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[justadrienne]

Sorry if I haven't called you or hung out with you or seen you or stopped to talk to you in months. For some reason, everything is very difficult right now. I have been reading novels and eating food that James makes. That is all. So don't feel like I am ignoring you. I am ignoring everyone and everything. My house is such a mess that it is

Comments

[tearose]

you're gonna get aderol? for some reason i thought this was so not you anymore. but do what you have to.
i love you

[hoshi07]

yeah i would agree that seems very un A like. i dont know i guess i'm surprised sinc eyou always have so much energy and i can't see you not beeing motivated. but yeah,i guess whatever it takes to make a change in things.

[justadrienne]

And about the adderall thing--I have taken it the last two semesters during finals, last semester just one night to write one paper, and the semester before a couple of nights to write a couple of papers. I haven't needed it in my everyday life in a long time. But I don't want to deny that I have ADD. It is nice when it feels like I don't have it anymore, and I appreciate the benefits I have gotten from Yan Xin Qigong and from other changes that I have experienced in my life. But you can't deny a disease--I don't want to let it boss me around. I want to clean my house, for God's sake. But it turns out that the whole thing wil take a couple weeks--I have to be re-evaluated and stuff. My appt. with the therapist is on Tuesday, and then after meeting with her, she'll determine if I need to be referred to a psychatrist, then I will make an appt. with the shrink, and then I will meet with the shrink and they will probably give me a new prescription. Which will be insanely expensive because I have no insurance right now. Anyway,

[bodhimian]

have you tried things like tryptophan?
making sure to drink 8 glasses of water and three balanced meals

it's interesting, i had a major wave of depression the other day that tore me apart and left me back standing on my feet, i hope that you land too because it seems like all this subtle tension following people these days is teaching us hard (or hardly teaching us)

[tearose]

PS:
ya know, just last night i was thinking about how horrible a qigong practitioner i am. then i thought about you. then i thought about the last time we spoke about this, and you said you weren't having an easy time of it either. i thought, well, maybe we're still in the same boat. but on the other hand, maybe this is it, maybe i'm just really not good. i felt so disconnected. and now i read this and i feel connected again, even in our disconnectedness. yeah. ha. and then i practiced for a really record-short amount of time. ok later.

[tearose]

i mean i practiced after i felt disconnected, not after i read your psot. i practiced before i read your post. hehe. ok bye.

[justadrienne]

I find it makes a big difference to practice for like one minute--especially if you do all the parts, just really quickly. I did that the other day too. It was interesting actually, because I was trying to go to work, and I was already going to be late, and I found my work shirt on the floor all wrinkly and I was like "Shit" So I put it in the dryer to try to unwrinkle it, and then for some reason I had this wave of like: "I don't want to run anymore. I must practice." Because it's been really hard lately, but I know that I need to pass through this hardship in order to grow--but not practicing just puts it off. I need some acute hardship--and I need to practice through it, and that is how this will all break through. But anyway, that day, I practiced for like one minute, and then I went to write that in my journal: "I don't want to run anymore. I must practice." And my journal was in my bag, and in my bag I found another work shirt that was "perfectly" clean. And it just reminded me how much it matters to practice. How