Yagami Haru: Adventures in Solitude ~ Part 2/10
My fics are getting less and less community appropriate. There's not a single canon character in this thing. XDD I might x-post it later anyway for the sake of the followers who aren't on my flist. But yeah.
Title: "We Don't Need No Education"
Characters: Haru and his high school classmates
Rating: PG-13 for drug use and references to sex, both wanted and unwanted
Words: 2900
Summary: Sequel to " So I Guess This Is Growing Up." If you're wondering what Haru's classmates think of him, just how bad his Ritalin addiction is, the fate of the man who violated him, and the next color he plans to dye his hair, look no further.
“You’ll never guess who I‘m thinking of asking to the dance.”
“Who?”
“Yagami Haru!”
“No way! Really? ”
“I think he’s really cute.”
“Me tooooo!”
“Ew, no! He’s so scary…with like, the all black and the chains and stuff. He’s like…gothic or something.”
“I kind of like it…”
“I think he’s into drugs. I heard he’s tried cocaine.”
“During lunch he never goes to the cafeteria, he just disappears. Maybe he’s anorexic.”
“He’s not anorexic. I saw him eat a whole cheesecake in one sitting.”
“Get out.”
“I love cheesecake!”
“Did you know he’s in Senior Calculus?”
“What? But he’s in our year!”
“He must be a genius!”
“Yeah. My older brother’s in that class. He says Yagami-kun never even turns in his homework and still aces all the tests.”
“He’s supposed to be in my English class too, but he only shows up about once a week, and his English is practically perfect.”
“He’s soooo smart! And soooo cute too! I love his hair.”
“Is it still pink? I haven’t seen him around.”
“It’s blue now.”
“Man, how come he gets to skip school all the time? He must have either the coolest parents in the world, or the dumbest.”
“Didn’t you know? He doesn’t have parents. They’re dead. He lives with his aunt and his grandma.”
“Oh, poor thing! I wonder if he’d go out with me…”
“Good luck with that one.”
“Huh? What do you mean. Maidou-kun?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Yagami-kun doesn’t like girls.”
“You mean…”
“No, that can’t be true!”
“I don’t know, it sounds pretty hot…him with a boy…him and Omeda-kun…”
“Ewwwwwwww! How can you even think like that?! He is not gay. I know he’s not.”
“I’m pretty sure he is. I mean, he even wears eyeliner!”
“That’s not eyeliner, his eyes are just like that!”
“Must be from the drugs.”
“Or not eating.”
“Or sleeping.”
“Is he full Japanese? He looks kind of like a halfie.”
“Maybe he’s a zombie.”
“A hot, genius zombie.”
“A gay zombie.”
“He’s not gay, Maidou-kun! I’ll prove it. I’m going to ask him out.”
“He’s going to turn you down. Trust me, I’m a guy. Guys know these things.”
“I heard a rumor that his father was Kira!”
“Yeah right, Nanao-san. Nice try.”
“Okay fine, I made that one up.”
~*~
“Yagami-kun.”
Haru closed his locker and turned around to face the female voice. It was Ikeda Ayako. A few short steps behind her were Fujita Midori, Maidou Katsuo, and Sugiyama Nanao. Interesting. Insofar as Haru had a social circle, this group lay well outside its radius.
“Ikeda-san,” Haru greeted her. He remained cautious. She wanted something from him. Homework help, perhaps. Stimulants. Snacks.
“Good morning, Yagami-kun,” Ayako beamed. “I had a question for you.”
Leaning back against the lockers, Haru waited for the question. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Ayako look nervous before.
“I was wondering if you would like to go to the dance with me next Saturday.”
Haru blinked. He had not been expecting that. Perhaps he should have been, but he wasn’t. It had been the furthest thing from his mind. And Ayako of all people…he’d have guessed she’d be fighting off boys’ requests right and left.
“Thank you for asking,” he said, with a small smile. “But actually, I wasn’t planning on going.”
