Han nods. The others start dispersing, Tao tagging along with Kris towards the locker room, leaving him alone. He harrumphs under his breath, and makes to exit when he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Said hand turns him around, and gracious heavens it is 12 OH standing before him.
"Uh, I don't think I caught your name?" Sehun asks, peering down at Lu Han. He shoots Lu Han a smile, and Lu Han is damn sure that three points pasok sa heart niya. "I'm Oh Sehun, by the way."
"I'm Lu Han and it's nice to touchyourarmsandseeyourabsandmaybehaveyouinbedtonight."
Sehun blinks. "What?"
"I mean, it's nice to meet you." Lu Han laughs nervously. "Sobrang nice."
( next chapter )
Authors: atmest and daeseol
Genre: Crack, Romance, Fluff, AU
Focus Pairings: Sehun/Luhan, Suho/D.O.
Side Pairings: Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Kris/Tao, Chen/Xiumin
Chapter Focus: Sehun/Luhan, Kris/Tao, Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Rating: PG-13
Summary: EXO in an alternative reality wherein they are students in the Philippines and they all go to the Big 4.
Note: You might want to see/read this before or while reading.
Isang araw, our characters attend the most awaited UAAP games at Araneta Coliseum. The arena is thick with excitement, competitive exchanges of cheers and deafening drum beats pounding its walls. Amusingly, the crowd is clearly segregated into two: Blue Eagles and Green Archers. Yes, it is the tension-filled, most anticipated game of the year. Ateneo vs. La Salle.
Somewhere in the sea of blue there is a teenager wearing a blue-green shirt, a cute panda printed in the middle. He is sitting next to a boy who looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, cute pout pasted on his cute face.
"Can you see him?" Tao asks, tapping at Lu Han's thigh as he searches the players decked in green. He's currently looking for a familiar halo of blond hair, and probably a very impassive face. "I don't see him. Can you?"
"Stop it," Lu Han says, slapping Tao's hand away. "You won't even be able to see him later, what's the point of looking for him now."
"Hush, you," Tao silences, opting to stand up slightly from his seat. "Just because you are pathetically single, and just because you're jealous that I have a boyfriend-La Sallian pa, to boot-na varsity, means you can rain on my parade. Kaya help me look for 06 WU."
"Che." Lu Han pouts, and fishes out his phone. Thank god his 3G works here.
lu han @morningdeer
This wait for UAAP to start suxx
He locks his phone and taps it against his knee as the respective teams start taking their positions. He watches with slight disinterest while the host begins a roll-call of the players, first of the Green Archers ("Go babe!!!" Tao cries when the host announces "06 WU YI FAN". Lu Han rolls his eyes.)
"12 OH SEHUN." Lu Han sees a tall, lean and sinewy man come up, his head a beacon of silver underneath the spotlights. He waves at the crowd, even at the blue side. He has quite a sexy nape. Lu Han internally flails. Let's hope he's not talikogenic.
12 OH turns around, and wow.
"Puta," he breathes. He reaches over and shakes Tao, his grip on Tao's bicep gradually tightening, "Did you see the gwapo chinito number 12? Taozi, Taozi, oh my god."
"No, Yi Fan is all I see, I am sorry." Tao goes back to cheering for 06, and probably making kissy faces. Slightly annoyed, Lu Han hisses and pretends he does not see Tao and his fingers curled in the shape of a heart. He searches again for 12 and his insides churn a little when this 12 OH waves at their side. He decides not to bother Tao (who starts to throw flying kisses) with his new found varsity player feels and just admire gwapo chinito 12 from the other side of the arena. For a moment he hates being an Atenista. He knew he should've accepted his La Salle slot from two years back. Ateneo kasi. Why did it have to be so strategically close to the nearest Starbucks joint and the condo his parents gifted him.
As soon as the commercial break ends, the sound of the buzzer that sounds from wherever is swallowed by the screams of the crowd, which includes Tao's high-pitched putangina's and "NUMBER SIX LET'S HAVE SE-" (Lu Han quickly clasps his hand over Tao's mouth before he manages to finish, shooting an apologetic smile at the ate in front of them.)
