When We Were Kings (Part Seven: And If You Need Me Now, You Know I Am Here)
Part Six
Pairing: HimUp, HimLo
Rated: PG13
Length: 3.4K
Time will save you,
You don't need to save yourself.
And if you need me now, you know I am here.
- (X)
*It's been a while since I updated this and it might be helpful to reread the last chapter. Or at least the last half. There's a tiny throwaway line in part six that comes back towards the end of this chapter :)*
"I know you can't drink or be around alcohol anymore, but damn, this night is going to be so hard to get through while sober," Junhong cracked his neck before starting the car and carefully pulling away from the church. "Would bathing in it be okay?"
"I wouldn't recommend it," Himchan waited until they were back on the road before relaxing into his seat. "It would probably burn a rash into all of your crevices."
Junhong turned into the nearest fast food restaurant and chuckled. "I happen to like my crevices the way they are, thank you." His phone beeped and he quickly tapped out a reply before opening his door. "Daehyun wants to know why we aren't following. I told him we were having a quickie in the bathroom and to save us a seat."
"He's going to tell everyone that."
"Nah," Junhong met him at the back of the car and grinned cheekily. "He knows I'm only playing. You hungry?"
He wasn't. Not after that salad from lunch that made his stomach turn for hours.
"You really need to eat something," Junhong told him gently, opening the door for him. "You did great at the wedding. Just a few more hours to go and I don't want you to pass out from hunger on me just because you're too nervous to eat."
After forcing down a cup of yogurt and a small soda he felt a little better and happily followed Junhong back to the car to start heading towards the reception.
"What time are we planning on leaving tonight?" His mom had rented them a hotel room not far from the reception and Himchan was already daydreaming about crawling into the king-sized bed and not getting up until the sun was high in the sky tomorrow. "Or you can take me to the hotel and then come back and stay later. At least that way you can have some fun and not be stuck with me."
"But I like being stuck with you," Junhong poked him in the cheek and grinned. “You get all red and twitchy when I make fun of you. Plus I owe you one. Or ten. Or a million. You’re the only reason I finally pushed hard enough to find out what was wrong with me and look at me now, happy and sad all at the same time.” His nose wrinkled in annoyance. “You would think being bipolar is something they would have diagnosed a lot earlier.”
He wished there was a way to let Junhong know how much he appreciated everything he had done for him over the years. For the longest time he was Himchan’s only link to his former life even when he had done nothing to deserve it.
“I know I’ve told you before but I meant it. I think I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you.”
Junhong’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and it took him a few moments to respond to Himchan’s blunt confession.
“I think you would be too,” Junhong finally murmured back. “Is it horrible to say that I liked how much you depended on me?”
“What do you mean?”
He chewed on his lower lip as he carefully pulled the car back into the heavy traffic. “I’m the only one you still accepted in your life when you ran away. I was the only person you trusted enough to see you at your worst. And the others always treated me like royalty when I came back from seeing you. They hung on every word I said. I liked it. And then when you punched me and I realized I wasn’t helping you at all, I tried really hard to work at being a better friend.”
Himchan’s yogurt and sugary soda were not making friends in his stomach the closer they drew to the reception hall. He could see the sign for the hall down the street and he knew this was it, no more hiding. He was going to have to see and speak to Jongup again after all this time.
“It’s not horrible,” He patted Junhong’s thigh and gave him a tiny smile. “You made me feel like I had one foot in my new life and one still in the old. It was comforting. And you brought me food. I would let anyone inside my house if they brought food.”
Junhong parked the car and held the keys in his hand, not moving to open the door while he stared at Himchan.
“I never knew how to ask. It’s something they all wondered about and wanted to know but I couldn’t do it, no matter how bad you looked, I couldn’t ask you.”
“What are you talking about?” Himchan’s head was starting to hurt. Ten minutes, five minutes, one minute, he was running out of time before everything came down to the wire. “Ask me what?”
“Did you,” Junhong’s eyes darted nervously towards the reception hall. “Did you ever do anything? For more drugs?”
Himchan threw his head back and laughed loudly, startling Junhong. “I keep telling you. I was addicted to over the counter pain meds. Not meth or cocaine or anything like that. I had a dealer that I usually met once a week at the bus stop. No muss no fuss. They were expensive but I budgeted.”
