Fic: Shattered (Tony-centric) 2/?
Title: Shattered
Author: justhowthisgoes
Fandom: NCIS
Category: Angst
Pairing: Tiva
Rating: T
Spoilers: Up to Season 7
Summary: Tony can't sleep. He's worried about Ziva. Post-Aliyah angsty ficlets. Was a one-shot, but now extended to a multi-chapter by popular request.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Bleeding Love
As much as he would have liked to, he knew he couldn’t run from what he’d done, from what had happened, from this disaster after disaster, screw-up after screw-up.
Despite this, he ran as if to escape from the jaws of hell itself.
His feet pounded the cement of the sidewalk, echoing his pounding heart.
It wasn’t enough.
Whatever he did, he could still feel the tell-tale throbbing in his chest.
The hole must still be there, bleeding.
He checked.
Yup, and growing more painful by the day. By the hour.
He panted and gasped for air as he pushed himself harder.
His eyes stung as sweat dripped down into them, blurring his vision.
His muscles burned and ached as he forced them farther, faster, stretching his limits.
He couldn’t forgive himself, couldn’t forget. He couldn’t share his feelings.
Not with his friends.
Not with the team, or what was left of it.
Not with Ziva.
Ziva was gone.
And the worst part of it was, he knew it was his fault.
His cross to bear.
At work, everything was so heartbreakingly normal.
Average, routine, ordinary, everyday.
It was almost as if she had never existed. Had never walked into his life. Had never walked out just as suddenly and taken a piece of him with her.
But she did. And she had.
Such an important piece of him too.
Was it possible to live with a fractured heart? One that had been pulled out and stomped on and put back in, still missing the most vital piece?
He was surprised that he hadn't bled out.
And if anyone mentioned her, he tried to act casually, not to betray what her name did to him.
If he didn’t get his guard up quickly enough, someone might notice the look in his eyes and ask him about it. Ask him why. Why he reacted the way he did.
Because it’s all my fault! He wanted to scream at them. Why don’t you hate me? I do!
But instead he would feign lightheartedness, he’d laugh and joke it off.
And if anyone was aware that his smile was a little too bright, his wit a little too quick, no one brought it up.
Maybe they knew him too well.
Maybe they didn’t know him at all.
...
Chapter 3
Author: justhowthisgoes
Fandom: NCIS
Category: Angst
Pairing: Tiva
Rating: T
Spoilers: Up to Season 7
Summary: Tony can't sleep. He's worried about Ziva. Post-Aliyah angsty ficlets. Was a one-shot, but now extended to a multi-chapter by popular request.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Bleeding Love
As much as he would have liked to, he knew he couldn’t run from what he’d done, from what had happened, from this disaster after disaster, screw-up after screw-up.
Despite this, he ran as if to escape from the jaws of hell itself.
His feet pounded the cement of the sidewalk, echoing his pounding heart.
It wasn’t enough.
Whatever he did, he could still feel the tell-tale throbbing in his chest.
The hole must still be there, bleeding.
He checked.
Yup, and growing more painful by the day. By the hour.
He panted and gasped for air as he pushed himself harder.
His eyes stung as sweat dripped down into them, blurring his vision.
His muscles burned and ached as he forced them farther, faster, stretching his limits.
He couldn’t forgive himself, couldn’t forget. He couldn’t share his feelings.
Not with his friends.
Not with the team, or what was left of it.
Not with Ziva.
Ziva was gone.
And the worst part of it was, he knew it was his fault.
His cross to bear.
At work, everything was so heartbreakingly normal.
Average, routine, ordinary, everyday.
It was almost as if she had never existed. Had never walked into his life. Had never walked out just as suddenly and taken a piece of him with her.
But she did. And she had.
Such an important piece of him too.
Was it possible to live with a fractured heart? One that had been pulled out and stomped on and put back in, still missing the most vital piece?
He was surprised that he hadn't bled out.
And if anyone mentioned her, he tried to act casually, not to betray what her name did to him.
If he didn’t get his guard up quickly enough, someone might notice the look in his eyes and ask him about it. Ask him why. Why he reacted the way he did.
Because it’s all my fault! He wanted to scream at them. Why don’t you hate me? I do!
But instead he would feign lightheartedness, he’d laugh and joke it off.
And if anyone was aware that his smile was a little too bright, his wit a little too quick, no one brought it up.
Maybe they knew him too well.
Maybe they didn’t know him at all.
...
Chapter 3