Trustworthy *chapter thirteen*
Pairing: HimDae
Rated: PG13
Length: 7.8K
“Can I go in and see Junhong now?” Daehyun shyly asked his mother a few hours after Youngjae left. She had been running around frantically all morning calling people about Junhong and making lists of things to do and she was now finally taking a quick lunch break.
Rae-Ha nodded, “Of course. Yongguk’s in there with him so just go on in.”
He took a deep breath before knocking on the door and cracking it open.
“Hey Daehyun.” Yongguk grinned at him from where he sat at the foot of Junhong’s bed. He muted the TV and stood up. “Are you coming in for a minute? I need to use the bathroom and get a drink.”
Daehyun slid inside, eyes glued to Junhong’s empty ones. When Yongguk shut the door behind him, he sat hesitantly on the bed beside the tiny boy, hoping a miracle would happen and he would suddenly open his mouth and speak.
His eyes roamed over his swollen face and he winced at the sling cradling his arm.
After a few minutes of picking at the corner of his blanket, he finally lifted the corner of his lips at him. “Hi Junhonggie. I missed you.”
Junhong just continued to stare blankly at him, not even acknowledging that he was speaking
Daehyun tried again. “I tried calling you guys last night. I’m sorry I went so long without checking in. My phone was on silent and I was afraid Jongup’s brother would call me and I didn’t really want to talk to him but I shouldn’t have ignored you and…” He realized he was rambling and stopped. “Anyways, I’m sorry, Junhonggie. I should have called you earlier.”
When all the little boy did was blink at him, he frowned, not knowing what to do
“He won’t talk to you.” Yongguk spoke up behind him. “He won’t talk to anybody.”
“Why?”
Yongguk leaned over to brush his fingers across Junhong’s forehead, careful to keep away from his wounds. “The doctor said he’s in shock and it might take a while for him to work through it.” He smiled sadly at his little brother. “But I know you can do it, okay Junhonggie? Hyung will stay right by your side until you’re better.”
Still no response, but Yongguk seemed used to it
“This is all my fault.” Yongguk said slowly. “It should have been me. I was supposed to be the one to get hurt, not him.”
“And I’m sure if you were the one hurt in the bed, Junhong would be saying the same thing.” Daehyun told him. “He loves you. I’m sure he doesn’t blame you.”
Yongguk shook his head. “Yes he does. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. And he should blame me. I’d do anything to make it up to him.” He narrowed his eyes and looked cautiously at him. “Your mom said your friend was coming up next weekend.”
“Yep. I don’t know where he’s gonna sleep, but he’s supposed to be here for a week or so.” Daehyun told him, rifling through his backpack for his homework
Since he had his back turned, he didn’t Yongguk gulp behind him or the way his fists clenched tightly in his lap.
And the look of sheer terror on his face.
---
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Daehyun!”
Mi-Ra squealed into the phone. “Oh my baby, I’ve missed you so much! How is Busan? Your mother said you had a new friend! Is Junhong doing okay? Oh Daehyun-ah, I’m so happy you called.”
He laughed and leaned against the side of the house, rubbing his cold hand along his thigh. “I miss you guys, too. Busan is pretty great. Youngjae, that’s my friend, spent the night last night and we played games. He’s not as good as Jongup, but we had a lot of fun. And Junhong… Well Junhong isn’t doing too good.” He told her, voice cracking unexpectedly on the sentence
She clucked her tongue and sighed. “I didn’t expect him to be. Your mother filled me in this morning. That poor little boy. But at least he has you and your mother to help take care of him now.”
“Is Jongup around?” He asked hopefully.
“Let me go find him. He’s probably in his bedroom moping.”
“Daehyunnie?” Jongup’s excited voice rang out over the line a minute later, filling his chest with warmth for his best friend. “Oh man, I’m so happy you called! What have you been doing? I missed you! I can’t wait to see you! How is Junhong?”
Daehyun closed his eyes and let his voice wash over him, not knowing until then how much he had missed it
“Daehyun?” This time Jongup sounded worried. “Are you still there?”
He realized he had been silent for too long and had to clear his throat to get the emotions out. “Y-Yeah.” He replied shakily. “I’m just so excited to see you this weekend. I’m sorry I haven’t called you lately.”
Jongup chuckled and Daehyun could hear his door shut. “It’s okay, Hyunnie. We’re all just worried about you when you don’t respond. Hyung has been acting like someone killed his puppy.”
The mention of Himchan had an unexpected grin stretch across his face. It made him feel special to know that he had that much of an effect on the older boy. All those years that he had assumed he annoyed Himchan and now to find out that he was missing him made him think maybe he was actually important.
“I’m sorry.” He told him again. “To you and Hyung. It’s just really… Thinking of you guys makes me think of being back home and I don’t like having those memories in my head, Jongup.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But please don’t think I’m trying to push you away. I’m just trying to push them away.”
And Himchan, his mind screamed at him. You have no problems pushing him away.
“I know you couldn’t live without me.” Jongup said smugly. “Who else would kick your butt at our games? How is your new friend? Is he any good?”
“He’s okay. Not as good as you. I actually beat him a few times in a fighting game last night.”
Jongup groaned. “You’re the worst, Daehyun! If you beat him then there’s not even going to be any challenge when I come up!”
“Well you can always try playing Yongguk-hyung. He might be better. I’ve never played him. Junhong probably won’t feel up to playing by then, though.” His voice caught in his throat. “He’s really bad, Jonguppie. His face is so tore up and his arm was broken in three places…” He took a deep breath. “There’s not any of the old Junhong in there. When he looks at me it’s like he doesn’t even see me standing in front of him.”
There was silence on the other end as Jongup tried to figure out how to respond. “Everyone deals with being hurt differently.” He finally said slowly. “You wanted to get away. You moved halfway across the country just to leave it behind. Maybe Junhong is doing the same thing, only in his head?”
That made more sense to Daehyun, letting him understand what the little boy was going through better. Maybe their situations weren’t so different.
When they hung up, promising to talk again the next day, Daehyun felt a weight lift off his chest. Things between him and Jongup had grown more complicated lately and he was worried their five year strong friendship was pulling apart.
But no matter where he went, Jongup was still his Jongup and he would always be waiting patiently for Daehyun to find his way back to him.
He opened up his messages and re-read Himchan’s text from earlier.
My messages aren’t coming back so you’re obviously reading them. So until you block me I’m going to keep writing. Come home, Daehyunnie. Please.
Bravery filled his veins and he quickly typed back a reply, pressing send before he lost his nerve.
Busan IS my home, hyung. But I’d miss you no matter where I went.
---
“Do you want to pick something to watch?” Daehyun asked, holding the remote out to the silent boy beside him.
Junhong shook his head, still staring blankly at the TV. Sighing, Daehyun turned it to a cartoon he knew he liked anyway, glancing at the clock and wishing his mother and Yongguk would hurry up and bring Jongup back. They had gone to pick him up early that morning, taking his grandfather’s truck so that they could swing by Yongguk and Junhong’s apartment and grab some of their stuff.
She had promised to be back by supper, but left him money if he needed to go pick something up for him and Junhong.
The younger boy had finally emerged from the bedroom a few days earlier. He just roamed aimlessly around the house, refusing to even step foot out of the door unless Rae-Ha was with him. His lips were still firmly closed, but he had at least started nodding or shaking his head in response to questions.
Rae-Ha had decided to keep him out of school until winter break was over, giving him time to heal mentally and physically a little more. But just from the week he had spent with him, Daehyun could already tell that it was going to take a lot longer than a break to put Junhong back together. The little boy was a shell of his former self. He didn’t speak, didn’t smile, his eyes didn’t light up. All he did all day was sit unmoving on the couch, knees pulled in to his chest, body curled in on itself
Daehyun thought he looked like someone who had given up, all the spark he had loved about his friend was gone. His mother kept telling him that Junhong just needed some time to recover and that they would get him in to see a doctor if he wanted to talk about it. But it was pointless if he never said anything to anybody.
“Do you want to go to the beach?” He asked hopefully. “It’s too cold to swim, of course. But we can take a walk? You were looking forward to seeing it.”
The hesitation in Junhong's shoulder’s made him hope he had finally gotten through to him, but he let out a disappointed huff of air when he finally shook his head.
A door slamming had him jumping up rushing to his feet and running outside. Jongup stepped out of the truck, a wide grin on his face as he met him halfway, arms swinging around his back
“Jonguppie!” Daehyun closed his eyes and breathed in the scent that was uniquely Jongup. His best friend
“Hey Daehyunnie!” Jongup pulled back and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, bringing him in to his chest. “Busan is so awesome! We drove by the ocean and it was so pretty!”
They grabbed his bags from the truck, Yongguk taking extra caution to keep a wide berth from them. “My mom sent you some cookies that she made. She said to share them with Junhong and that I wasn’t allowed to have any.” He curled his lips. “I might have eaten a few while she was trying to cook them. So where’s Junhong at?”