“You…” Junhong blinked at him. “Budgeted…”
“I knew how much my rent would be, my groceries, and my alcohol. The rest was saved for the pills. I was a very smart drug addict, Junhong. I could write a How To book and make millions.”
“I hate how easygoing you are about all of that,” Junhong’s lip snarled and reached for the door handle. “You shouldn’t talk about taking drugs the same way you would talk about paying your electric bill. It’s weird.”
Himchan leaned onto the top of the car and grinned. “Would you rather I tell you I gave blow jobs for Vicodin? Bent over for morphine?”
“I hate you so much.”
He teasingly used his hands to mime sexual positions towards Junhong, laughing at the groan he earned.
“If he’s doing that, the quickie in the bathroom must not have been any good. Not that I had much confidence in Junhong anyway,” Daehyun spoke up from behind him. Himchan turned around to see him smiling nervously at him. “Hi. Again.” He swallowed and Himchan could see his hands clenching and unclenching in his suit pockets. “Youngjae said that I am an embarrassment and that he hopes you kick me and not to come within three feet of you.”
The strained grin was not Daehyun and Himchan didn’t like the way it looked on him. As annoying as he always was, Himchan loved how he was always laughing and trying to make jokes. It kept the stressful years in the band a little easier to handle.
“Just don’t jump on me,” He warned, spreading his arms out. “I’m not as big as I used to be.”
Daehyun’s eyes brightened and he looked towards Junhong for permission. At the amused nod he took a tentative step forward before jumping towards Himchan anyway.
Himchan had figured that would happen so he was already braced against the car, Daehyun hitting him with a bark of the familiar laughter he had come to miss.
“No matter what happened,” Daehyun choked out against his chest, “Nothing you did would ever make us turn our backs on you.” He lifted his head and wiped at the wetness in the corner of his eyes. “We were angry that night and we needed some space, but Jesus Himchan, we never wanted you to abandon us.”
“I’m sorry,” He pulled Daehyun in again because one more tight hug before he went inside wouldn’t hurt. “But I’m trying to be better.”
“Good. And if you mess up again, don’t think we all won’t be there to help you get back up.” However long Daehyun had attended therapy had matured him, Himchan thought. “Have you talked to Youngjae or Jongup yet? I know Yongguk got to go see you in rehab,” He shot a dirty look over his shoulder at Junhong. “And I didn’t.”
Junhong held the door to the hall open and tripped Daehyun as he sauntered past, still clinging to Himchan’s waist. “Because you’re annoying and no one likes you.”
“You love me,” Daehyun stuck his tongue out and pushed him away when he tried to grab Himchan’s hand. “I’ve got this. Your help is no longer needed. Come on, Yongguk saved you a seat.”
He blindly let Daehyun lead him across the packed room, stopping to smile faintly at anyone who said hello to him.
“Thank God you’re here,” Yongguk draped an arm over his shoulder and sighed when he sat down next to him. “If Jongup asks me one more time where you are I’m going to strangle him.”
He chanced a glance around the table where Daehyun had placed them and breathed in relief when Jongup wasn’t nearby.
“I think Junhong is talking to him,” Daehyun piped up helpfully from behind him. He squeezed Himchan’s shoulder one last time. “I have to sit with Youngjae at the wedding table. He said if I didn’t spend at least one hour there he was taking back my best man present. I’ll be back in thirty-eight minutes and twenty-four seconds.”
Yongguk snorted. “I miss that idiot sometimes.” He cleared his throat and casually looked around to make sure no one was listening. “He doesn’t know about you and Jongup?”
“No,” Himchan could see Junhong’s shoulder through the crowd and knew that beside him would be Jongup so he quickly turned back to his tablemate. “Just you and Junhong.”
There was silence as Yongguk tapped impatiently on the back of his chair. “I always wondered about you two. You both looked at each other like the sun shone out of your asses. But Jongup never acted like he was into boys so I just figured it was one-sided.” He frowned. “I’m sorry. I was the leader and I should have taken better care of you.”