The first quarter ends on a quite boring note, to Tao and Lu Han's disappointment. Nothing special and extraordinary, with the exception of Sehun's stunning face (or Yi Fan's in Tao's case).
But the second quarter. That's where it starts getting exciting.
Kris manages to dunk the ball halfway through the alloted time, his legs flexing as he jumps.
"GO BABE! SHOW THEM WHAT YOU GOT!" Tao shrieks, standing up from his seat as he cheers, ignoring the fact that people are starting to look at them funny already.
"Maybe you should keep your feels in," Lu Han reprimands Tao as he tugs him down onto his seat, "It's like you're not even Atenista na. You're so nakakahiya."
"Believe me," Tao starts, waving Lu Han's hand and face away as his eyes track the flock of basketball players heading towards Ateneo's ring, "when you get a boyfriend that's in the godforsaken enemy university as yours, you'd be the same."
And the universe decides to make Lu Han eat up Tao's words a little too early for his liking. Because there goes number 12 OH in a flash, his white blond hair making him stand out from above the court. He dodges the players wearing blue, schoolmates Lu Han probably knows, and jumps.
God, Lu Han has never seen anyone jump as sexy as that.
With his back bent, arms fully stretched, he gracefully slides the ball in the basket. Just the thought of Sehun shooting balls brings Lu Han to take one almost choking gulp.
Lu Han is pretty sure he sees skin, and his 20/20 vision is sharp enough to notice the happy trail that lines from Sehun's belly button down to the garters of his shorts.
He hates garters. Shorts in general.
"PUTANGINA," Lu Han screams, semi-flailing all over Tao's lap as he tries to find a better position. He needs to see number 12. He sees him flick his hair away from his eyes, running over to Kris for a well-deserved fist pump.
Tao shoots him an amused look. "Since when have you had an eye for Oh Sehun?"
"CHE," Lu Han shouts as Sehun runs forward again, bends his knees, and throws the ball. And he scores.
"ANG GWAPO MO!" Lu Han shouts as the crowd shrieks. La Salle is now leading by a good three points, the current score being 25-28.
The second quarter ends with a Lu Han giddily trying to fish out his iPhone 5 from his pocket, and a Tao looking over at him with a catty smile on his face.
"What are you doing?" Tao asks, leaning over to look at Lu Han's phone.
"I'm going to tweet some things." Lu Han pushes Tao away. "Go mess with your own phone. Isn't it around this point of the game you start tweeting 'my boy so fine love you @dragoninbed'?"
Lu Han cringes at Yi Fan's username, cringes some more as he hears Tao reply, "You're right. If I tweet him something saying I'd give him sexual favours when he wins, do you think he'd see it?" He sees the ate behind Tao raise a brow, a tinge of alarm etched on her face. Luhan sighs and tries to ignore her, thinking that if that leads to a new university scandal, it won't be his problem. He goes back to his phone and starts tweeting.
lu han @morningdeer
second quarter just finished ;o; there's this awesome la sallian that scored twice wow!
lu han @morningdeer
but all for ateneo!! go ateneo one big fight!
He doesn't want any haters as of yet. He actually likes being a popular Atenean, thank you very much. He scrolls down his timeline, reading some of the other UAAP-related tweets. He stops when he sees Tao's cheetah display photo, and opts to check his mentions instead.
yixing @ikawnimais
@morningdeer 你蛋疼不？LOL ;D
lu han @morningdeer
@ikawnimais CHE
Lu Han scoffs in his seat. He looks up and sees the teams stirring, the break clearly over.
Maybe they will hurt.
If gwapo chinito number 12 decides to show some more skin over the remaining half of the game.
He tucks his phone back in his pocket as a long buzzer sound bellows from somewhere he still is not entirely sure, signalling the end of the break, and the start of the third quarter. He watches in anticipation as 12 OH squats, his elbows resting on his bent knees, silver hair matted to his forehead.