Daehyun opened his mouth to warn him about what was happening, but closed it when he remembered that Jongup would soon see for himself. “He’s in the living room watching cartoons. Don’t be upset when he doesn’t speak to you.”
Jongup grinned brightly at him, plopping down on the couch. “Hi Junhong-ssi! I brought some Lego’s for you. I don’t really play with them anymore and I knew you liked them.” When Junhong never lifted his eyes from the floor, Jongup’s smile faltered a bit. “Junhong?”
“He won’t answer.” Yongguk’s gruff voice spoke up from the kitchen. “He won’t even talk to us.” Giving his little brother a small smile, Yongguk pulled a stuffed animal out from behind his back. “Look what hyung brought you!”
When his eyes caught sight of the ratty stuffed rabbit in Yongguk’s hands, Junhong’s body froze and a pitiful whine was heard from his lips. He grabbed it with his good hand and nuzzled his face into the soft fur.
Yongguk laid a hand on his shoulder, the grin reaching his eyes for the first time since he’d been there. “Did you miss Mr. Mato?”
Nodding, Junhong looked up and gave him a half-hearted smile before turning back to his obviously much loved doll and squeezing it to his chest
Coming in behind them, Rae-Ha dropped another box on the ground. “You were right. He is happy to have his toy back.”
“It was mine when I was younger.” Yongguk said softly, his fingers running through Junhong’s soft hair. “I gave it to him when our mother left and he likes to have it when he’s sick or hurt.”
They carried in the rest of the boxes, having to store most of them in the garage since the house was already so crowded. After a quick meal and change into pajamas, Jongup and Daehyun curled up together in his bed, just like old times.
Daehyun was on his stomach, face buried in the pillow while Jongup took over the rest of the bed, body splayed like a starfish. He was always a bed hog, it was just harder to deal with in this tiny bed. An empty box of cookies lay beside the bed, both boys devouring it after separating an appropriate amount for Junhong.
“School sucks without you.” Jongup said sadly, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. “A couple of people from my dance class asked me to each lunch with them but they’re so boring. All they want to do is talk about girls and they throw food at each other and all I can think is, man Daehyun would be so mad to see all this wasted food.”
Laughing, he elbowed him in the chest. “I’m growing, okay! And since when do you not want to talk about girls? I used to not be able to get you to shut up about them.”
Jongup’s smile seemed forced as he shrugged and wrapped an arm around Daehyun’s waist. “I just miss talking with you, Daehyunnie.” He yawned against his hair. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that hyung said hello and that he wouldn’t text you while I was here, but that he misses you.”
He was glad his cheeks were hidden in the pillow so that Jongup couldn’t see the blush creeping across them. Himchan had texted him every night for the past week. He hadn’t responded to every one because they usually just consisted of I miss you. Come home. But he had put forth an effort not to ignore him again.
Last night Himchan had sent him a picture of himself, his lips pouting as he tried to make his expression sad. Hyung wants to hear Daehyun-ah’s voice!
He had laughed and saved the picture to his phone before responding back with a frowny face. There was no way he was confident enough to record himself talking.
“I never knew you and hyung were so close.” Jongup said, his voice thick with sleep. “It’s nice though. Sometimes I wish him and I were closer.”
Daehyun suddenly felt guilty for stealing Himchan’s attention when he should have been using it to bond with his brother. Now that he was gone they had more time to spend together.
“Goodnight Jonguppie.” He whispered, patting his arm
The mumble in his ear sounded like it might be been a goodnight, but he wasn’t sure, both of them happily drifting off to sleep.
---
“Do you boys want to try and cook something on the grill tonight?” Rae-Ha asked, dropping off a load of laundry by Daehyun’s door the next evening. “I’m taking your grandfather out for supper and then I’m probably going to drop him off at the bar with his friends afterwards. I think he needs a night out without so many kids around him.”
Daehyun nodded, jeering at Jongup when he ran his car off the road and claimed the winner’s trophy yet again. “Here Yongguk-hyung, it’s your turn.” He handed him the controller before turning to his mother. “Can I invite Youngjae over? He wanted to meet Jongup.”
She sighed but agreed. There were already so many boys in the house, what difference would one more make?
Youngjae excitedly bowed and clapped when he met Jongup, telling him everything Daehyun had told him about his best friend. Jongup blushed and tried to act embarrassed, but Daehyun could see the smugness in his eyes at knowing he was still the top friend. The two boys took to the bedroom, already claiming to be the better gamer and challenging each other to a competition
Daehyun and Yongguk sprawled out on the couch, Junhong still curled up in the corner where he sat every day.
“You want to go outside and help us grill something, Junhonggie?” Daehyun asked, scooting closer to him. “Grandpa taught me how to use it and if you want then I could show you.”
Junhong shook his head, fingers stroking through his doll’s fur, his blank eyes not moving from the animated images racing across the TV
Yongguk wrapped an arm around Daehyun’s shoulder and pulled him in to his side. “Thank you for trying.” He whispered into his ear
They watched the show in comfortable silence until Rae-Ha emerged from her bedroom pulling her coat on. “I’m going to be heading out now. I’m picking your grandpa up from the docks. Do you remember how to turn the grill on, Daehyun?”
“If he doesn’t then I do.” Yongguk spoke up
“Good, good.” She smiled at Junhong and kissed his forehead. “Momma will be back late tonight, okay? You go on to sleep in our bed and I’ll be there when you wake up.”
His dark eyes met hers, face still void of any emotion
“Well.” She stood up and tried to blink back the wetness in her eyes before the other boys noticed it. “I’ll be going. Be good. Don’t be loud. And make sure you turn the grill off when you’re done. I put some stuff in bowls in the fridge for you.”
After she left, Daehyun slumped back against Yongguk, enjoying the warmth of having a body bigger than his pressed against him. He didn’t smell like cologne and he didn’t bark in laughter at every little thing that happened on the TV though. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend that it was Himchan he was laying with. Even though he had only been in his arms a few times, he could still remember the way the slim body felt against his, the way his fingers naturally knew just where to scratch on his scalp to make him whimper.
“What’s wrong?” Yongguk sounded concerned, feeling the boy’s body tense up.
He looked up and frowned. “I miss Himchan.” He admitted quietly. “Is that bad?”
Yongguk chuckled and shook his head. “Of course it’s not bad, kid. If you miss him then you miss him. Haven’t you been texting each other every night? I hear your phone go off at seven on the dot.”
He let out a sigh. “Kinda. He keeps sending me messages but I don’t reply to them all. Sometimes I just like seeing his name on my phone and knowing he’s thinking of me. I don’t really want to talk to him or see him yet.” His glasses slid to the end of his nose and he huffed, pushing them back up. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” Yongguk told him. “There’s nothing at all wrong with you, Daehyun-ah.”
“But I miss a boy.” He mumbled fiddling with the bottom of his sweater. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”
Jongup and Youngjae emerged from the bedroom before the older boy could answer. Jongup glared hatefully at the two of them sitting so close together on the couch making Daehyun frown in confusion.
“No Daehyun.” Yongguk said softly to him, patting his shoulder as he stood up. “I don’t think it’s weird at all.”
---
“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Jongup snapped, trying to grab the utensil out of his hand.
Yongguk sighed in exasperation and held it over his head. “Yes, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. Please go away.”
“You’re burning it.”
“No I’m not.”
“You have it too hot.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’m going to go inside and find something else to eat because you’re obviously not able to provide f-“
“Dammit Jongup!” Yongguk exploded, his fists clenching at his side. “I swear if you don’t shut the f-“
“Why don’t I take Junhong inside?” Youngjae spoke up, eyes darting nervously between the two angry boys. He gently tapped his shoulder and motioned towards the house when Junhong turned his stare towards him. “Do you want to go watch some cartoons with me, Junhong-ssi?” He led him into the house by the elbow, chattering happily as if it didn’t matter that he wasn’t responding.
Daehyun bit his lip. “Is there a reason you two hate each other so much?” He finally asked. “Anytime you’re together you act like the other person tried to kill you or something.”
“It’s nothing, Daehyun.” Yongguk turned his attention back to the grill, turning the meat over carefully. “Don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t believe it was nothing, not with the way Jongup’s eyes flashed with malice anytime he laid eyes on the older boy
But it was none of his business. And he was smart enough to realize that he would only be making things worse if he got involved.
“Jonguppie, do you care to help me set the table?” Daehyun asked, trying to separate them. “I might need help reaching the plates.”
“Sure.” His best friend’s bright smile turned towards him, all traces of his earlier aggression gone. “Let’s go.”
He turned to Yongguk once more before following Daehyun into the house. They locked eyes, Jongup flinching at the amount of hurt reflecting back at him
Swallowing thickly, he turned away and left him alone outside.
“So?” Daehyun shut the bedroom door and turned to Jongup with a raised eyebrow.
Jongup crossed his arms and leaned back against the bed. “So what?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on between you and Yongguk-hyung?” He narrowed his eyes as he studied his best friend. “You’re hiding something from me. I thought you said no more secrets.”