He patted the heavy hand over his shoulder and smiled. “I’m not mad, Guk. I did a good job of hiding a lot of things back then. Jongup was just the one that hurt the most.”
“Okay so I’ve got Jongup promising to stay away until after the meal is served. I know you won’t eat anything since you’ve turned into a bird, but I’m still starving and I need a full stomach to referee you two.” Junhong slid into the empty seat on his other side and grabbed for the bowl of mints in the middle of the table. “This place has offices down the hallway and I had Yongguk scope them out before we came to make sure they were unlocked. The second you start to look out of control I’m pulling you out. Got it?” He pointed a stern finger at Himchan until he nodded obediently.
“Have you been planning this out?” Himchan asked, trying to tease him to take away from the butterflies doing their hardest to burst out of his stomach.
“Only for a few days,” Junhong admitted. “The website for the hall had a lot of pictures. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a plan of attack.”
Himchan distractedly ate the mint Junhong held out to him. “Is she pretty? His fiancé?”
“Yes,” Junhong winced. “She’s one of his students.” He reached for Himchan’s hand and squeezed it. “But honestly none of us like her. I don’t even know how Jongup can stand to be in the same room as her.”
That made him surprisingly sad. Jongup deserved someone who was as angelic as he was.
“Haven’t you looked over there yet?” Yongguk leaned forward so he could be in their conversation. “They’re like three tables away from us.” He lifted his head and chuckled. “And Jongup looks madder and madder every time I look at him.”
“I’m scared if I look at him for too long that I’ll need a drink,” Himchan admitted. “A big one.”
They were silent as they watched Youngjae and his new bride cut the wedding cake. It ended with cake in his hair and Daehyun cackling as he tried to take a photo.
“Twenty more minutes,” He mouthed to them when he passed their table. “And fifteen seconds.”
“Jongup’s going to the bathroom,” Yongguk informed them. “So if you want a peek at her you better do it quick.”
First he wanted another peek at Jongup. He found him easily slipping through the crowd. Himchan was able to see him better than in the church where he was panicked and about to have a nervous breakdown. Now he had time to appreciate the way his gray suit clung to him and how his shoulders were bunched up tight with nerves. Himchan ignored the slaps to his arm as his gaze followed Jongup through the building and into the bathroom in the corner.
“If you would take two seconds to stop eye-groping Jongup that would be super great,” Junhong whispered loudly into his ear.
“What?” He blinked as Junhong motioned beside him impatiently. When he lifted his head all he could do was grin as Youngjae draped himself across him and squeezed him tightly. “Geez Jae, all this work to see me again. You could have just called, you know.”
Youngjae only pressed him in tighter. “If I had known all it would take was a twenty-thousand-dollar wedding I would have proposed to her a year ago,” He pulled away and looked Himchan over, the same sweeping glance everyone had been giving him. As if you could see the problems painted all over his body. “You look good, Himchan. After all of this is over I’d like it if the six of us spent some time together. It’s been hard being apart.”
“Sure,” Himchan wasn’t sure if he could do that yet but he would try. “I’d like that, Jae.”
Daehyun popped up over Youngjae’s shoulder and slapped him on the back. “Can my time be up yet? Please? Can I stay with Himchan’s table?”
“Whatever,” Youngjae sighed and pushed him towards the table. “Gets you out of my hair at least,” They heard him mumble as he ambled back towards his own seat.
With a frown Daehyun looked the seating arrangement over. The only free seats were all the way across the round table and he would have to yell to be heard. He reached for Himchan with a grin and pointed at his lap.
“God no,” Junhong grabbed his arm and pulled him into his own lap. “Give him some space, Dae. You’re such a creep sometimes.”
The smaller boy didn’t even pay attention to the insult as he leaned towards Himchan and gently stroked his hair, eyes glued to every movement of his face. “You’re even more better looking than you were in the band. How is that possible?” He turned to Junhong and dropped his shoulders. “Do I still look as good as I did back then?”
The expected insult was obviously on the tip of Junhong’s tongue. His eyes sparkled mischievously and the corner of his lips started to pull up in a devilish grin but the innocent look on Daehyun’s face stopped him.
