I had a dream last night that it was 2 years ago. I was miserable, sitting on my front porch with the phone in my hand waiting for PJ to call. He never came home. It was like stepping back in time and reliving the humiliation and anger all over again. I guess since I really never had closure, this is bound to happen sometimes. SO....today I found a ( Read more... )

When the weather finally breaks and we get a beautiful day like today, we should all get an early dismissal from work! The warm weather brings so many good things....I feel so much better and more alive when the weather is nice, I guess we all do ( Read more... )

I decided to give Paul a second sort-of temporary chance! It is so confusing and I know it will end up the same. However, I felt bad and here we are....I don't want to get into it but I'm sure soon it will end forever. I'm an idiot, I know this!  Anyways, we went to my mom's for Easter. My Aunt & Uncle came over, but their kids didn't bother. ( Read more... )

I know everyone will be very upset that I won't be around anymore, but as of July 2 or July 3 I will no longer be updating my lj. You see, Toby Keith is coming in concert those 2 days and I just KNOW he'll take me with him this year! :)  I'll be much to busy the rest of my life for journals! LOL!  Seriously, he is coming to town and as juvenile and ( Read more... )

Paul's gone. One fight too many & I realized it is just not right to force a relationship that isn't right in the first place. If I know this is for the best, why does it hurt so much? I'm really going to miss him; not necessarily the boyfriend part, but my friend. We were good at being friends and I hope that we can get that back someday. I just ( Read more... )

Today I'm pondering what to do with Paul. I love him. I enjoy his company. But we have nothing in common and I want much more in life than he does. I guess if I'm wondering what to do, I already know what I need to do. (sigh) I don't want to hurt him, though. I can feel it coming, though. We've been fighting anyways, so I think maybe he feels the ( Read more... )

Whew~what a week. Paul & I had a huge blow out. We broke up, then got back together. Whatever. I love him, but I know this is the beginning of the end. We're going to talk more tonight...relationships suck sometimes. I guess I'd have more energy for this whole situation if I knew he was "the one." But I know he isn't.

I think the stress of Paul and ( Read more... )

I have decided I'm sick of complaining about how poor I am and wishing my life would move forward a little faster. So, I have finally become aggressive in my job search. It's time to move on...I have to look at the rest of my life as if I will always be supporting myself. I don't want to depend on a second income. I feel like making a lot of ( Read more... )

Lou Jr. ordered a "Metal Mania Stripped" CD last week & it FINALLY arrived! I'm listening to it now. It is a compilation of 80's metal power ballads, but they are all accoustic versions. I love it! Yes, I am old. No, I don't care today! I love the hair bands & the metal from the 80's and I always will. It makes me happy. It brings back a very, ( Read more... )

I was just radomly searching journals....bored & nothing else to do. I read one quickly about a breakup...the birthdate of the girl who wrote the journal was 1991. Oh my freakin' god...1991. I graduated from high school in 1991. If I had gotten pregnant right out of high school I would have a 14 year old. I'm old enough to have a child who drives ( Read more... )