The other boy fidgeted nervously on the bed. “It’s nothing, Daehyun. I already told you. I just don’t like him.”
He couldn’t look him in the eye and Daehyun knew he was being lied to. But he realized that maybe this was a secret that Jongup deserved to keep to himself. After all, he had his own private secrets with Himchan. Ones that he could never tell Jongup.
“Ok.” He said calmly. “If you don’t want to talk about it then I won’t make you.”
Jongup looked confused. “Ok? Just like that? You’re not gonna ask any more?”
He shrugged and slipped his shirt off to change into his pajamas. “Nope. But if you’re allowed to have secrets then so am I.”
“What?” Jongup scrambled off the bed and blocked him from moving. “You have secrets? What are they? Why don’t I know them? That’s not fair!”
Laughing, Daehyun batted his hands away and pushed him back onto the bed. “Uh-uh. Go away. My secrets. Not yours.”
“You’re mean.” Jongup pouted and turned his back towards him, curling against the wall as far away as he could get.
“Jonguppie…” He sighed and crawled into bed after him, throwing a leg over his waist. “Don’t be like that.” He snuck his fingers up the side of his tank top and tickled his ribs, knowing that was the one spot that would make Jongup giggle and squeal.
It did the trick, the other boy screaming for mercy and trying to force him off. Daehyun slid over his back, barely able to hold him down as he leaned over and dug his chin into his nape.
“S-Stop Daehyunnie!” Jongup forced out, rocking back and forth trying to force him off. “Stop!”
The bedroom door slammed open, Yongguk racing in with concern etching his features. He stopped short, seeing Daehyun straddling a red-faced Jongup’s back and his eyes widened.
“I thought…” He backed away slowly. “You sounded like you were hurt. I didn’t mean to- Sorry!” He ran out before they could say anything.
“What was that about?” Daehyun laughed, sliding off and burying his face in his pillow. “Did you see the look on his face?”
Jongup grimaced. “Yeah.” He muttered, turning back towards the wall. “I saw it.”
---
When Jongup went home after a week of visiting, Daehyun was sad but he felt happier than he had in a long time. He was finally starting to realize that he was surrounded by people who cared about him and it was a new feeling that he had never experienced before.
Yongguk and Junhong living with them made the house more crowded than it needed to be, but he loved it and wouldn’t want it any other way. Yongguk was out every day searching for a job and Junhong was always there to keep him company. Even if he was still stand-offish and silent, it was nice just having him close by.
And he had Youngjae, who Jongup had finally decided wasn’t a threat to their friendship, so he had been welcomed into their daily video game sessions. But the other boy usually only played a few rounds before he wandered off to sit with Junhong on the couch. Daehyun could hear him happily chattering away to him, not caring at all that he was basically talking to himself.
“Why do you talk to Junhong even if you know he won’t respond?” Daehyun asked one day as they were walking back from the store.
Youngjae bit into his chocolate bar and shrugged. “I don’t care that he doesn’t say anything. I think he probably just likes knowing someone is there. And he doesn’t have to speak for me to know what he’s thinking.” His eyes lit up and he chuckled. “The other day we were watching something and I laughed and accidentally kicked him so he kicked me back and we fought for a few minutes before he grinned at me. He actually smiled. A real smile.”
Daehyun stopped in his tracks. “You made Junhong smile? We’ve not seen that since before he got hurt!”
The other boy acted like it was no big deal and kept walking. “I think he likes me. Sometimes when I’m getting ready to leave he looks upset and pats the seat next to him wanting me to stay.”
“Wow.” Daehyun couldn’t believe that someone Junhong barely knew was able to draw him out of his shell when they couldn’t even do it. But maybe he needed someone who didn’t know him and didn’t look at him with so much pity and regret in their eyes. “Thank you.” He told him. “For taking care of him, I guess.”
Youngjae smiled and pushed him playfully. “Don’t worry about it. He’s a cute kid. I like keeping him company.” He held up a bag of candy. “I got this for him from the store. Does he like candy?”
“He used to.” Daehyun told him. “Before the accident. He acted like he ate sugar all day. But he only ever eats now when my mom makes him, so you can try it, but I don’t know.”
When they walked in, Youngjae immediately ran to Junhong’s side and proudly presented the bag of candy. Daehyun watched him carefully from across the room, not wanting to interfere.
Junhong looked at his outstretched hand and then up at his face in confusion.
“It’s for you.” Youngjae told him patiently. “I wanted you to have some.”
Hesitantly, he reached up and took it, his cheeks turning red as he gripped the bag tightly. “Thank you.” Daehyun heard him whisper quietly, his voice hoarse from not using it for weeks.
Youngjae grinned, not giving the fact that he finally spoke a passing thought. “You’re welcome. Can I watch TV with you?”
Junhong nodded and scooted closer to the armrest so that Youngjae would have more room. Daehyun watched the exchange with shock written all over his face.
His mom walked out of the bedroom and waved at the newcomer on the couch before turning her attention to her son. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Junhong talked.” He whispered.
She gasped and covered her mouth. “What? Are you sure? What did he say?”
“He thanked Youngjae for buying him something from the store. Youngjae told him that he even smiled at him!”
Rae-Ha turned to the two boys with watery eyes. “My sweet boy.” She murmured to herself. “This makes me so happy. Maybe he will actually be able to start school next month.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure if he was that optimistic but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by disagreeing.
He heard his phone beep from his bedroom and ran off towards it, hoping it was a text. Himchan hadn’t texted him since before Jongup had come to visit and he was worried he had finally given up on him.
Daehyun-ah! Have you missed me???
A grin stretched across his face at the question and he typed back a hurried Of course I have, Hyung!
~
I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy doing holiday get togethers and I haven’t been home. What are you doing? Will you send me a picture now?
He laughed as he replied to the oft-repeated question.
You saw me every day for years. I think you remember what I look like.
~
:`( That’s not very nice. I sent you one! You better not have saved it! Delete it if I can’t have one in return!
~
Sorry, already saved it. :p Jongup took lots of pictures of us while he was here. Just steal one of his.
~
WHAT? He did? BRB.
Daehyun waited for a while for Himchan to come back, wondering how he was going to explain to Jongup that he needed his camera. He wasn’t sure if his friend knew that he and Himchan were talking so much to each other and he didn’t want to bring it up. Mainly because he wasn’t sure what was happening either and thought it best to keep it to himself.
A beep had him glancing back at his phone, anxious to see what Himchan would say about the pictures. A part of him was worried that one day Himchan would realize he was nothing, just an insignificant pest and he’d stop talking to him.
Awww my cute little Daehyunnie!!! Hyung has so many pictures of you now!
He blushed and asked him how he got them all off Jongup’s camera without telling him why he needed it.
I told him I needed to borrow it for school and put the memory stick in my computer. ^^ There’s a lot on here!
Daehyun grimaced thinking about what all embarrassing photos Himchan would see of him. Before he could reply back the phone beeped telling him there was another message.
But it would make me happier to have one taken just for me.
His lips curled up into a smile. Even though he hated taking pictures of himself, it was sweet that Himchan wanted one of him. Maybe his looks weren’t as bad as he thought. He glanced at himself in his dresser mirror. Sure he needed braces and maybe getting rid of his glasses wouldn’t hurt, but other than that he realized that he was semi-okay looking. He pulled the glasses off and squinted, trying to see through the blurriness.
Lifting his phone up, he gave it a shy smile and clicked the button. He sent it to Himchan before he lost his nerve and impatiently waited for a reply.
After four long minutes, he finally got one and had to hold back the laugh at the image of his screen.
Himchan had sent him a screen full of keyboard smashes and smiley faces ending with asking him where his glasses were.
I hate my glasses. I want to get contacts.
He got a sad face in response. Himchan telling him he looked cute in glasses made him blush.
“Daehyun? I’ve got dinner ready. Tell Himchan goodbye.” His mother said, shooting him a wink as she leaned her head in his room.
He hurriedly told him goodbye, not sure how his mother knew that was who he was talking to, but suddenly feeling embarrassed.
Goodbye Daehyunnie! Have sweet dreams tonight!
Daehyun smiled, his heart feeling light. Moving here was a good thing, he told himself for the hundredth time. He and Himchan had bonded more in the last couple weeks than they had in the years they had known each other. Knowing the older boy thought about him frequently and missed him was enough to make him feel like bursting.
He actually really missed Himchan, Daehyun realized.
---
“Junhonggie, are you sure you're okay to walk to school with Daehyun? Your brother or I could take you.” Rae-Ha was nervously wringing her hands. Today was Junhong’s first day back at school, the doctor finally signing off and giving him permission to go.
He shook his head. “Daehyun.” He whispered quietly.
It had been about a week since he had started speaking again, but only in short one or two word sentences and only if he absolutely had to. They were all thrilled and thought it meant he was getting better and would soon be back to his normal self.