“Of course you do, Daehyunnie.” His hands smoothed across the bony hips on his lap. “Ten times better even. I always thought you should have been the visual instead of Himchan.”
“Hey!” It was okay to soothe Daehyun’s fragile ego but to question the validity of the visual choosing was just mean. “I’m sitting right here!”
A plate of food was placed in front of him before he could think of a good, but friendly, insult for the two boys next to him. His stomach growled at the sight of the grilled chicken and before he realized what he was doing he had already eaten his entire plate, groaning when he was finally full and sitting back in his seat.
“You needed that,” Junhong observed with a proud smile. He placed his chicken onto Himchan’s empty plate and motioned him to eat it, too. “I kept telling you being around us would make you feel better. I haven’t seen you eat like that since I used to cook for you at your apartment.”
He shrugged, embarrassment reddening his neck, “You’ll be singing a different tune when I throw up all over you in bed tonight.”
Junhong’s phone beeped and he closed his eyes before turning the phone towards him.
Dinner’s over. Bring Himchan. Now.
It wasn’t so much the words that made Himchan’s heart pound. It was the ID picture attached to the text, the image of Jongup the way he remembered him. Styled hair, ear-splitting grin, and eyes that could tear a hole inside his heart with just one look.
“That’s an old picture from the band,” He questioned Junhong.
“He isn’t really into pictures anymore,” Junhong explained. “This is probably the last picture I have of him smiling like that. I told you, we’re not really great friends anymore.” He tried to keep his tone casual because Daehyun was there but Himchan could see the hurt in his expression as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.
“I’ll be right back,” He tried to tell Daehyun cheerfully, patting his leg and climbing out from under him. “You keep Guk company. Don’t let him fall asleep.”
They looked over and laughed at Yongguk’s head on his fist, eyes drooping closed.
“Where are you going?” Daehyun had a tight grip on Junhong’s wrist and refused to let go. “Can I come?”
Junhong gently pried his fingers off and smiled down at him. “It’s just something Himchan has to do before he leaves. Don’t worry,” His fingers slipped through Daehyun’s overly gelled hair. “Your hair feels like a helmet.”
“At least my hair isn’t halfway to my neck you hippy,” Daehyun retorted, tugging on a thick strand hanging in his face. “You look more and more like a sheepdog every day.”
“Wait,” Himchan’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open before Junhong could grab his arm and start to drag him away. “No, stop, what did he say? Junhong,” He hissed at the sharp pinch to his stomach. “Are you kidding me?”
The hand over his mouth shut him up until they reached the empty hallway and Junhong finally let him go.
“It’s not a big deal,” He tried to sound nonchalant but his stiff posture betrayed him. “It’s only been a few months.”
“How many months?”
Junhong winced and held up seven fingers.
“Oh my god,” Himchan covered his eyes with his palms and pressed until he saw sparks. “Does anyone else know? Are you sleeping with him?”
“No, you’re the only person besides my parents who know and what the hell do you think? You know how Daehyun is, he tried to put his hand down my pants on our first date.”
Himchan didn’t think he could handle any more shocks to his system today.
“Don’t worry about what I’m doing and concentrate on you,” Junhong pointed to the closed door at the end of the hall. “Jongup’s waiting.”
He had almost forgotten the entire reason for coming here today, Junhong’s news had surprised him so much, but now that he was reminded of it the butterflies came back in full force and threatened to overwhelm him.
“What if he hates me?” He whispered as they stood in front of the door. “Junhong, I couldn’t handle that.”
“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” Junhong replied calmly. “Even if he’s furious with you, just remember that it’s only because he used to love you.”
Used to, the words were tiny but stabbed him in the chest anyways.
The doorknob was cold under his hand and he turned it as slowly as possible to give himself time to do his breathing exercises. In for four seconds, out for four seconds.
The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a lamp on the desk, and it took Himchan a few blinks to bring everything into focus.
And there was Jongup. Leaning against the desk with his arms crossed and his expression guarded. Eyes narrowed and lips pursed as if he was holding himself back from something.
Jongup who could still make his entire body thrum with just one word.
“Himchannie.”
His body reacted without thinking, the knowledge that he was right in front of him, his favorite, always his favorite, was too much.
