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Three reasons why I hate July
July 4, July 23, July 28.
That's it.
For me, that's enough said because I know what happened on those days.
I hate death. -
July 5, 2024
Of course I have some thoughts about yesterday being July 4th once again, but I really don't know what I'm going to say. It may be disjointed sentences that make no sense, or it might be thoughtful and coherent, but if that happens, I'll be surprised. Let's find out ( Read more... ) -
That time of year again...
It's the month before. As usual, I'm not sure how to feel about it or how to express how I feel. All I know is there's a tightness in my stomach and a sense of dread as the day approaches. It'll be 10 years now ( Read more... ) -
She was coming home....to die
Every June it starts up again. The anticipation before the 4th. I'm sure others are sick of hearing about it. To be honest, I'm getting worn out with it. It's taxing to be filled with dread over a day I've given power to hurt me because of what happened ( Read more... ) -
A "Twinge" of Hope
In the hopelessness of my last post, I talked about the despair of losing my mother, while fighting to help her live. I'm still grieving her loss which I still believe didn't have to happen. Still dealing with the fallout from that, the anger and the indignation of this broken world full of broken people ( Read more... ) -
Feeling a little unsettled...
It's that time of year again. Today marks the 8th anniversary of the day I didn't try hard enough to kill myself. She had 8 days left to live on June 26 2014. I'd have thought it would be sooner than that but it was 8 days. I'd just had enough of this life. Agnostic. Prayers not working when prayed which was rare, so why even try now ( Read more... ) -
Death Anniversaries
A year ago today I said goodbye to little Ned. Four weeks before that, I said goodbye to his brother Harry, and four weeks before that, I said goodbye to their brother Nat. Eight weeks, three losses, and the end of an era that lasted almost 16 years ( Read more... ) -
Grief and Anger
Recently one of my patients lost his wife. This is a devastating loss for him because of his situation. I can't go in to any of the details, obviously. I accompanied him to the hospital for what was one of his last visits with her. While there, he mentioned her mouth needed to be suctioned. The nurse responded callously "I'm trying to help her ( Read more... ) -
The Pink Elephant Dream
In 1981, I had been saved for about a year when I had this vivid, perplexing dream. Sitting at my small desk at work, there was a cute little pink elephant wearing round eye-glasses walking around on the desk top. She was about 7 inches long trunk to tail and stood about 5 or 6 inches tall. Tiny! And sooo cute! She had big eyes, and the round ( Read more... )