Daehyun helped him on with his backpack, pulling his coat on to one arm and zipping it up to cover the broken one and they headed up the street, an excited Youngjae waiting for them at the corner.
“Junhonggie!” He grinned, grabbing the younger boy’s hand and swinging it along in his as they walked. “I brought you some candy for after school. You have to promise me you’ll talk in class though, okay? Hyung wants you to make friends.”
“I promise.” Junhong smiled shyly up at him and moved closer.
It was sweet how much he looked up to him, Daehyun thought. He was the only person that Junhong willingly talked to and when he was around Youngjae the blank mask would sometimes slip off of his face and the old Junhong would appear for a few seconds. Sometimes it was hard to see past the now fading bruises and scratches, but he was hopeful that with time Junhong would be back to normal.
They walked the nervous boy to the office and left him with Youngjae giving him one last reassuring squeeze of the hand and promising to find him the second school was out.
Luckily, their school was just a block away so they wouldn’t have to go far to get him. Junhong was still obviously scared to death about being left alone, but Rae-Ha had spoken to the guidance counselor and she had promised to inform all of his teachers about his situation so they would be aware.
But everyone was still worried about him. The two boys were quiet as they headed towards their own school. Youngjae looked the most worried. He had taken it upon himself to be Junhong’s cheerleader, always trying his hardest to make him smile and get him to talk.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” He asked sadly, putting his books in his desk. “I don’t like that he’s going to be surrounded by strangers all day.”
Daehyun smiled. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Mom will probably call the school every hour to check up on him. And he’ll be excited to see you when he gets out.”
Youngjae let out a deep breath and tried to look happy, but he had grown close to the little boy in the last few weeks and he was worried sick.
---
“Hyung!” A shrill voice yelled across the courtyard. Youngjae grinned as the tiny powerhouse slammed into his chest, knocking him backwards into the ground. “Candy!”
Junhong had an actual smile on his face, a real one. He held his hand out and pointed to his mouth.
“Did you talk to people today?” Youngjae asked, pulling the bag out of his pocket.
Nodding, Junhong reached impatiently for the candy.
“Did you make any new friends?”
He froze and slowly shook his head. Youngjae sighed and handed him the candy bag anyway. “But you’ll keep trying won’t you?” He asked gently, helping him to his feet and brushing the snow off his pants.
Junhong ignored him, tearing into the bag with his teeth.
Youngjae realized he wasn’t going to get any more than that and gave up, wrapping his arm around Junhong’s shoulder as they headed back home.
Waiting at the door was a nervous Yongguk, his eyes full of worry as he scanned his brother from head to toe. He still had on his overalls so he must have run straight from the auto shop to meet them.
“Hyung missed you today.” He said happily. “I made sure to schedule my break when I knew you would be coming home. How was school?”
Shrugging, Junhong threw his backpack onto the floor and blinked casually at him.
“Did you make a friend?” He asked hopefully.
He shook his head and pointed to Daehyun and Youngjae. “Friends.” He said quietly.
Yongguk let out a deep breath. “I know they’re your friends, Junhonggie.” His voice trembled a little on his brother’s name. “But I bet you would enjoy having a few friends your own age to play with, too. Someone who could play with you.”
Another shake was his answer, Junhong’s small hand sliding into Youngjae’s. “Best.”
Youngjae grinned proudly and squeezed his fingers. “You’re my best friend too. But shh, don’t tell Daehyunnie!” He winked at him, causing the younger boy to giggle.
Even though Yongguk was glad Youngjae had taken his little brother under his wing and was looking out for him, he would still prefer him to befriend someone in his grade level too.
“Well it was just the first day.” Yongguk said optimistically. “You can try again tomorrow!”
But Daehyun could tell that Junhong had no intention to make friends at his new school. Youngjae was enough for him and even if his brother didn’t like it, Daehyun didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. The little boy had went through a traumatic experience, they should be jumping for joy that he could still trust someone at all.
Junhong looked innocently at Youngjae and pointed to the couch.
“Do you want to watch cartoons together?” The older boy asked caringly, leading him over and wrapping a blanket around him before turning the TV on. “I picked last time so you can choose today.”
Yongguk visibly slumped once he brother was out of eyesight. “I thought he would talk to at least one person.” He mumbled, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes.
“He’s only ten, hyung. He’ll get better.” Daehyun squeezed his shoulder before following the other two boys into the living room and plopping down on the couch next to them.
He could hear his phone going off in his bedroom, but after a moment’s hesitation he decided to leave it. It was just a text asking how his day was. There was no reason to leave the comfort of being with his friend’s to go answer it right away.
“Aren’t you going to get that?” Youngjae frowned. “You know it’s Jongup’s brother.”
He shook his head, settling back in his seat. “I’ll answer him later. I want to stay here with you all.”
It wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that night that he remembered he was supposed to reply, but by then his phone was dead and he was too tired to wait for it to charge.
“I’ll text him back tomorrow.” He promised himself, not caring that he was horrible at remembering things.
---
Two months later
Daehyun could feel the early morning sun shining into his eyes and knew he needed to get up for school, but he was so tired and his bed was so comfortable and soft.
“Hyung?” A quiet voice murmured his name from behind him. He grumbled and waved it away, trying to get back into position. “Daehyun-hyung?”
“Whaddayouwant?” Daehyun pulled the pillow over his face and groaned.
Junhong crawled up onto the bed beside him and rested his cheek on Daehyun’s shoulder. “Was wondering something…”
This must have been something important for Junhong to not only wake him up but to also be speaking several words at a time. He still only spoke when necessary.
“What’s wrong, Junhonggie?” Daehyun rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and turned over to look at him. “Are you okay?”
The scratches and bruising had all disappeared finally and his arm was now in just a wrap-around bandage, but his face would always have the barely visible scars.
He flinched at the sound of his name. “Don’t like my name.” He shook his head and squeezed Daehyun’s shirt between his fists. “They called me that.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say about this new information. Junhong still refused to talk about what happened that day and his therapist said not to push him, that he would talk if he was ready.
“I’m sorry.” Daehyun said cautiously. “But Junhong is your name. What do you want to do to make it better?”
Junhong pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket where dozens of different names were written in pencil and scratched out. “New.” He pointed to the name circled on the bottom of the page, the only one that didn’t have thin black lines through it. “Zelo.”
“Zelo.” The unusual name felt weird on his tongue, but it made Junhong smile when he said it. “Did you think of this name yourself?”
“Youngjae-hyung.” Junhong, no Zelo, folded the paper up and shoved it back into his pocket. “Helped.”
Daehyun stretched and yawned, patting his back as he crawled over to get out of bed. “I’ll tell mom and Yongguk, okay? You go back to sleep for a little bit. It’s barely six.”
The other two were already up and getting ready for work. Yongguk's face tightened when he heard the news, but if it made his brother feel better then he was willing to do anything.
“Tell him I’ll try to take a break when he gets out of school today, okay? I’ve been working so many double shifts that I’ve barely had any time to see him lately.”
Everyone could see that Yongguk was still taking what had happened two months ago just as hard as his brother had. He worked every spare second of the day and gave Rae-Ha his entire check even though she pleaded with him to keep some for himself. He only ate enough to survive and slept most nights in just a pair of pajama pants, a thin blanket the only thing to cover him.
Daehyun thought he was trying to make himself as miserable as possible thinking it would make up for what happened, even if it wasn’t really his fault.
“Have you talked to Jongup and Himchan lately?” Yongguk continued, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean, you haven’t mentioned them or anything.”
He narrowed his eyes, still suspicious of him and his best friend. “I talked to Jongup yesterday. His birthday’s next week.” Daehyun had thought about going back to the city and spend his best friend’s birthday with him doing everything they always loved to do together but every time it popped into his head it made his skin crawl. The city would always hold a sour taste for him. “And I don’t really talk to Himchan very much anymore.” After he took a few days to reply back that one time things had gotten uncomfortable between them. Himchan no longer sent him random teasing texts or spent hours wanting to know every little thing he had done during the day.
“I’m sure he misses you.” Yongguk’s smile was kind, but his eyes were still lined with fatigue. “When was the last time you talked to him?”
“Eight days ago.” Daehyun mumbled. “He asked me if I was coming home for Jongup’s birthday and I told him I had to stay here for school. He never replied.”
Yongguk rolled his eyes. He was seventeen, practically a man. This was below him. Everyone could see they were crazy about each other. And who was he to judge age differences?
“Just text him when you get out of school. Tell him you were thinking of him and wanted to say hi.”
He shook his head excitedly. “I have an appointment after school! My mom said that since we don’t have to pay rent anymore that I can get braces. So I have to go to the orthodontist.”
Yongguk knew he was self-conscious over his teeth so he was happy for him. “That’s great, Daehyun-ah! I hope they turn out how you want them. I’ll see you later, okay?”
They waved goodbye as Daehyun went back inside to help his mother fix breakfast. Junhong would be up soon. No, Daehyun mentally slapped himself. He needed to change that.
Zelo would be hungry.