He took a step towards him.
Part Eight
Pairing: HimUp, HimLo
Rated: PG13
Length: 3.4K
Time will save you,
You don't need to save yourself.
And if you need me now, you know I am here.
- (X)
*It's been a while since I updated this and it might be helpful to reread the last chapter. Or at least the last half. There's a tiny throwaway line in part six that comes back towards the end of this chapter :)*
"I know you can't drink or be around alcohol anymore, but damn, this night is going to be so hard to get through while sober," Junhong cracked his neck before starting the car and carefully pulling away from the church. "Would bathing in it be okay?"
"I wouldn't recommend it," Himchan waited until they were back on the road before relaxing into his seat. "It would probably burn a rash into all of your crevices."
Junhong turned into the nearest fast food restaurant and chuckled. "I happen to like my crevices the way they are, thank you." His phone beeped and he quickly tapped out a reply before opening his door. "Daehyun wants to know why we aren't following. I told him we were having a quickie in the bathroom and to save us a seat."
"He's going to tell everyone that."
"Nah," Junhong met him at the back of the car and grinned cheekily. "He knows I'm only playing. You hungry?"
He wasn't. Not after that salad from lunch that made his stomach turn for hours.
"You really need to eat something," Junhong told him gently, opening the door for him. "You did great at the wedding. Just a few more hours to go and I don't want you to pass out from hunger on me just because you're too nervous to eat."
After forcing down a cup of yogurt and a small soda he felt a little better and happily followed Junhong back to the car to start heading towards the reception.
"What time are we planning on leaving tonight?" His mom had rented them a hotel room not far from the reception and Himchan was already daydreaming about crawling into the king-sized bed and not getting up until the sun was high in the sky tomorrow. "Or you can take me to the hotel and then come back and stay later. At least that way you can have some fun and not be stuck with me."
"But I like being stuck with you," Junhong poked him in the cheek and grinned. “You get all red and twitchy when I make fun of you. Plus I owe you one. Or ten. Or a million. You’re the only reason I finally pushed hard enough to find out what was wrong with me and look at me now, happy and sad all at the same time.” His nose wrinkled in annoyance. “You would think being bipolar is something they would have diagnosed a lot earlier.”
He wished there was a way to let Junhong know how much he appreciated everything he had done for him over the years. For the longest time he was Himchan’s only link to his former life even when he had done nothing to deserve it.
“I know I’ve told you before but I meant it. I think I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you.”
Junhong’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and it took him a few moments to respond to Himchan’s blunt confession.
“I think you would be too,” Junhong finally murmured back. “Is it horrible to say that I liked how much you depended on me?”
“What do you mean?”
He chewed on his lower lip as he carefully pulled the car back into the heavy traffic. “I’m the only one you still accepted in your life when you ran away. I was the only person you trusted enough to see you at your worst. And the others always treated me like royalty when I came back from seeing you. They hung on every word I said. I liked it. And then when you punched me and I realized I wasn’t helping you at all, I tried really hard to work at being a better friend.”
Himchan’s yogurt and sugary soda were not making friends in his stomach the closer they drew to the reception hall. He could see the sign for the hall down the street and he knew this was it, no more hiding. He was going to have to see and speak to Jongup again after all this time.
“It’s not horrible,” He patted Junhong’s thigh and gave him a tiny smile. “You made me feel like I had one foot in my new life and one still in the old. It was comforting. And you brought me food. I would let anyone inside my house if they brought food.”
Junhong parked the car and held the keys in his hand, not moving to open the door while he stared at Himchan.
“I never knew how to ask. It’s something they all wondered about and wanted to know but I couldn’t do it, no matter how bad you looked, I couldn’t ask you.”
“What are you talking about?” Himchan’s head was starting to hurt. Ten minutes, five minutes, one minute, he was running out of time before everything came down to the wire. “Ask me what?”
“Did you,” Junhong’s eyes darted nervously towards the reception hall. “Did you ever do anything? For more drugs?”
Himchan threw his head back and laughed loudly, startling Junhong. “I keep telling you. I was addicted to over the counter pain meds. Not meth or cocaine or anything like that. I had a dealer that I usually met once a week at the bus stop. No muss no fuss. They were expensive but I budgeted.”