The look on Ayako’s face was the stunned disbelief of someone who had never been turned down in her life. Haru kind of felt bad for her. He knew what it felt like to have your world turned upside down.
“Please don’t be offended at all, Ikeda-san. I just really don’t like school dances.” It was true. Crowds made him anxious, and the music was uniformly terrible.
“Say, Yagami-kun,” Maidou interrupted, stepping forward. “Would you rather go with a guy?”
Haru shook his head and smiled to himself. “Look, Maidou-kun, I’m really flattered that someone of your social standing would ask someone like me out on a date, but honestly….you’re just not my type.” He adjusted his bag, taking out a packet of gummy candies and slipping it into his pocket. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a class to avoid.”
As Haru walked away with a casual parting wave, Maidou was left stammering and defending his orientation, to the amusement of all the girls.
~*~
Haru sat in the back of the class, in the southwestern corner of the room. Everyone else was a senior, and Haru felt self-consciously small. He was far enough from the teacher’s eyes that he could nibble on his candies throughout the lecture. A packet barely sustained him the duration of the class. Gota-sensei had written a series of three integration equations on the board.
“Can anyone tell me how I should begin to solve this problem?”
Haru had solved the first one in his head before the teacher had finished her sentence. Still, he'd learned by now not to raise his hand first. Nobody liked a showoff, not even these teachers. He sat back chewing his thumb, waiting for one of the older kids to attempt the problem and make a mistake. He didn't feel like talking right now anyway. It had been about four hours since his last dose of Ritalin, and he needed a hit badly. His head hurt. His mind raced, but couldn't focus. He felt tired, but the furthest thing from sleepy. He was increasingly anxious and miserable and bored. There were five more minutes of class. They wouldn't get to the last problem before the bell rang. Komada-san was still stumbling aloud over the first problem, and Haru wasn't listening. An hour ago he'd been able to process several conversations at a time, while simultaneously reading a textbook and listening to music. Now, all he could attend to were the relative squishiness of the candy and his thumb against his teeth and how uncomfortable his school uniform was. Four minutes left.
Fidgeting in his seat, he noticed he was still sore in places. It was a good kind of sore, now. He could associate it with Near. He could associate all of it with Near now. All the feelings. Feeling wanted. He smiled, thinking about the pajama-clad detective. Near was so ridiculous and so brilliant. Haru felt like they each had something to offer the other. They could help each other. He wondered if he would have come out as awkward as Near if he'd gone to Wammy's House. It seemed unlikely. No one was as awkward as Near. It was part of the man's charm.
The bell rang and Haru wished someone would carry him away out to the field where he could get high in secret. He didn't especially feel like moving from his chair. He should have waited before taking his morning hit, he should have known it wouldn't last through his most important and potentially enjoyable class. But at the time, he hadn't been able to wait any more than he could now. He crunched up the candy package just to make sure it was empty, even though he’d already made a mental tally of all the gummies consumed and knew he’d eaten every last one. Then he dragged himself up and out the door, keeping his wide eyes peeled for Sako and a chance at escape.
~*~
“How come you don’t go to the alley behind the gym anymore?" Sako asked, when they were safely hidden. "That used to be your spot. I haven’t seen you there all week.”
“One too many close calls,” Haru shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “I wouldn’t go down there anymore if I were you. People know about it. This place is still safe, I think.” In truth, he never went to any of the campus’s most secluded places by himself. Not anymore.
Sako opened her pencil case and pulled out a joint, already pre-rolled. She shook her head. “Hey, your shit’s legal. What’ve you got to be so paranoid about?”
Haru didn’t answer, just relished the semi-sweet smell as Sako lit up. Haru never smoked pot; he didn’t do anything he thought might dull his mind. But he loved the smell. From a compartment in his backpack, he took out a small flat mirror, a razorblade, and a bag of fine white powder. He'd blended his pills in his home coffee grinder until they were good and snortable. Swallowing them, prescribed dosage or not, simply didn’t work for him anymore.
“Random weirdness of the day,” he said, pouring a measured amount of powder onto the mirror. “Ikeda Ayako asked me to the dance.”
