this is where i lived and how. red ( Read more... )

she gave me two to calm my nerves. all my limbs are heavy and soft; they feel like someone else's meat. my eyes sometimes close to blink and stay rested on the bottom lid for a second or two, as tho ready to sleep. all the worries of the world are happening to someone else ( Read more... )

i am at my mother's, in a box room she calls her office. the walls are decked out with photos thru the ages; my brothers at 5 and 11, 18months old, sitting in the sink, hair wet, and sucking on beakers. me at 15, a raggedy indie haircut, cut with blunt scissors i found in a drawer - skinny and insolent, i look like a lesbian. looking at him, i see ( Read more... )

A quick note here to myself that i intend to write here again and often. i moved to wimbledon last week and ought soon to be getting a connection there. for some reason i needed to keep my words for my serious writing all last year, but now i am ready to spill out in public once more. since this is a net cafe and the sun is out, i'll keep it brief ( Read more... )

when i was 16, with albert camus as my god, i had a set poetic idea about what it meant to be creative. above all i thought it would be social or else romantically anti-social.  didn't creative types flounce around with one another in chic clothes, discussing heidegger between shots of absinthe? wouldn't sartre sit in the corner of a coffee shop on ( Read more... )

these are the days i find most infuriating - when the sun shines teasingly thru miniscule tears in the thick grey sky - as tho to gloat: i'm here but you shaln't have me. like some slag with her sewn-up fanny out. so then everything under that sky boils beneath, suffocates and sweats; and each breath tastes second hand and filthy like it came from ( Read more... )

Sour from my bed, I drag my white body

down the stairs and then hang it

like laundry on the chair that waits

like a cat beside my front door - too

close to the wall for Google Earth to see.

And yes she did hum, for down here

she sings opera. ‘A proper Madam Callas,

I’m sure,’ say the beat-boxing bubbles in my

echoing belly, groaning ( Read more... )

we had argued that morning about cleaning ( Read more... )

1. Where is your cell phone?
field

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
breenbag

3. Your hair?
everywhere

4. Your mother?
obese

5. Your father?
thickfingered

6. Your favorite thing?
solitude

7. Your dream last night?
teardrop

8. Your favorite drink?
spunk

9.Your dream car?
teleporter

10. The room you're in?
bombsite

11. Your ex?
gumdisease

12. Your fears?
migraines

13. Where do ( Read more... )

once a month i cash my housing benefit cheques at a tiny post office 10 minutes from my flat, which has somehow survived the close-down holocaust. it's the size of a broom-cupboard; space just enough for me and the tumbleweed passing through...4 people in there would be a queue out the door. but notice i have to imagine them - there's never such a ( Read more... )