“You…” Junhong blinked at him. “Budgeted…”
“I knew how much my rent would be, my groceries, and my alcohol. The rest was saved for the pills. I was a very smart drug addict, Junhong. I could write a How To book and make millions.”
“I hate how easygoing you are about all of that,” Junhong’s lip snarled and reached for the door handle. “You shouldn’t talk about taking drugs the same way you would talk about paying your electric bill. It’s weird.”
Himchan leaned onto the top of the car and grinned. “Would you rather I tell you I gave blow jobs for Vicodin? Bent over for morphine?”
“I hate you so much.”
He teasingly used his hands to mime sexual positions towards Junhong, laughing at the groan he earned.
“If he’s doing that, the quickie in the bathroom must not have been any good. Not that I had much confidence in Junhong anyway,” Daehyun spoke up from behind him. Himchan turned around to see him smiling nervously at him. “Hi. Again.” He swallowed and Himchan could see his hands clenching and unclenching in his suit pockets. “Youngjae said that I am an embarrassment and that he hopes you kick me and not to come within three feet of you.”
The strained grin was not Daehyun and Himchan didn’t like the way it looked on him. As annoying as he always was, Himchan loved how he was always laughing and trying to make jokes. It kept the stressful years in the band a little easier to handle.
“Just don’t jump on me,” He warned, spreading his arms out. “I’m not as big as I used to be.”
Daehyun’s eyes brightened and he looked towards Junhong for permission. At the amused nod he took a tentative step forward before jumping towards Himchan anyway.
Himchan had figured that would happen so he was already braced against the car, Daehyun hitting him with a bark of the familiar laughter he had come to miss.
“No matter what happened,” Daehyun choked out against his chest, “Nothing you did would ever make us turn our backs on you.” He lifted his head and wiped at the wetness in the corner of his eyes. “We were angry that night and we needed some space, but Jesus Himchan, we never wanted you to abandon us.”
“I’m sorry,” He pulled Daehyun in again because one more tight hug before he went inside wouldn’t hurt. “But I’m trying to be better.”
“Good. And if you mess up again, don’t think we all won’t be there to help you get back up.” However long Daehyun had attended therapy had matured him, Himchan thought. “Have you talked to Youngjae or Jongup yet? I know Yongguk got to go see you in rehab,” He shot a dirty look over his shoulder at Junhong. “And I didn’t.”
Junhong held the door to the hall open and tripped Daehyun as he sauntered past, still clinging to Himchan’s waist. “Because you’re annoying and no one likes you.”
“You love me,” Daehyun stuck his tongue out and pushed him away when he tried to grab Himchan’s hand. “I’ve got this. Your help is no longer needed. Come on, Yongguk saved you a seat.”
He blindly let Daehyun lead him across the packed room, stopping to smile faintly at anyone who said hello to him.
“Thank God you’re here,” Yongguk draped an arm over his shoulder and sighed when he sat down next to him. “If Jongup asks me one more time where you are I’m going to strangle him.”
He chanced a glance around the table where Daehyun had placed them and breathed in relief when Jongup wasn’t nearby.
“I think Junhong is talking to him,” Daehyun piped up helpfully from behind him. He squeezed Himchan’s shoulder one last time. “I have to sit with Youngjae at the wedding table. He said if I didn’t spend at least one hour there he was taking back my best man present. I’ll be back in thirty-eight minutes and twenty-four seconds.”
Yongguk snorted. “I miss that idiot sometimes.” He cleared his throat and casually looked around to make sure no one was listening. “He doesn’t know about you and Jongup?”
“No,” Himchan could see Junhong’s shoulder through the crowd and knew that beside him would be Jongup so he quickly turned back to his tablemate. “Just you and Junhong.”
There was silence as Yongguk tapped impatiently on the back of his chair. “I always wondered about you two. You both looked at each other like the sun shone out of your asses. But Jongup never acted like he was into boys so I just figured it was one-sided.” He frowned. “I’m sorry. I was the leader and I should have taken better care of you.”