"Shit naman," Lu Han agonises, pressing his palms to his heating cheeks as the quarter nears its end, "why so gwapo?"
"Who? Yi Fan?" Tao asks, craning his neck to follow where 06 WU is going, "I know he's gwapo. Sexy pa."
Lu Han ignores Tao's response to his rhetoric question, and continues to watch 12 OH as he blocks an Atenean, a tall gangly guy with wiry yellow hair. Lu Han gasps out loud when Shin Ramyun Hair elbows 12 OH in the rib, making him take steps back and grasp at his middle, giving Shin Ramyun enough space to manoeuvre his feet and pass him. Shin Ramyun scores, making the current standing 27-28. It was all done so fast and so inconspicuously that the referee didn't point out the foul.
"What the fuck was that?" Lu Han explodes, suddenly standing up from his seat, a finger raised, pointing accusedly at the running basketball player with 27 PARK written on his blue jersey. "That's clearly a f-" A kuya next to the chismosang ate sends him a withering glance, which instantly makes him sit down.
"There, there," Tao soothes once Lu Han finally plants himself on his seat, "It's ok to be attached to a player from the kalaban. We can only resist gwapo for so long, diba?"
Lu Han forgets he is in the Ateneo crowd and that he's Atenean so he hushes. He keeps a hand clutched over his mouth as the scores start skyrocketing to the 60's, the main scorers of La Salle being 06 WU and 12 OH. Turns out they're both the MVPs. Lu Han doesn't even bother cheering for Ateneo when they score (more than a quarter of which is owned by 27 PARK Shin Ramyun Hair), or participating in the crowd wave when they got a three-point lead at one point. He is too busy trying to peer at 12 OH's pissed off (or at least Lu Han's thinks he looked pissed off) face. The quarter ends with the score 70-69, Ateneo leading.
They are waiting for the fourth, and last, quarter to start when Lu Han leans over and asks Tao, "Hey, Taozi, who do you want to win?"
"To be honest?" Tao stops his rapid backtracking to look at Lu Han, "La Salle. My boy is there. And they're much more promising than our team. Ever since Tiu left it's never been the same."
Lu Han nods and pretends he agrees to whatever Tao is talking about. He has never been a fan of the UAAP games, not even of his own university's sports team (despite how many times his friends have been telling him about the amount of gwapos and their six-pack abs and wonderfully sculpted biceps).
He guesses 2013 will be an exception.
Who cares about rival schools when you can have a gwapo 12 OH from La Salle?
The buzzer rings, and the game resumes. It's the last quarter, and practically everybody is on the edge of their seats, even Lu Han and Tao. It's a close battle, most of the shooting and the scoring coming from 12 OH of La Salle and 27 PARK of Ateneo.
Lu Han fails to hide his squeals every time 12 OH does three-point shots. "Shit arms," he mumbles, eyes greedily taking in the flexing biceps and the rippling muscle. He sort of wants to sob into his hands. He's never really had a fetish before, but damn 12 OH's arms. Glorious.
Then there's only fifteen seconds on the clock.
The crowd watches with bated breath as 12 OH manages to get the ball from an Atenean player, and runs fast to the other side of the court. He continues dribbling as he ducks under the arm of one of the defence. Five seconds have trickled by since then, and everyone looks as 12 OH takes the risk, and throws the ball.
It lands in 06 WU's waiting hands.
"OH MY GOD, BABE," Tao shouts from the Ateneo stands, jumping up from his seat to get a better view of the game, "GO, BABE, TANGINA!"
There's three seconds on the clock, and everyone's eyes are on 06 WU, poised to jump and dunk the ball in the hoop, breaking the current tied score. He'd be a legend if he does this, his name up in the Hall of Fame of the La Salle locker rooms. It makes him bubble with pride. Not to mention his boyfriend would surely congratulate and reward him. Heh.
06 WU concentrates all of his weight on the balls of his feet, and jumps. His legs vault him up, high enough to propel him to the proper dunking height. His arms are outstretched, and he throws the ball. But he never sees it get in the hoop.