(fourteen)
Rated: PG13
Length: 7.8K
“Can I go in and see Junhong now?” Daehyun shyly asked his mother a few hours after Youngjae left. She had been running around frantically all morning calling people about Junhong and making lists of things to do and she was now finally taking a quick lunch break.
Rae-Ha nodded, “Of course. Yongguk’s in there with him so just go on in.”
He took a deep breath before knocking on the door and cracking it open.
“Hey Daehyun.” Yongguk grinned at him from where he sat at the foot of Junhong’s bed. He muted the TV and stood up. “Are you coming in for a minute? I need to use the bathroom and get a drink.”
Daehyun slid inside, eyes glued to Junhong’s empty ones. When Yongguk shut the door behind him, he sat hesitantly on the bed beside the tiny boy, hoping a miracle would happen and he would suddenly open his mouth and speak.
His eyes roamed over his swollen face and he winced at the sling cradling his arm.
After a few minutes of picking at the corner of his blanket, he finally lifted the corner of his lips at him. “Hi Junhonggie. I missed you.”
Junhong just continued to stare blankly at him, not even acknowledging that he was speaking
Daehyun tried again. “I tried calling you guys last night. I’m sorry I went so long without checking in. My phone was on silent and I was afraid Jongup’s brother would call me and I didn’t really want to talk to him but I shouldn’t have ignored you and…” He realized he was rambling and stopped. “Anyways, I’m sorry, Junhonggie. I should have called you earlier.”
When all the little boy did was blink at him, he frowned, not knowing what to do
“He won’t talk to you.” Yongguk spoke up behind him. “He won’t talk to anybody.”
“Why?”
Yongguk leaned over to brush his fingers across Junhong’s forehead, careful to keep away from his wounds. “The doctor said he’s in shock and it might take a while for him to work through it.” He smiled sadly at his little brother. “But I know you can do it, okay Junhonggie? Hyung will stay right by your side until you’re better.”
Still no response, but Yongguk seemed used to it
“This is all my fault.” Yongguk said slowly. “It should have been me. I was supposed to be the one to get hurt, not him.”
“And I’m sure if you were the one hurt in the bed, Junhong would be saying the same thing.” Daehyun told him. “He loves you. I’m sure he doesn’t blame you.”
Yongguk shook his head. “Yes he does. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. And he should blame me. I’d do anything to make it up to him.” He narrowed his eyes and looked cautiously at him. “Your mom said your friend was coming up next weekend.”
“Yep. I don’t know where he’s gonna sleep, but he’s supposed to be here for a week or so.” Daehyun told him, rifling through his backpack for his homework
Since he had his back turned, he didn’t Yongguk gulp behind him or the way his fists clenched tightly in his lap.
And the look of sheer terror on his face.
---
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Daehyun!”
Mi-Ra squealed into the phone. “Oh my baby, I’ve missed you so much! How is Busan? Your mother said you had a new friend! Is Junhong doing okay? Oh Daehyun-ah, I’m so happy you called.”
He laughed and leaned against the side of the house, rubbing his cold hand along his thigh. “I miss you guys, too. Busan is pretty great. Youngjae, that’s my friend, spent the night last night and we played games. He’s not as good as Jongup, but we had a lot of fun. And Junhong… Well Junhong isn’t doing too good.” He told her, voice cracking unexpectedly on the sentence
She clucked her tongue and sighed. “I didn’t expect him to be. Your mother filled me in this morning. That poor little boy. But at least he has you and your mother to help take care of him now.”
“Is Jongup around?” He asked hopefully.
“Let me go find him. He’s probably in his bedroom moping.”
“Daehyunnie?” Jongup’s excited voice rang out over the line a minute later, filling his chest with warmth for his best friend. “Oh man, I’m so happy you called! What have you been doing? I missed you! I can’t wait to see you! How is Junhong?”
Daehyun closed his eyes and let his voice wash over him, not knowing until then how much he had missed it
“Daehyun?” This time Jongup sounded worried. “Are you still there?”
He realized he had been silent for too long and had to clear his throat to get the emotions out. “Y-Yeah.” He replied shakily. “I’m just so excited to see you this weekend. I’m sorry I haven’t called you lately.”
Jongup chuckled and Daehyun could hear his door shut. “It’s okay, Hyunnie. We’re all just worried about you when you don’t respond. Hyung has been acting like someone killed his puppy.”
The mention of Himchan had an unexpected grin stretch across his face. It made him feel special to know that he had that much of an effect on the older boy. All those years that he had assumed he annoyed Himchan and now to find out that he was missing him made him think maybe he was actually important.
“I’m sorry.” He told him again. “To you and Hyung. It’s just really… Thinking of you guys makes me think of being back home and I don’t like having those memories in my head, Jongup.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But please don’t think I’m trying to push you away. I’m just trying to push them away.”
And Himchan, his mind screamed at him. You have no problems pushing him away.
“I know you couldn’t live without me.” Jongup said smugly. “Who else would kick your butt at our games? How is your new friend? Is he any good?”
“He’s okay. Not as good as you. I actually beat him a few times in a fighting game last night.”
Jongup groaned. “You’re the worst, Daehyun! If you beat him then there’s not even going to be any challenge when I come up!”
“Well you can always try playing Yongguk-hyung. He might be better. I’ve never played him. Junhong probably won’t feel up to playing by then, though.” His voice caught in his throat. “He’s really bad, Jonguppie. His face is so tore up and his arm was broken in three places…” He took a deep breath. “There’s not any of the old Junhong in there. When he looks at me it’s like he doesn’t even see me standing in front of him.”
There was silence on the other end as Jongup tried to figure out how to respond. “Everyone deals with being hurt differently.” He finally said slowly. “You wanted to get away. You moved halfway across the country just to leave it behind. Maybe Junhong is doing the same thing, only in his head?”
That made more sense to Daehyun, letting him understand what the little boy was going through better. Maybe their situations weren’t so different.
When they hung up, promising to talk again the next day, Daehyun felt a weight lift off his chest. Things between him and Jongup had grown more complicated lately and he was worried their five year strong friendship was pulling apart.
But no matter where he went, Jongup was still his Jongup and he would always be waiting patiently for Daehyun to find his way back to him.
He opened up his messages and re-read Himchan’s text from earlier.
My messages aren’t coming back so you’re obviously reading them. So until you block me I’m going to keep writing. Come home, Daehyunnie. Please.
Bravery filled his veins and he quickly typed back a reply, pressing send before he lost his nerve.
Busan IS my home, hyung. But I’d miss you no matter where I went.
---
“Do you want to pick something to watch?” Daehyun asked, holding the remote out to the silent boy beside him.
Junhong shook his head, still staring blankly at the TV. Sighing, Daehyun turned it to a cartoon he knew he liked anyway, glancing at the clock and wishing his mother and Yongguk would hurry up and bring Jongup back. They had gone to pick him up early that morning, taking his grandfather’s truck so that they could swing by Yongguk and Junhong’s apartment and grab some of their stuff.
She had promised to be back by supper, but left him money if he needed to go pick something up for him and Junhong.
The younger boy had finally emerged from the bedroom a few days earlier. He just roamed aimlessly around the house, refusing to even step foot out of the door unless Rae-Ha was with him. His lips were still firmly closed, but he had at least started nodding or shaking his head in response to questions.
Rae-Ha had decided to keep him out of school until winter break was over, giving him time to heal mentally and physically a little more. But just from the week he had spent with him, Daehyun could already tell that it was going to take a lot longer than a break to put Junhong back together. The little boy was a shell of his former self. He didn’t speak, didn’t smile, his eyes didn’t light up. All he did all day was sit unmoving on the couch, knees pulled in to his chest, body curled in on itself
Daehyun thought he looked like someone who had given up, all the spark he had loved about his friend was gone. His mother kept telling him that Junhong just needed some time to recover and that they would get him in to see a doctor if he wanted to talk about it. But it was pointless if he never said anything to anybody.
“Do you want to go to the beach?” He asked hopefully. “It’s too cold to swim, of course. But we can take a walk? You were looking forward to seeing it.”
The hesitation in Junhong's shoulder’s made him hope he had finally gotten through to him, but he let out a disappointed huff of air when he finally shook his head.
A door slamming had him jumping up rushing to his feet and running outside. Jongup stepped out of the truck, a wide grin on his face as he met him halfway, arms swinging around his back
“Jonguppie!” Daehyun closed his eyes and breathed in the scent that was uniquely Jongup. His best friend
“Hey Daehyunnie!” Jongup pulled back and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, bringing him in to his chest. “Busan is so awesome! We drove by the ocean and it was so pretty!”
They grabbed his bags from the truck, Yongguk taking extra caution to keep a wide berth from them. “My mom sent you some cookies that she made. She said to share them with Junhong and that I wasn’t allowed to have any.” He curled his lips. “I might have eaten a few while she was trying to cook them. So where’s Junhong at?”
