Fic: Shattered (Tony-centric) 3/?
Title: Shattered
Author: justhowthisgoes
Fandom: NCIS
Category: Angst
Pairing: Tiva
Rating: T
Spoilers: Up to Season 7
Summary: Tony can't sleep. He's worried about Ziva. Post-Aliyah angsty ficlets. Was a one-shot, but now extended to a multi-chapter by popular request.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Pieces Of You, Me, Us?
He knew his focus was off. Shot to hell, really.
And he couldn’t do anything about it.
Oh, he put up a good front and acted like all was well, but who was he fooling in the end?
Anyone?
Maybe. He was good at hiding.
But was anyone that good?
Could anyone really conceal that level of pain and despair for long?
Could anyone really veil a bleeding, torn-apart heart?
If anyone could, it was him. Probably wasn’t a good thing though.
Maybe he was crazy.
Were crazy people aware of their own insanity?
If not, and you thought you were crazy, did it automatically mean you were sane?
It was a conundrum, to be sure.
He leaned back in his chair and stared at the phone, willing it to ring.
Hoping against hope, against logic, that he would hear something, anything.
The past few months had left the team completely bereft of news, good or bad.
Don't they say no news is good news?
He didn't buy it for a second.
This was bad.
He knew it, could feel it.
Like a cold fear. Like a sixth sense. Like a sucker-punch.
Not a feeling in his gut, like Gibbs.
Rather in his heart, in the empty space, where the missing piece ought to be.
The now vacant spot throbbed and ached as though stabbed anew with each breath he drew.
He didn’t mind the pain, though.
He welcomed it. He deserved it after all.
My fault. All my fault.
The mantra played on permanent repeat in his head.
But still he pretended that nothing was wrong.
He still went out with his friends.
Still watched his movies, taped his sports games.
Still was pleasant and affable to everyone in the office.
Still flirted with the women in HR.
Half-heartedly, not that they’d notice.
All the while not knowing anything for sure, but feeling and dreading the worst.
He couldn’t bring himself to actually voice his worries out loud; for fear that they would come to life.
Work was a distraction. Hell, life was a distraction at this point.
A distraction from the void. The void he was in danger of slipping into, the void which her absence created.
He didn’t know how much more he could take of this.
It definitely wasn’t normal.
...
Chapter 4
Author: justhowthisgoes
Fandom: NCIS
Category: Angst
Pairing: Tiva
Rating: T
Spoilers: Up to Season 7
Summary: Tony can't sleep. He's worried about Ziva. Post-Aliyah angsty ficlets. Was a one-shot, but now extended to a multi-chapter by popular request.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Pieces Of You, Me, Us?
He knew his focus was off. Shot to hell, really.
And he couldn’t do anything about it.
Oh, he put up a good front and acted like all was well, but who was he fooling in the end?
Anyone?
Maybe. He was good at hiding.
But was anyone that good?
Could anyone really conceal that level of pain and despair for long?
Could anyone really veil a bleeding, torn-apart heart?
If anyone could, it was him. Probably wasn’t a good thing though.
Maybe he was crazy.
Were crazy people aware of their own insanity?
If not, and you thought you were crazy, did it automatically mean you were sane?
It was a conundrum, to be sure.
He leaned back in his chair and stared at the phone, willing it to ring.
Hoping against hope, against logic, that he would hear something, anything.
The past few months had left the team completely bereft of news, good or bad.
Don't they say no news is good news?
He didn't buy it for a second.
This was bad.
He knew it, could feel it.
Like a cold fear. Like a sixth sense. Like a sucker-punch.
Not a feeling in his gut, like Gibbs.
Rather in his heart, in the empty space, where the missing piece ought to be.
The now vacant spot throbbed and ached as though stabbed anew with each breath he drew.
He didn’t mind the pain, though.
He welcomed it. He deserved it after all.
My fault. All my fault.
The mantra played on permanent repeat in his head.
But still he pretended that nothing was wrong.
He still went out with his friends.
Still watched his movies, taped his sports games.
Still was pleasant and affable to everyone in the office.
Still flirted with the women in HR.
Half-heartedly, not that they’d notice.
All the while not knowing anything for sure, but feeling and dreading the worst.
He couldn’t bring himself to actually voice his worries out loud; for fear that they would come to life.
Work was a distraction. Hell, life was a distraction at this point.
A distraction from the void. The void he was in danger of slipping into, the void which her absence created.
He didn’t know how much more he could take of this.
It definitely wasn’t normal.
...
Chapter 4