Because the next thing 06 WU knows is that there's someone colliding with him head on, hitting him with the speed of a bullet train. He is sent flying backwards, falling down on the floor as the momentum of the player that collided with him took them down. They land on the polished court as a mess of long limbs and a clash of green and blue.
They also landed with their mouths on each other, eyes both gone wide with shock, not able to do anything.
When the incessant, monotonous beep of the buzzer going off stops, the apparent quietness of the arena is known. There is no explosion of claps, or cheers, or chants, or complaints. Instead there is this deafening silence that blankets the whole crowd, even the staff, and Lu Han can actually feel the hurt from not being able to sense anything. However, everything changes as
"FUCK YOU, PARK CHANYEOL!"
Lu Han snaps out and turns bewilderedly to his best friend. It must have been reflex (or probably human instinct, since he still wants to live and find out what fate has to offer for him and 12 OH) when he quickly wraps his arms around Tao and keeps him in place, before he can even hurl himself to the court and begin a killing spree on his own school's team.
"Huang Zi Tao calm the fuck down!" Lu Han grumbles. Tao's strength should not surprise him but Lu Han is surely having a difficult struggle in keeping a tight grasp of Tao's waist. His best friend is violently flailing his arms, middle fingers raised in salute on both hands, which he obnoxiously point at 27 PARK.
"PUTANGINA PARK CHANYEOL PAPATAYIN KITA!"
Tao continues with his mantra of curses as Chanyeol hurriedly pushes himself up, silently and calmly, from Yifan who also gets up from the slump. They exchange quick apologies before limping back to their respective benches, parting ways like nothing happened.
"And that's it? That's it Lu Han? He just fucking kissed my boyfriend and that's it? Oh God I swear I'm gonna make Chanyeol a human lechon!" Tao, whose face has gone red in anger, hollers to Lu Han, trying to make himself heard as the arena goes back to euphoria, the blue crowd jumping and cheering in extremely high spirits.
"We...won?" Lu Han mutters in half disbelief half-amusement. He looks around him and, indeed, they had won. Just shy of a point, but at least they won. He turns to his side, "Hey, Taozi, we wo-." His companion is not there anymore. Tao manages to get himself in the middle of the court and charges toward the Eagles' benches. Alarmed, Lu Han runs after him, the thought of selflessly saving the lives of twenty thousand people fuelling him to pump his legs faster. But he is no super hero, and he trips along the way.
The floor looks pretty uncomfortable to land on, so he closes his eyes to avoid seeing the fall. He wonders why his back and head do not hurt, and the impact of his face meeting floor does not come. So he opens his eyes, and sweet baby jesus.
"Be careful," his savior sent from heaven says, his voice as wonderful as the sound of a choir of angels singing hallelujah because Holy God up above loves him. He makes a mental note of sending one of his yayas to pay his thanks to the Nazarene sa Quiapo.
12 OH sets him right, helping him stand on his feet after almost faceplanting himself on the basketball court in front of thousands of people. Once 12 OH straightens, bringing himself to his full height, Lu Han is sure the red of his cheeks increased in opacity by a fuckton. Because putangina, this is what the Miriam ladies were chismising about always outside Ateneo gym: perfect kissing height. And puta was 12 OH's height the perfect kissing height.
"Are you okay?" 12 OH asks. Lu Han feels offended, a bit. How can somebody be okay when your Adonis prospect is holding you by the shoulders? Skinship dear lord. He tries to find the will to survive this moment and carry on living in perfect sanity.
"I-I think so," Lu Han answers, trying his best to keep his feels in. And then he remembers Huang Zitao, lovely Huang Zitao and his murderous tendencies and-
"Oh my God, Taozi!" Luhan gasps.
"Fuckin' Park Chanyeol bubutasin ko leeg mo-"
He watches as Tao takes the needed steps towards 27 PARK, fist already poised to land on the basketball player's jaw.