He patted the heavy hand over his shoulder and smiled. “I’m not mad, Guk. I did a good job of hiding a lot of things back then. Jongup was just the one that hurt the most.”
“Okay so I’ve got Jongup promising to stay away until after the meal is served. I know you won’t eat anything since you’ve turned into a bird, but I’m still starving and I need a full stomach to referee you two.” Junhong slid into the empty seat on his other side and grabbed for the bowl of mints in the middle of the table. “This place has offices down the hallway and I had Yongguk scope them out before we came to make sure they were unlocked. The second you start to look out of control I’m pulling you out. Got it?” He pointed a stern finger at Himchan until he nodded obediently.
“Have you been planning this out?” Himchan asked, trying to tease him to take away from the butterflies doing their hardest to burst out of his stomach.
“Only for a few days,” Junhong admitted. “The website for the hall had a lot of pictures. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a plan of attack.”
Himchan distractedly ate the mint Junhong held out to him. “Is she pretty? His fiancé?”
“Yes,” Junhong winced. “She’s one of his students.” He reached for Himchan’s hand and squeezed it. “But honestly none of us like her. I don’t even know how Jongup can stand to be in the same room as her.”
That made him surprisingly sad. Jongup deserved someone who was as angelic as he was.
“Haven’t you looked over there yet?” Yongguk leaned forward so he could be in their conversation. “They’re like three tables away from us.” He lifted his head and chuckled. “And Jongup looks madder and madder every time I look at him.”
“I’m scared if I look at him for too long that I’ll need a drink,” Himchan admitted. “A big one.”
They were silent as they watched Youngjae and his new bride cut the wedding cake. It ended with cake in his hair and Daehyun cackling as he tried to take a photo.
“Twenty more minutes,” He mouthed to them when he passed their table. “And fifteen seconds.”
“Jongup’s going to the bathroom,” Yongguk informed them. “So if you want a peek at her you better do it quick.”
First he wanted another peek at Jongup. He found him easily slipping through the crowd. Himchan was able to see him better than in the church where he was panicked and about to have a nervous breakdown. Now he had time to appreciate the way his gray suit clung to him and how his shoulders were bunched up tight with nerves. Himchan ignored the slaps to his arm as his gaze followed Jongup through the building and into the bathroom in the corner.
“If you would take two seconds to stop eye-groping Jongup that would be super great,” Junhong whispered loudly into his ear.
“What?” He blinked as Junhong motioned beside him impatiently. When he lifted his head all he could do was grin as Youngjae draped himself across him and squeezed him tightly. “Geez Jae, all this work to see me again. You could have just called, you know.”
Youngjae only pressed him in tighter. “If I had known all it would take was a twenty-thousand-dollar wedding I would have proposed to her a year ago,” He pulled away and looked Himchan over, the same sweeping glance everyone had been giving him. As if you could see the problems painted all over his body. “You look good, Himchan. After all of this is over I’d like it if the six of us spent some time together. It’s been hard being apart.”
“Sure,” Himchan wasn’t sure if he could do that yet but he would try. “I’d like that, Jae.”
Daehyun popped up over Youngjae’s shoulder and slapped him on the back. “Can my time be up yet? Please? Can I stay with Himchan’s table?”
“Whatever,” Youngjae sighed and pushed him towards the table. “Gets you out of my hair at least,” They heard him mumble as he ambled back towards his own seat.
With a frown Daehyun looked the seating arrangement over. The only free seats were all the way across the round table and he would have to yell to be heard. He reached for Himchan with a grin and pointed at his lap.
“God no,” Junhong grabbed his arm and pulled him into his own lap. “Give him some space, Dae. You’re such a creep sometimes.”
The smaller boy didn’t even pay attention to the insult as he leaned towards Himchan and gently stroked his hair, eyes glued to every movement of his face. “You’re even more better looking than you were in the band. How is that possible?” He turned to Junhong and dropped his shoulders. “Do I still look as good as I did back then?”
The expected insult was obviously on the tip of Junhong’s tongue. His eyes sparkled mischievously and the corner of his lips started to pull up in a devilish grin but the innocent look on Daehyun’s face stopped him.
“Of course you do, Daehyunnie.” His hands smoothed across the bony hips on his lap. “Ten times better even. I always thought you should have been the visual instead of Himchan.”
