That's all she is. She builds up this illusion of how it "could" be. But, in reality, she loves the fact that she can control someone's actions. She's a puppetmaster, gleefuly kackling at her puppets while making them bend over backwards to accomplish what she wants done. I'm also very fed up with the lies. I mean, seriously, if you want to go ( Read more... )

I just read some old blogs. There are numerous "this is it" or "I'm done with all this drama" bullshit I wrote. Fuck. I'm never done. I never want to be done. A lot of the reason I end up being done is because I put closure to it. I don't want to be the one that fuckin' sits there and gets shit on. It makes me feel better if I have a mutual ( Read more... )

They bring out the biggest joy in me. Little things. Big joy. How contradictory...not really contradictory. But contrasting. I really love the fact that she made an effort to come see me for my birthday. I was starting to lose hope. But she came through. And that's why I love her so. And not in a friend way. I mean, yeah, I do love her as ( Read more... )

First Thursday was introduced to me by Kira. Ok, technically, it was introduced to me by the Art Institute, but I never went until 4 years later. With Kira. And now, I'm going down there. To meet with friends and such. Bailed out on 3 possible chicks. And one bailed on me for a wedding. It's ok, though. I really feel empty. I don't give a ( Read more... )

I've seriously lost it. I haven't talked to her for a few days, and I just texted her. She didn't reply about the concert. She could have changed her mind. She tends to do that. But I love her for it. Do I really like having problems to solve in my life? It's like they said in Memento"I have to believe that my actions still have meaning ( Read more... )

How stupid does she think I am? Serious? She doesn't reply. She doesn't answer. She reads my mail. I give her nothing but the best. I've been nothing but nice, except for those times that she's pissed me off. She just keeps going with her nonsense. Like, "oh, I don't know what you're talking about." Or, "I'm not even mad about anything." ( Read more... )

It's funny how much I've changed within a year...a little bit more. It's funnier how much I haven't. I'm still the same wreck that I was back then. Re-reading these entries...same drama I go through everyday, right now. The only thing that I'm lacking is my faith. How can I be so stupid? I am losing it. My faith is so important to me, yet, I ( Read more... )

Well, things went downhill. I am not lost, though. I am turning to God. I should have never let myself slip away like this from Him anyway. I was more at peace and had a lot of love when I was dedicated to Him. She needs to let go of this bitterness in her heart and truly mean it. When that day comes, though, I don't know if I'll feel the ( Read more... )

Wow. This is the coolest Cinco De Mayo I've ever had. Not that I ever acknowledge the holiday or whatever, but it's cool...so far. I'm so full right now. I ate a lot today. Freakin' ham and cheese thing from Sunrise Bagel, Starbucks, Wendy's, pork chops, cake...what the hell?! I need to start eating healthier again. I'm happy.

So tonight, I went fishing. I didn't catch anything but a cold. Just my luck. But. then again, who else would go fishing late at night in the cold? Obviously, I brought it on myself. I'm so anxious for summer to get here already. I'm tired of this shitty weather. Tired of the cold. Tired of the rainy days with a moment of sunshine. Tired of so many ( Read more... )