Luhan thanks the Bathala for giving his best friend a Wu Yi Fan as a boyfriend. Yi Fan comes in and tugs Tao by the hand, pulling him in with enough force that Tao takes steps away from Chanyeol, thus getting Chanyeol out of the murder zone.
"What the put-" Zitao starts, only to be cut off by Yi Fan's mouth on his, kissing him quite happily by the benches of Ateneo.
"Babe," Yi Fan greets, hands on Tao's waist when they pull apart, "Did you see me kanina?"
Tao, slightly woozy and lightheaded, momentarily forgets how livid he was earlier, and replies, "You did a good job, babe, wow. You were the best tonight."
Yi Fan laughs. Lu Han winces. Happiness really does do wonders to Yi Fan's face.
"I want you to meet someone pala," Yi Fan says, pulling Tao by the hand towards... Shin Ramyun Hair. Code Red, Lu Han's mind screams. "This is Park Chanyeol. He's the son of one of my ninongs."
"Hi...Tao!" Chanyeol greets, extending his arm for a handshake, "Huang Zitao, right? Yi Fan's told me a lot about you. Don't worry, that kiss was kadiri. I never thought the day I'd kiss him again will come, to be honest." he continues, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out as if he is gonna puke his last meal out.
Shit. Double Code Red.
"WHAT," Tao explodes. If no one intervenes, this is going to be another round of shit so Lu Han takes the initiative.
He makes a move to intervene. He does not have anything in mind to actually stop whatever bloody that is to take place but he just needs to do something.
"Okay guys! Congratulatory dinner, my treat?"
Cold sweat trickles down the side of his face and he quickly realizes he has gotten himself into financial trouble. He quickly pulls his wallet out and checks his bills. Then he creates an expression perfectly describing unwanted misery, his eyebrows cutely converged, another cute pout on his perpetually cute face.
"How 'bout I treat you guys?" Sehun suggests, momentarily looking at Lu Han. Lu Han looks up at Sehun (Shit, perfect kissing height pa rin). Savior indeed.
"Setting aside school rivalry just because this is free food," Chanyeol kids, standing up. He reaches out a hand, offering a handshake to Sehun, "I'm Park Chanyeol. Is it ok if I tag along? And bring my boyfriend as well?"
Lu Han feels Tao's world tilt.
"Y-you have a boyfriend?" Tao asks. And that's when they all see him. The slight little thing making his way towards them. He's wearing a white shirt with a chibi archer on the front, looking more like an elf with a bow and arrow rather than an actual archer. He has this cute catty smile, much like Tao's, and eyes lined with kohl. He latches himself to Chanyeol's waist, and beams up at him.
"Yeah, this is Baekhyun," Chanyeol introduces, "He's La Sallian. I hope it's ok."
"Of course!" Sehun replies, pointing at Baekhyun, "Philippines Studies?"
"Yup!" Baekhyun chirps, and Lu Han feels a slight tinge of jealousy. Apparently Filo Studies Boy can connect better with 12 OH than him. "Corporate Management, diba?"
Lu Han watches Sehun nod in response, and tangina. 12 OH is an aspiring CEO pala. He wonders if their families are business partners, directly or indirectly. At least may connection. And may excuse to hang around him after today.
"Let's meet nalang outside," Yi Fan announces, "Text each other nalang to know kung saan."
Lu Han nods. The others start dispersing, Tao tagging along with Kris towards the locker room, leaving him alone. He harrumphs under his breath, and makes to exit when he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Said hand turns him around, and gracious heavens it is 12 OH standing before him.
"Uh, I don't think I caught your name?" Sehun asks, peering down at Lu Han. He shoots Lu Han a smile, and Lu Han is damn sure that three points pasok sa heart niya. "I'm Oh Sehun, by the way."
"I'm Lu Han and it's nice to touchyourarmsandseeyourabsandmaybehaveyouinbedtonight."
Sehun blinks. "What?"
"I mean, it's nice to meet you." Lu Han laughs nervously. "Sobrang nice."
( next chapter )