“Hey!” It was okay to soothe Daehyun’s fragile ego but to question the validity of the visual choosing was just mean. “I’m sitting right here!”
A plate of food was placed in front of him before he could think of a good, but friendly, insult for the two boys next to him. His stomach growled at the sight of the grilled chicken and before he realized what he was doing he had already eaten his entire plate, groaning when he was finally full and sitting back in his seat.
“You needed that,” Junhong observed with a proud smile. He placed his chicken onto Himchan’s empty plate and motioned him to eat it, too. “I kept telling you being around us would make you feel better. I haven’t seen you eat like that since I used to cook for you at your apartment.”
He shrugged, embarrassment reddening his neck, “You’ll be singing a different tune when I throw up all over you in bed tonight.”
Junhong’s phone beeped and he closed his eyes before turning the phone towards him.
Dinner’s over. Bring Himchan. Now.
It wasn’t so much the words that made Himchan’s heart pound. It was the ID picture attached to the text, the image of Jongup the way he remembered him. Styled hair, ear-splitting grin, and eyes that could tear a hole inside his heart with just one look.
“That’s an old picture from the band,” He questioned Junhong.
“He isn’t really into pictures anymore,” Junhong explained. “This is probably the last picture I have of him smiling like that. I told you, we’re not really great friends anymore.” He tried to keep his tone casual because Daehyun was there but Himchan could see the hurt in his expression as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.
“I’ll be right back,” He tried to tell Daehyun cheerfully, patting his leg and climbing out from under him. “You keep Guk company. Don’t let him fall asleep.”
They looked over and laughed at Yongguk’s head on his fist, eyes drooping closed.
“Where are you going?” Daehyun had a tight grip on Junhong’s wrist and refused to let go. “Can I come?”
Junhong gently pried his fingers off and smiled down at him. “It’s just something Himchan has to do before he leaves. Don’t worry,” His fingers slipped through Daehyun’s overly gelled hair. “Your hair feels like a helmet.”
“At least my hair isn’t halfway to my neck you hippy,” Daehyun retorted, tugging on a thick strand hanging in his face. “You look more and more like a sheepdog every day.”
“Wait,” Himchan’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open before Junhong could grab his arm and start to drag him away. “No, stop, what did he say? Junhong,” He hissed at the sharp pinch to his stomach. “Are you kidding me?”
The hand over his mouth shut him up until they reached the empty hallway and Junhong finally let him go.
“It’s not a big deal,” He tried to sound nonchalant but his stiff posture betrayed him. “It’s only been a few months.”
“How many months?”
Junhong winced and held up seven fingers.
“Oh my god,” Himchan covered his eyes with his palms and pressed until he saw sparks. “Does anyone else know? Are you sleeping with him?”
“No, you’re the only person besides my parents who know and what the hell do you think? You know how Daehyun is, he tried to put his hand down my pants on our first date.”
Himchan didn’t think he could handle any more shocks to his system today.
“Don’t worry about what I’m doing and concentrate on you,” Junhong pointed to the closed door at the end of the hall. “Jongup’s waiting.”
He had almost forgotten the entire reason for coming here today, Junhong’s news had surprised him so much, but now that he was reminded of it the butterflies came back in full force and threatened to overwhelm him.
“What if he hates me?” He whispered as they stood in front of the door. “Junhong, I couldn’t handle that.”
“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” Junhong replied calmly. “Even if he’s furious with you, just remember that it’s only because he used to love you.”
Used to, the words were tiny but stabbed him in the chest anyways.
The doorknob was cold under his hand and he turned it as slowly as possible to give himself time to do his breathing exercises. In for four seconds, out for four seconds.
The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a lamp on the desk, and it took Himchan a few blinks to bring everything into focus.
And there was Jongup. Leaning against the desk with his arms crossed and his expression guarded. Eyes narrowed and lips pursed as if he was holding himself back from something.
Jongup who could still make his entire body thrum with just one word.
“Himchannie.”
His body reacted without thinking, the knowledge that he was right in front of him, his favorite, always his favorite, was too much.
He took a step towards him.
Part Eight