Daehyun opened his mouth to warn him about what was happening, but closed it when he remembered that Jongup would soon see for himself. “He’s in the living room watching cartoons. Don’t be upset when he doesn’t speak to you.”
Jongup grinned brightly at him, plopping down on the couch. “Hi Junhong-ssi! I brought some Lego’s for you. I don’t really play with them anymore and I knew you liked them.” When Junhong never lifted his eyes from the floor, Jongup’s smile faltered a bit. “Junhong?”
“He won’t answer.” Yongguk’s gruff voice spoke up from the kitchen. “He won’t even talk to us.” Giving his little brother a small smile, Yongguk pulled a stuffed animal out from behind his back. “Look what hyung brought you!”
When his eyes caught sight of the ratty stuffed rabbit in Yongguk’s hands, Junhong’s body froze and a pitiful whine was heard from his lips. He grabbed it with his good hand and nuzzled his face into the soft fur.
Yongguk laid a hand on his shoulder, the grin reaching his eyes for the first time since he’d been there. “Did you miss Mr. Mato?”
Nodding, Junhong looked up and gave him a half-hearted smile before turning back to his obviously much loved doll and squeezing it to his chest
Coming in behind them, Rae-Ha dropped another box on the ground. “You were right. He is happy to have his toy back.”
“It was mine when I was younger.” Yongguk said softly, his fingers running through Junhong’s soft hair. “I gave it to him when our mother left and he likes to have it when he’s sick or hurt.”
They carried in the rest of the boxes, having to store most of them in the garage since the house was already so crowded. After a quick meal and change into pajamas, Jongup and Daehyun curled up together in his bed, just like old times.
Daehyun was on his stomach, face buried in the pillow while Jongup took over the rest of the bed, body splayed like a starfish. He was always a bed hog, it was just harder to deal with in this tiny bed. An empty box of cookies lay beside the bed, both boys devouring it after separating an appropriate amount for Junhong.
“School sucks without you.” Jongup said sadly, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. “A couple of people from my dance class asked me to each lunch with them but they’re so boring. All they want to do is talk about girls and they throw food at each other and all I can think is, man Daehyun would be so mad to see all this wasted food.”
Laughing, he elbowed him in the chest. “I’m growing, okay! And since when do you not want to talk about girls? I used to not be able to get you to shut up about them.”
Jongup’s smile seemed forced as he shrugged and wrapped an arm around Daehyun’s waist. “I just miss talking with you, Daehyunnie.” He yawned against his hair. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that hyung said hello and that he wouldn’t text you while I was here, but that he misses you.”
He was glad his cheeks were hidden in the pillow so that Jongup couldn’t see the blush creeping across them. Himchan had texted him every night for the past week. He hadn’t responded to every one because they usually just consisted of I miss you. Come home. But he had put forth an effort not to ignore him again.
Last night Himchan had sent him a picture of himself, his lips pouting as he tried to make his expression sad. Hyung wants to hear Daehyun-ah’s voice!
He had laughed and saved the picture to his phone before responding back with a frowny face. There was no way he was confident enough to record himself talking.
“I never knew you and hyung were so close.” Jongup said, his voice thick with sleep. “It’s nice though. Sometimes I wish him and I were closer.”
Daehyun suddenly felt guilty for stealing Himchan’s attention when he should have been using it to bond with his brother. Now that he was gone they had more time to spend together.
“Goodnight Jonguppie.” He whispered, patting his arm
The mumble in his ear sounded like it might be been a goodnight, but he wasn’t sure, both of them happily drifting off to sleep.
---
“Do you boys want to try and cook something on the grill tonight?” Rae-Ha asked, dropping off a load of laundry by Daehyun’s door the next evening. “I’m taking your grandfather out for supper and then I’m probably going to drop him off at the bar with his friends afterwards. I think he needs a night out without so many kids around him.”
Daehyun nodded, jeering at Jongup when he ran his car off the road and claimed the winner’s trophy yet again. “Here Yongguk-hyung, it’s your turn.” He handed him the controller before turning to his mother. “Can I invite Youngjae over? He wanted to meet Jongup.”
She sighed but agreed. There were already so many boys in the house, what difference would one more make?
Youngjae excitedly bowed and clapped when he met Jongup, telling him everything Daehyun had told him about his best friend. Jongup blushed and tried to act embarrassed, but Daehyun could see the smugness in his eyes at knowing he was still the top friend. The two boys took to the bedroom, already claiming to be the better gamer and challenging each other to a competition
Daehyun and Yongguk sprawled out on the couch, Junhong still curled up in the corner where he sat every day.
“You want to go outside and help us grill something, Junhonggie?” Daehyun asked, scooting closer to him. “Grandpa taught me how to use it and if you want then I could show you.”
Junhong shook his head, fingers stroking through his doll’s fur, his blank eyes not moving from the animated images racing across the TV
Yongguk wrapped an arm around Daehyun’s shoulder and pulled him in to his side. “Thank you for trying.” He whispered into his ear
They watched the show in comfortable silence until Rae-Ha emerged from her bedroom pulling her coat on. “I’m going to be heading out now. I’m picking your grandpa up from the docks. Do you remember how to turn the grill on, Daehyun?”
“If he doesn’t then I do.” Yongguk spoke up
“Good, good.” She smiled at Junhong and kissed his forehead. “Momma will be back late tonight, okay? You go on to sleep in our bed and I’ll be there when you wake up.”
His dark eyes met hers, face still void of any emotion
“Well.” She stood up and tried to blink back the wetness in her eyes before the other boys noticed it. “I’ll be going. Be good. Don’t be loud. And make sure you turn the grill off when you’re done. I put some stuff in bowls in the fridge for you.”
After she left, Daehyun slumped back against Yongguk, enjoying the warmth of having a body bigger than his pressed against him. He didn’t smell like cologne and he didn’t bark in laughter at every little thing that happened on the TV though. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend that it was Himchan he was laying with. Even though he had only been in his arms a few times, he could still remember the way the slim body felt against his, the way his fingers naturally knew just where to scratch on his scalp to make him whimper.
“What’s wrong?” Yongguk sounded concerned, feeling the boy’s body tense up.
He looked up and frowned. “I miss Himchan.” He admitted quietly. “Is that bad?”
Yongguk chuckled and shook his head. “Of course it’s not bad, kid. If you miss him then you miss him. Haven’t you been texting each other every night? I hear your phone go off at seven on the dot.”
He let out a sigh. “Kinda. He keeps sending me messages but I don’t reply to them all. Sometimes I just like seeing his name on my phone and knowing he’s thinking of me. I don’t really want to talk to him or see him yet.” His glasses slid to the end of his nose and he huffed, pushing them back up. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” Yongguk told him. “There’s nothing at all wrong with you, Daehyun-ah.”
“But I miss a boy.” He mumbled fiddling with the bottom of his sweater. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”
Jongup and Youngjae emerged from the bedroom before the older boy could answer. Jongup glared hatefully at the two of them sitting so close together on the couch making Daehyun frown in confusion.
“No Daehyun.” Yongguk said softly to him, patting his shoulder as he stood up. “I don’t think it’s weird at all.”
---
“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Jongup snapped, trying to grab the utensil out of his hand.
Yongguk sighed in exasperation and held it over his head. “Yes, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. Please go away.”
“You’re burning it.”
“No I’m not.”
“You have it too hot.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’m going to go inside and find something else to eat because you’re obviously not able to provide f-“
“Dammit Jongup!” Yongguk exploded, his fists clenching at his side. “I swear if you don’t shut the f-“
“Why don’t I take Junhong inside?” Youngjae spoke up, eyes darting nervously between the two angry boys. He gently tapped his shoulder and motioned towards the house when Junhong turned his stare towards him. “Do you want to go watch some cartoons with me, Junhong-ssi?” He led him into the house by the elbow, chattering happily as if it didn’t matter that he wasn’t responding.
Daehyun bit his lip. “Is there a reason you two hate each other so much?” He finally asked. “Anytime you’re together you act like the other person tried to kill you or something.”
“It’s nothing, Daehyun.” Yongguk turned his attention back to the grill, turning the meat over carefully. “Don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t believe it was nothing, not with the way Jongup’s eyes flashed with malice anytime he laid eyes on the older boy
But it was none of his business. And he was smart enough to realize that he would only be making things worse if he got involved.
“Jonguppie, do you care to help me set the table?” Daehyun asked, trying to separate them. “I might need help reaching the plates.”
“Sure.” His best friend’s bright smile turned towards him, all traces of his earlier aggression gone. “Let’s go.”
He turned to Yongguk once more before following Daehyun into the house. They locked eyes, Jongup flinching at the amount of hurt reflecting back at him
Swallowing thickly, he turned away and left him alone outside.
“So?” Daehyun shut the bedroom door and turned to Jongup with a raised eyebrow.
Jongup crossed his arms and leaned back against the bed. “So what?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on between you and Yongguk-hyung?” He narrowed his eyes as he studied his best friend. “You’re hiding something from me. I thought you said no more secrets.”
