It's hard to understand what being productive even means some days.  Some days it's enough to make dinner and get most of the dishes done.  I've already forgotten that I went for a run today and that is something to be happy about.  I'm very well trained to forget much of the positive.  I have another date Monday.  She seems excited so I will be ( Read more... )

I've met someone new.  I didn't know what to think when we first met.  You seemed to keep your distance from me.  You thought I still had the family I had lost.  I'm interested.  I'm already feeling imposter syndrome.  Not good enough.  Already wanting to call and text you all the time.  When we finally were able to connect you said that you are ( Read more... )

I was trying hard yesterday to put my thoughts across.  The power of words that people don't realize.  We can be forced into recognizing this that we would have normally ignored.  Sometime someone coined the term resting bitch face.  We have been introduced to a concept and we look for places to put it.  Whatever initial meaning is gone and we are ( Read more... )

Decided at some point in this last week to leave myself a mental reminder.  It was to listen to an old album.  One I haven't listened to in probably a decade.  Put me right back into the mindset to journal a bit.  The music fell into that old idea of poking at a healing wound, not being able to leave well enough alone. Listening did it's job and I ( Read more... )

i am updating a journal! so maybe they won't somehow delete it or use it to advertise real estate. okay, updates in general, starting from the furthest in the past ( Read more... )

i can't face up to yin and yang and it's the first time in a long time. proabably about a year. I don't understand what fuels anyone unless they are the same things that fuel me. I always have to look at things in terms of facts and figures. I have to ask questions and get to the root of things but when feelings are invovled I have a hard time ( Read more... )

i just finished connecting with a new book. it is the book that inspired the song killing an arab by the cure. i liked it a lot. i finished it at work. work has become the most taxing chore of all time. I do nothing all day and i have to be on my feet and I can't read all that much. I deal with it though. It just means I have to start ( Read more... )

they are all long days and suprisingly the also lead into long nights.

(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK ( Read more... )

it consumes me and it's hard not to laugh at it. what more could i ever want than to be filled with rage froever. I am never more at pleasure gesticulating and screaming, in my own little world of fervor. I am sick of bleeding hearts and wrought emotions. I thikn it's what holds us back and we are returning to it. Nobody knows what romance ( Read more... )