Sako almost coughed on her joint. “Maybe you should have said yes and gone with her. It would have been funny.”
“Maybe for you. Not for me. Though it might have curbed Maidou-kun’s suspicions of my homosexuality.”
“They’re totally onto you,” Sako laughed. “I mean, you are, aren’t you?”
“Am I gay, you mean?” He shaped the powder into a thin straight line on the mirror.
“Yeah.”
“I’m not sure.”
“I thought you liked that one guy…who was it, your tutor? Your babysitter?”
“He’s…yeah, something like that. It’s complicated.”
“So he’s a he, and you’re a he...”
“I know.” He didn’t look at Sako. He was busy making the line perfectly perfect, as he always did.
“Have you guys… done anything?”
“Mm hm.”
Sako gave him a sidelong smile. “You’re not going to tell me about it, are you?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Come on, please?" Her eyes sparkled with vicarious delight. "Did you do it?”
Haru said nothing, just smiled. He rolled the bill into a thin paper tube and bent over the mirror, snorting the line of powdered medicine in a single go. He leaned back on the bench, waiting for the high, already tingling with anticipation for the heady rush and the narrowing of the world. He sniffed back the pesky drips in the back of his throat. Minutes to go.
“If that’s supposed to be a yes…”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Sako shook her head. “Are there any girls you like at all?”
“I don’t really like anyone else, period.” Already the microscope of his mind was beginning to shift back into focus.
“At first I thought you started hanging out with me because you liked me like that, you know,” Sako confessed. Haru watched her closely - which was the only way he ever watched anything, especially high - and observed a momentary cloud of shame darken her face and then pass. “Then, obviously, I learned you didn’t. And I was kind of relieved, to be honest.” She chewed absently on the end of her joint between puffs. “But I wonder. Why do you hang out with me so much these days?”
“What do you mean?” Haru asked.
“I’m not pretty or popular, and I’m not nearly as smart as you are. We don’t even do the same drugs.” She took a long drag as if to prove her point.
“I enjoy your company, Sako-san. We have similar musical tastes, and you seem like a person who likes thinking creatively. Like me, you’ve lost your parents, and you’re not blind and naive like the rest of them. You’ve been through tough shit.”
Sako’s eyes widened. “How did you know about my parents?”
“It’s obvious from the few times you’ve mentioned your home life that you’re an orphan." No details escaped Haru’s notice. He knew more about most of his classmates than he would ever need to know. If Sako were as observant as he was, she’d never have had to ask him how far he’d gotten with Near. "And you are pretty, by the way,” he added. “Don’t say you’re not.”
Sako blushed. “So are you. You know there’s tons of girls here secretly dying to get with you, not just Ayako. Your boyfriend’s lucky.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. As I explained, it’s complicated.”
“Whatever.”
Wiping his nose in the mirror, Haru caught sight of his hair. He scowled at it and scrunched it around. He didn’t really like the way the blue had come out this time. It was greener than he’d wanted, closer to turquoise than the bold royal blue advertised on the package. He’d have to redo it. Maybe tonight he’d redo it. Definitely he would redo it tonight. Ew. He should have known better than to start examining his hair when he was amped. It made every single strand that wouldn’t fall right stand out like a sore thumb, and once he started rearranging it, it was impossible to stop. His hair was like a puzzle, the type where moving one piece altered everything…
“You hair looks fine, you damn queer,” said Sako, poking him in the shoulder.
Haru shook his head in frustration, undoing most of his grooming, but he laughed. Sako was fun. He unwrapped a red lollipop and started sucking on it to pacify the raging jaw clench that inevitably came with the Ritalin high. It tasted amazing. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt hunger, but the sweets were an addiction unto themselves. He could feel his heart rate elevated, taking his mood with it. He felt inspired, like he needed to do something. He’d probably feel happy doing anything right now, he realized. He might not even mind a school dance.
“Hey, a siren!” Haru jumped up, nearly biting down on his lollipop. The noise was startlingly close.
