So I realized today that my fear of commitment complex has finally set in with the relationship I am now in. I thought it was a good thing that I finally came to terms with and stopped freaking out about the possibility of him transferring schools and leaving me behind. But instead of being mature and realizing that his life comes before my selfish ( Read more... )

I feel like I have anxiety problems. Little things in my mind turn into huge things that feel so overwhelming its hard for me to enjoy my life. I don't even know how to make it better

So last week I was told I should get a boyfriend. And this suggestion threw me off quite a bit. Why should I get a boyfriend? Who the fuck are you to tell me I should get a boyfriend? We had a long chat and he told me he said that because he thinks I should be happy, and that I'm wonderful and amazing and I should have whatever I want ( Read more... )

I guess sub-consciencely I wanted to see him, but should I even trust my sub-conscience?

So while sitting at work today I started to think about all of things that I would rather be doing right now. And I had this great idea, that since I've already done so much research on subprime mortgages and securitization I should do a documentary on it. So I email my mom and tell her my idea and she thinks its a brilliant idea, I email my friend ( Read more... )

So I decided to enjoy my life. That may seem obvious to some, but its really not that universal. I've kind of been a ascetic most of my life. And I'm not going to lie I sometimes get some sort of twisted pleasure out of denying myself the things that I enjoy. You know just to prove I can do it, or to achieve some greater goal. But theres a ( Read more... )

I just met Gil Scott Theron, author of the poem "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" apparently he's my aunt in law's cousin. Tight ( Read more... )

So I was starting to stress myself out recently. I've been working at this internship in NY doing economic consulting (MIT has January term as optional). And the work is kind of boring. Also the first job I had this summer I also found boring. Teaching was fun, but it was also a fuck of a lot of work for little pay, which is what teaching is always ( Read more... )

I'm doing so well academically, and career wise. Yet all i can think about are my failures socially. I'm probably doing well academically and career wise because these are things I have direct control over, study more, solves problem. I don't see a direct path to reach my social goals. I want to have closer friends in college. I have a million ( Read more... )

whenever I go back to LA I always feel inadequate and superior at the same time. I feel inadequate because I realize how much I've let myself go in terms of the superficial things, like clothing, and hair, and makeup. I feel like everyone else is so well put together and I'm just a sloppy mess. I never even think about that kind of stuff back east ( Read more... )