The other boy fidgeted nervously on the bed. “It’s nothing, Daehyun. I already told you. I just don’t like him.”
He couldn’t look him in the eye and Daehyun knew he was being lied to. But he realized that maybe this was a secret that Jongup deserved to keep to himself. After all, he had his own private secrets with Himchan. Ones that he could never tell Jongup.
“Ok.” He said calmly. “If you don’t want to talk about it then I won’t make you.”
Jongup looked confused. “Ok? Just like that? You’re not gonna ask any more?”
He shrugged and slipped his shirt off to change into his pajamas. “Nope. But if you’re allowed to have secrets then so am I.”
“What?” Jongup scrambled off the bed and blocked him from moving. “You have secrets? What are they? Why don’t I know them? That’s not fair!”
Laughing, Daehyun batted his hands away and pushed him back onto the bed. “Uh-uh. Go away. My secrets. Not yours.”
“You’re mean.” Jongup pouted and turned his back towards him, curling against the wall as far away as he could get.
“Jonguppie…” He sighed and crawled into bed after him, throwing a leg over his waist. “Don’t be like that.” He snuck his fingers up the side of his tank top and tickled his ribs, knowing that was the one spot that would make Jongup giggle and squeal.
It did the trick, the other boy screaming for mercy and trying to force him off. Daehyun slid over his back, barely able to hold him down as he leaned over and dug his chin into his nape.
“S-Stop Daehyunnie!” Jongup forced out, rocking back and forth trying to force him off. “Stop!”
The bedroom door slammed open, Yongguk racing in with concern etching his features. He stopped short, seeing Daehyun straddling a red-faced Jongup’s back and his eyes widened.
“I thought…” He backed away slowly. “You sounded like you were hurt. I didn’t mean to- Sorry!” He ran out before they could say anything.
“What was that about?” Daehyun laughed, sliding off and burying his face in his pillow. “Did you see the look on his face?”
Jongup grimaced. “Yeah.” He muttered, turning back towards the wall. “I saw it.”
---
When Jongup went home after a week of visiting, Daehyun was sad but he felt happier than he had in a long time. He was finally starting to realize that he was surrounded by people who cared about him and it was a new feeling that he had never experienced before.
Yongguk and Junhong living with them made the house more crowded than it needed to be, but he loved it and wouldn’t want it any other way. Yongguk was out every day searching for a job and Junhong was always there to keep him company. Even if he was still stand-offish and silent, it was nice just having him close by.
And he had Youngjae, who Jongup had finally decided wasn’t a threat to their friendship, so he had been welcomed into their daily video game sessions. But the other boy usually only played a few rounds before he wandered off to sit with Junhong on the couch. Daehyun could hear him happily chattering away to him, not caring at all that he was basically talking to himself.
“Why do you talk to Junhong even if you know he won’t respond?” Daehyun asked one day as they were walking back from the store.
Youngjae bit into his chocolate bar and shrugged. “I don’t care that he doesn’t say anything. I think he probably just likes knowing someone is there. And he doesn’t have to speak for me to know what he’s thinking.” His eyes lit up and he chuckled. “The other day we were watching something and I laughed and accidentally kicked him so he kicked me back and we fought for a few minutes before he grinned at me. He actually smiled. A real smile.”
Daehyun stopped in his tracks. “You made Junhong smile? We’ve not seen that since before he got hurt!”
The other boy acted like it was no big deal and kept walking. “I think he likes me. Sometimes when I’m getting ready to leave he looks upset and pats the seat next to him wanting me to stay.”
“Wow.” Daehyun couldn’t believe that someone Junhong barely knew was able to draw him out of his shell when they couldn’t even do it. But maybe he needed someone who didn’t know him and didn’t look at him with so much pity and regret in their eyes. “Thank you.” He told him. “For taking care of him, I guess.”
Youngjae smiled and pushed him playfully. “Don’t worry about it. He’s a cute kid. I like keeping him company.” He held up a bag of candy. “I got this for him from the store. Does he like candy?”
“He used to.” Daehyun told him. “Before the accident. He acted like he ate sugar all day. But he only ever eats now when my mom makes him, so you can try it, but I don’t know.”
When they walked in, Youngjae immediately ran to Junhong’s side and proudly presented the bag of candy. Daehyun watched him carefully from across the room, not wanting to interfere.
Junhong looked at his outstretched hand and then up at his face in confusion.
“It’s for you.” Youngjae told him patiently. “I wanted you to have some.”
Hesitantly, he reached up and took it, his cheeks turning red as he gripped the bag tightly. “Thank you.” Daehyun heard him whisper quietly, his voice hoarse from not using it for weeks.
Youngjae grinned, not giving the fact that he finally spoke a passing thought. “You’re welcome. Can I watch TV with you?”
Junhong nodded and scooted closer to the armrest so that Youngjae would have more room. Daehyun watched the exchange with shock written all over his face.
His mom walked out of the bedroom and waved at the newcomer on the couch before turning her attention to her son. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Junhong talked.” He whispered.
She gasped and covered her mouth. “What? Are you sure? What did he say?”
“He thanked Youngjae for buying him something from the store. Youngjae told him that he even smiled at him!”
Rae-Ha turned to the two boys with watery eyes. “My sweet boy.” She murmured to herself. “This makes me so happy. Maybe he will actually be able to start school next month.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure if he was that optimistic but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by disagreeing.
He heard his phone beep from his bedroom and ran off towards it, hoping it was a text. Himchan hadn’t texted him since before Jongup had come to visit and he was worried he had finally given up on him.
Daehyun-ah! Have you missed me???
A grin stretched across his face at the question and he typed back a hurried Of course I have, Hyung!
~
I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy doing holiday get togethers and I haven’t been home. What are you doing? Will you send me a picture now?
He laughed as he replied to the oft-repeated question.
You saw me every day for years. I think you remember what I look like.
~
:`( That’s not very nice. I sent you one! You better not have saved it! Delete it if I can’t have one in return!
~
Sorry, already saved it. :p Jongup took lots of pictures of us while he was here. Just steal one of his.
~
WHAT? He did? BRB.
Daehyun waited for a while for Himchan to come back, wondering how he was going to explain to Jongup that he needed his camera. He wasn’t sure if his friend knew that he and Himchan were talking so much to each other and he didn’t want to bring it up. Mainly because he wasn’t sure what was happening either and thought it best to keep it to himself.
A beep had him glancing back at his phone, anxious to see what Himchan would say about the pictures. A part of him was worried that one day Himchan would realize he was nothing, just an insignificant pest and he’d stop talking to him.
Awww my cute little Daehyunnie!!! Hyung has so many pictures of you now!
He blushed and asked him how he got them all off Jongup’s camera without telling him why he needed it.
I told him I needed to borrow it for school and put the memory stick in my computer. ^^ There’s a lot on here!
Daehyun grimaced thinking about what all embarrassing photos Himchan would see of him. Before he could reply back the phone beeped telling him there was another message.
But it would make me happier to have one taken just for me.
His lips curled up into a smile. Even though he hated taking pictures of himself, it was sweet that Himchan wanted one of him. Maybe his looks weren’t as bad as he thought. He glanced at himself in his dresser mirror. Sure he needed braces and maybe getting rid of his glasses wouldn’t hurt, but other than that he realized that he was semi-okay looking. He pulled the glasses off and squinted, trying to see through the blurriness.
Lifting his phone up, he gave it a shy smile and clicked the button. He sent it to Himchan before he lost his nerve and impatiently waited for a reply.
After four long minutes, he finally got one and had to hold back the laugh at the image of his screen.
Himchan had sent him a screen full of keyboard smashes and smiley faces ending with asking him where his glasses were.
I hate my glasses. I want to get contacts.
He got a sad face in response. Himchan telling him he looked cute in glasses made him blush.
“Daehyun? I’ve got dinner ready. Tell Himchan goodbye.” His mother said, shooting him a wink as she leaned her head in his room.
He hurriedly told him goodbye, not sure how his mother knew that was who he was talking to, but suddenly feeling embarrassed.
Goodbye Daehyunnie! Have sweet dreams tonight!
Daehyun smiled, his heart feeling light. Moving here was a good thing, he told himself for the hundredth time. He and Himchan had bonded more in the last couple weeks than they had in the years they had known each other. Knowing the older boy thought about him frequently and missed him was enough to make him feel like bursting.
He actually really missed Himchan, Daehyun realized.
---
“Junhonggie, are you sure you're okay to walk to school with Daehyun? Your brother or I could take you.” Rae-Ha was nervously wringing her hands. Today was Junhong’s first day back at school, the doctor finally signing off and giving him permission to go.
He shook his head. “Daehyun.” He whispered quietly.
It had been about a week since he had started speaking again, but only in short one or two word sentences and only if he absolutely had to. They were all thrilled and thought it meant he was getting better and would soon be back to his normal self.
Daehyun helped him on with his backpack, pulling his coat on to one arm and zipping it up to cover the broken one and they headed up the street, an excited Youngjae waiting for them at the corner.
