Hello, Goodbye

[juskasalminen]

The house is impossibly quiet; I am not used to the silence. It is funny how one takes noise for granted. The soft breathing of someone next to you in bed, the sound of the floors squeaking above from being walked over when you are downstairs with a cup of coffee, the faint sounds of music spilling out of a doorway down the hall. Hanna should be

Comments

[fab_boy]

I also slept somewhere other than a bed and my back is killing me today. I can barely stand to walk into my bedroom for all the images that fly into my head when I do. I treasure the images and memories, but they pain me so much right now. I still keep thinking, this time x number of hours ago, I was with him...

I love you, baby. Never forget that.

[juskasalminen]

Missing you is one of the most excruciating experiences I have ever had to endure. The days seem so cold and empty, the house hauntingly barren without the sound of your laughter reverberating and bouncing off the walls. My body aches as well, but it aches to hold you, just feel your warmth pressed against my frame in between the sheets of satin.

I love you too. Your love is what keeps me holding on. It keeps me upright, dangling over a pit of misery. All I can think about is seeing you again.

[fab_boy]

I get so cold at night, baby. I hate sleeping alone... if you can call it sleep. It used to wrap me up almost as warmly as you would wrap me up in your arms, and now it has forsaken me. I dream of you often when I do sleep, though... and the pain of waking up and still being alone is worth it when I get to hold you and love you in my dreams. Sometimes I think I can hear you whispering my name into my ear when I first wake.

It's all I can think about too, my love. I have to keep myself from hailing a cab to the airport almost every day. I am coming back to you as soon as I can.

[juskasalminen]

Your words cut me open like daggers, oh how I revel in the pain. Dreams do not come to me, instead it is a few hours of dull sleep here and there, just black abyss. If I am able to make it to my bed for sleep, rather than collapsing in the study as I have done a few nights, I bathe myself in thoughts of how your fingers trickled against my skin. Soft and steady like your lips against mine.

I feel guilty for having work that keeps us apart, that I can not fly to see you.

[vanessa_amorosi]

Oh my god, this is so sad! I know how you feel right now, as I think everybody comes trough those situations at least once in his life. I remember when it first happened to me. I came back from the airport, alone, and all I could do was just curl up in my bed and then cry for the rest of the day. I felt so miserable, I couldn't imagine ever standing up again. It was like I forgot how to live without him. Yet, everybody has his own way to handle this, I furiously cleaned my house the day after, to remove all of his remaining stuff and smells, just every single sign of him. I felt like this was the only small chance to get back to ordinary.

I was about to propose you could always come and visit me if you need distraction or a change of scenery, but I realize that, if you could leave whereever you are, you'd probably rather go see Rufus than me...

So, the only advice I could give you thing left to say is, you should really think about a pet. That helps enormously to give you some other ideas and your noise-problem would solve itself

[juskasalminen]

Perhaps a pet would be a good idea. I do have friends in Finland, I should make an effort to get out of the house more to see them. Hanna is back with me here at home and it is helpful, but there is nothing that could ever replace Rufus. In contrast to you, I am reluctant to remove any traces of him throughout my home. I love that my sheets smell of him and find comfort rolling up in them at night, taking in his scent and allowing my mind to fill with memories.

[robtakac]

I know the feeling of an empty house pretty well, myself, my friend. And aren't we truly musicians? I've spent countless hours in my studio working on first one thing and then another to pass those hours. I hope you find the days easier as they pass, though I know you'll be waiting for the moment you can see Rufus again.

[juskasalminen]

The days seem impossibly long and difficult. As you mentioned, I am trying to immerse myself in my work to try to keep my mind occupied, but it is hard when I can remember him sitting beside me at my keyboard or me at his flat in New York where we sat at his piano. Everything seems like it is a constant reminder, I can find some way to trace all thoughts and objects back to him.