This is 10-15 minutes of free thought. Thou has been warned.

I am more depressed my this than I like to admit. I didn't think a non-relationship could affect me so much, but alas, it has.  I think I put all my emotion over the years into one crazy basket, and when it finally flipped, I lost everything I felt I had invested into her.  It really ( Read more... )

I honestly have purged about 95% of the automatic negative thoughts that would pop into by mind.  I worked with a lot of them in my youth, usually in my father's voice, telling me not to be a "playbaby" or "puny".  They gradually went away, but would resurface from time to time, in my voice.  I for a long time believed I was completely "unloveable ( Read more... )

 - Clean house (bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, front room), clean car (wash car, vacuum interior) , do laundry, get haircut, clean firearms, sew buttons on, put up blackout curtains in back room, install pots & pan rack over stove, get steps in, get Christmas tree stowed under bed, pick up garbage in front yard, shave daily, schedule dental ( Read more... )

1. Are you willing to be complete with your relationship? Are you ready to move on and step into a new future? If so, what does it mean to you to move on? If not, then what’s holding you back?  Not really.  I still feel like there is more to do.  We found each other for a reason, right? I need to move on and step into my future, wether or not she ( Read more... )

1.What are the biggest fears you’re facing right now in relation to your breakup? OR the biggest fears you didn’t face during your last relationship?  I'm afraid she'd decide to marry and start a family after telling me that was something she didn't want. It was always slightly nebulous with her on this subject, yet she would brag about how old her ( Read more... )

1. What emotions and thoughts are arising as you begin to remove your ex from your mental and physical environment?  I really don't have that much on hand to remind myself of her. The couple things I have I think are small enough to avoid or too big to get rid of and burn. Purging by fire can be cathartic, but seems wasteful when it comes to ( Read more... )

1. To start, identify the specific patterns and behaviors your ex exuded that drove you insane.  They always got to have the right of way with feelings, their's were always right, and I was always wrong no matter how I felt. Always wrong. Then the full silent treatment, wrong and frozen out.
2. Can I see how some of these behaviors could have been her ( Read more... )

I recently started a new program to help myself be a bit for self assured and resilient. Part of it requires some light journaling, so I thought it best to dust off the ol' Livejournal and post it here, so at least I can find it to reflect on in the coming years.

1. How have you defined masculinity in the past? I always felt masculinity was the ( Read more... )

I'm saving this here for later, cause it looks like a fantastic list of things to read.

https://www.npr.org/2018/08/16/632779706/click-if-you-dare-100-favorite-horror-stories

Virtue

VIRTUE, noun vur'tu. [Latin virtus, from vireo, or its root. See Worth.] The radical sense is strength, from straining, stretching, extending. This is the primary sense of Latin vir, a man.]

I'm going to be using the heck out of this link this next term.
Do not abuse this, Chicago is my kind of style ( Read more... )