“Junhonggie!” He grinned, grabbing the younger boy’s hand and swinging it along in his as they walked. “I brought you some candy for after school. You have to promise me you’ll talk in class though, okay? Hyung wants you to make friends.”
“I promise.” Junhong smiled shyly up at him and moved closer.
It was sweet how much he looked up to him, Daehyun thought. He was the only person that Junhong willingly talked to and when he was around Youngjae the blank mask would sometimes slip off of his face and the old Junhong would appear for a few seconds. Sometimes it was hard to see past the now fading bruises and scratches, but he was hopeful that with time Junhong would be back to normal.
They walked the nervous boy to the office and left him with Youngjae giving him one last reassuring squeeze of the hand and promising to find him the second school was out.
Luckily, their school was just a block away so they wouldn’t have to go far to get him. Junhong was still obviously scared to death about being left alone, but Rae-Ha had spoken to the guidance counselor and she had promised to inform all of his teachers about his situation so they would be aware.
But everyone was still worried about him. The two boys were quiet as they headed towards their own school. Youngjae looked the most worried. He had taken it upon himself to be Junhong’s cheerleader, always trying his hardest to make him smile and get him to talk.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” He asked sadly, putting his books in his desk. “I don’t like that he’s going to be surrounded by strangers all day.”
Daehyun smiled. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Mom will probably call the school every hour to check up on him. And he’ll be excited to see you when he gets out.”
Youngjae let out a deep breath and tried to look happy, but he had grown close to the little boy in the last few weeks and he was worried sick.
---
“Hyung!” A shrill voice yelled across the courtyard. Youngjae grinned as the tiny powerhouse slammed into his chest, knocking him backwards into the ground. “Candy!”
Junhong had an actual smile on his face, a real one. He held his hand out and pointed to his mouth.
“Did you talk to people today?” Youngjae asked, pulling the bag out of his pocket.
Nodding, Junhong reached impatiently for the candy.
“Did you make any new friends?”
He froze and slowly shook his head. Youngjae sighed and handed him the candy bag anyway. “But you’ll keep trying won’t you?” He asked gently, helping him to his feet and brushing the snow off his pants.
Junhong ignored him, tearing into the bag with his teeth.
Youngjae realized he wasn’t going to get any more than that and gave up, wrapping his arm around Junhong’s shoulder as they headed back home.
Waiting at the door was a nervous Yongguk, his eyes full of worry as he scanned his brother from head to toe. He still had on his overalls so he must have run straight from the auto shop to meet them.
“Hyung missed you today.” He said happily. “I made sure to schedule my break when I knew you would be coming home. How was school?”
Shrugging, Junhong threw his backpack onto the floor and blinked casually at him.
“Did you make a friend?” He asked hopefully.
He shook his head and pointed to Daehyun and Youngjae. “Friends.” He said quietly.
Yongguk let out a deep breath. “I know they’re your friends, Junhonggie.” His voice trembled a little on his brother’s name. “But I bet you would enjoy having a few friends your own age to play with, too. Someone who could play with you.”
Another shake was his answer, Junhong’s small hand sliding into Youngjae’s. “Best.”
Youngjae grinned proudly and squeezed his fingers. “You’re my best friend too. But shh, don’t tell Daehyunnie!” He winked at him, causing the younger boy to giggle.
Even though Yongguk was glad Youngjae had taken his little brother under his wing and was looking out for him, he would still prefer him to befriend someone in his grade level too.
“Well it was just the first day.” Yongguk said optimistically. “You can try again tomorrow!”
But Daehyun could tell that Junhong had no intention to make friends at his new school. Youngjae was enough for him and even if his brother didn’t like it, Daehyun didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. The little boy had went through a traumatic experience, they should be jumping for joy that he could still trust someone at all.
Junhong looked innocently at Youngjae and pointed to the couch.
“Do you want to watch cartoons together?” The older boy asked caringly, leading him over and wrapping a blanket around him before turning the TV on. “I picked last time so you can choose today.”
Yongguk visibly slumped once he brother was out of eyesight. “I thought he would talk to at least one person.” He mumbled, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes.
“He’s only ten, hyung. He’ll get better.” Daehyun squeezed his shoulder before following the other two boys into the living room and plopping down on the couch next to them.
He could hear his phone going off in his bedroom, but after a moment’s hesitation he decided to leave it. It was just a text asking how his day was. There was no reason to leave the comfort of being with his friend’s to go answer it right away.
“Aren’t you going to get that?” Youngjae frowned. “You know it’s Jongup’s brother.”
He shook his head, settling back in his seat. “I’ll answer him later. I want to stay here with you all.”
It wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that night that he remembered he was supposed to reply, but by then his phone was dead and he was too tired to wait for it to charge.
“I’ll text him back tomorrow.” He promised himself, not caring that he was horrible at remembering things.
---
Two months later
Daehyun could feel the early morning sun shining into his eyes and knew he needed to get up for school, but he was so tired and his bed was so comfortable and soft.
“Hyung?” A quiet voice murmured his name from behind him. He grumbled and waved it away, trying to get back into position. “Daehyun-hyung?”
“Whaddayouwant?” Daehyun pulled the pillow over his face and groaned.
Junhong crawled up onto the bed beside him and rested his cheek on Daehyun’s shoulder. “Was wondering something…”
This must have been something important for Junhong to not only wake him up but to also be speaking several words at a time. He still only spoke when necessary.
“What’s wrong, Junhonggie?” Daehyun rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and turned over to look at him. “Are you okay?”
The scratches and bruising had all disappeared finally and his arm was now in just a wrap-around bandage, but his face would always have the barely visible scars.
He flinched at the sound of his name. “Don’t like my name.” He shook his head and squeezed Daehyun’s shirt between his fists. “They called me that.”
Daehyun wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say about this new information. Junhong still refused to talk about what happened that day and his therapist said not to push him, that he would talk if he was ready.
“I’m sorry.” Daehyun said cautiously. “But Junhong is your name. What do you want to do to make it better?”
Junhong pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket where dozens of different names were written in pencil and scratched out. “New.” He pointed to the name circled on the bottom of the page, the only one that didn’t have thin black lines through it. “Zelo.”
“Zelo.” The unusual name felt weird on his tongue, but it made Junhong smile when he said it. “Did you think of this name yourself?”
“Youngjae-hyung.” Junhong, no Zelo, folded the paper up and shoved it back into his pocket. “Helped.”
Daehyun stretched and yawned, patting his back as he crawled over to get out of bed. “I’ll tell mom and Yongguk, okay? You go back to sleep for a little bit. It’s barely six.”
The other two were already up and getting ready for work. Yongguk's face tightened when he heard the news, but if it made his brother feel better then he was willing to do anything.
“Tell him I’ll try to take a break when he gets out of school today, okay? I’ve been working so many double shifts that I’ve barely had any time to see him lately.”
Everyone could see that Yongguk was still taking what had happened two months ago just as hard as his brother had. He worked every spare second of the day and gave Rae-Ha his entire check even though she pleaded with him to keep some for himself. He only ate enough to survive and slept most nights in just a pair of pajama pants, a thin blanket the only thing to cover him.
Daehyun thought he was trying to make himself as miserable as possible thinking it would make up for what happened, even if it wasn’t really his fault.
“Have you talked to Jongup and Himchan lately?” Yongguk continued, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean, you haven’t mentioned them or anything.”
He narrowed his eyes, still suspicious of him and his best friend. “I talked to Jongup yesterday. His birthday’s next week.” Daehyun had thought about going back to the city and spend his best friend’s birthday with him doing everything they always loved to do together but every time it popped into his head it made his skin crawl. The city would always hold a sour taste for him. “And I don’t really talk to Himchan very much anymore.” After he took a few days to reply back that one time things had gotten uncomfortable between them. Himchan no longer sent him random teasing texts or spent hours wanting to know every little thing he had done during the day.
“I’m sure he misses you.” Yongguk’s smile was kind, but his eyes were still lined with fatigue. “When was the last time you talked to him?”
“Eight days ago.” Daehyun mumbled. “He asked me if I was coming home for Jongup’s birthday and I told him I had to stay here for school. He never replied.”
Yongguk rolled his eyes. He was seventeen, practically a man. This was below him. Everyone could see they were crazy about each other. And who was he to judge age differences?
“Just text him when you get out of school. Tell him you were thinking of him and wanted to say hi.”
He shook his head excitedly. “I have an appointment after school! My mom said that since we don’t have to pay rent anymore that I can get braces. So I have to go to the orthodontist.”
Yongguk knew he was self-conscious over his teeth so he was happy for him. “That’s great, Daehyun-ah! I hope they turn out how you want them. I’ll see you later, okay?”
They waved goodbye as Daehyun went back inside to help his mother fix breakfast. Junhong would be up soon. No, Daehyun mentally slapped himself. He needed to change that.
Zelo would be hungry.
(fourteen)