My phone rings at work:

"Hi, how can I help you?"
"Hi ... uh ... I was wondering what the shipping would be on the one thousand five hundred watt package."
"The fifteen hundred watt pack? One sec."
"Noooo" spoken as if I can't comprehend what he's saying "The one thousand five hundred watt pack."

Can I interject for a minute? There. Right there. That ( Read more... )

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When I was in HS football, I tore my achilles tendon a bit. Hurt like a motherfucker, and I had to tape up my ankle throughout the whole year -- for football and wrestling ( Read more... )

From the book of Josh: Chapter 4 "People that piss me off ( Read more... )

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What is it about guys in berets that makes me want to punch them the second I see them?

I have never seen a guy pull a beret off. Never. Ever.

My teeth have become increasingly sensative lately. What's up with that?

It's real fuckin annoying.

I'm in a foul mood. One of those moods where I answer every question with "I will fucking kill you."

I just spent the last fifteen minutes laughing like a maniac at the name of my last customer -- Jomo Bonner -- which my Spanish speaking coworkers pronounced as "Homo Boner."

I gotta admit, that's how I'd pronounce it too.

Heh. Homo Boner.

PIERRE, S.D. - A woman who died two months ago won a county commissioner's race in Jerauld County on Tuesday ( Read more... )