“Hey, yeah. It sounds pretty loud.”
“It sounds like it’s headed straight for our school. Let’s go check it out! I have a funny feeling about this.”
“You know, running right into the cops’ hands when you’re high as fuck is never a good idea.”
“Listen! It stopped!”
“Are you deaf? The siren’s even louder than before.”
“Not the siren, Sako. The engine. The car stopped. Right in front of the school.” He grinned. “Let’s go see what’s going on!”
“You’re insane.”
Haru laughed as they stuffed everything back into their backpacks. “It’s entirely possible.”
They ran until they came to the front of the school. Haru was fast, the personification of speed, and Sako lagged behind. Haru felt exhilarated, like he was in an action movie. The wind burned his nose and throat as he ran. The south side of the campus was practically deserted, and Haru laughed at the irony. All their fears of getting caught had been for nothing. Everyone had pooled towards the front of the school, where the cops were clearly apprehending someone. Faces peered down from high classroom windows at the scene below. Whatever was going on, it must be something huge.
He came up on a barrier and stopped short, almost bumping into a human wall. A P.E. teacher held back the small crowd of students that had gathered to catch a glimpse of the action. Then from the front of the pack he heard a young voice exclaim: “That’s the Assistant Principal!”
All at once Haru’s racing heart suddenly threatened to stop. It was the Assistant Principal, handcuffed and flanked by cops who led him to the car. Haru froze. His lollipop had disappeared somehow and he ground his teeth together desperately. If only he could disappear. He tried to close his eyes, tried to not be seen, by him or by anyone, but it was too late, his eyes were open for good, and they drew the handcuffed man’s wild gaze like a pair of magnets. The Assistant Principal’s face changed when he sighted him, and Haru could not blink or even move, paralyzed with naked fear and shame. Vocies around him, ranging from a whisper to a shout, swarmed about his consciousness, and even though they weren’t talking about him, they all seemed to burrow under his skin, reading him like a book, knowing everything. Everything. Everyone was going to know. But…at least…He could feel every muscle and tendon in his knees as they weakened and gave out, and he stumbled forward.
“Haru! Haru-kun!” Sako was grabbing his arm. She was surprisingly strong. “Are you okay?”
He rose unsteadily, shuddering. “Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks.” It was hot like a sauna. He felt he might faint or vomit from the heat alone. But Sako was still wearing her jacket.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. Too much running too soon, maybe.”
“I mean, with the Assistant Principal. What did he do?”
“What do you mean?" Haru stared at her, terrified. "How the hell should I know?” he yelled over the thudding of his still-stunned heart.
“Jeez, I don’t know!” She tried to lead him away from the crowd. “Don’t freak out! I just, well, you seem to figure out everything about everybody.”
“Oh.” Haru felt calmer instantly when they had broken free from the mass of bodies. “Right. I don’t know." He shook his head, feeling foolish and alone. "I don’t know what he did. Must have been bad, though.”
“Maybe he took money from the school.”
“Nah, I doubt it. He’s plenty rich as it is. Have you seen the suits he wears, or his shoes?”
“No,” said Sako quizzically. “I’ve never noticed.”
Haru scowled. “Where did my lollipop go?” He searched his pockets again, twice, but all he came up with was the empty gummy package. “I’m going back to look for it. Catch up with you later, Sako. Thanks for the hand back there.”
Sako waved goodbye awkwardly, swept up by a spreading human wave. Teachers were herding students from the yard back into their respective classrooms, and Haru spotted the English class he was supposed to be attending. He’d been spotted too. No use cutting class today; he'd run enough risks lately. With one last glance back towards the street, he gave up on his lost candy and followed the other students up the stairs. But when he reached the floor where his classroom was, he stopped, hung back and stayed by the window, looking down. Far below, the police car was driving away. The front yard cleared.
“Thank you, Near-sempai,” he whispered. He pressed his forehead against the calming cool of the glass, and breathed deeply. “Thank you.”
**
Next chapter...