So, I've been thinking back over my past, especially the last two years, and all the things that I have done wrong, and the people i have hurt, and how much of it had been forgiven, and all the promises that it wouldn't happen again, and I have decided that one way or another, I will become someone who does not hurt everyone I care about, or I will ( Read more... )

all things considered, i thought i would be upset.  Perhaps it's the xanax, perhaps not, but i just feel like this is part of Gods plan to help me get some help to become a better person.  it's weird.  I am almost somehow looking forward to it, if in fact that is what's to happen.  I am not angry in the slightest, sad, but not angry.  And weirdest ( Read more... )

Logan woke up crying in the middle of last night.  I went in to quiet him and ended up rocking him back to sleep, and as he lay there, gently stroking my beard, I realized that this little guy is my reason for being.  He is what I live for.  I looked down and him and began to weep for this beautiful creature that has brought so much meaning to my ( Read more... )

Written by C.S. Lewis ( Read more... )

Well, here we are, another notch in the belt.  Did everyone get what they wanted?  I only really wanted one thing, but I wasn't holding my breath.  It wouldn't have made me feel any better if I had gotten it anyway.  Merry fucking Christmas everyone.

All I hope for now is closure.  I need to try and figure out how to get some semblance of a life together now.  I am getting fat and depressed, and I can't keep this up.  I didn't even get out of bed yesterday.  

Happy veteran's day.  I am still so proud of you, even if I can't tell you so.  Even if you don't care what I think anymore.

I know you don't read these, but I am going to put it here anyway.  It's as close as I am gonna get to actually telling you, so I guess that's that.

Happy birthday.  I am absolutely devestated that I can't be there for you today.  I am so sorry that I hurt the two of you.

As the minutes tick by, I see-saw between anger, and sadness.  Depression is my only companion.  I am trapped in some sort of earthly limbo, waiting to find out if my life is completely ruined, or merely impaired.  Maybe I do need treatment, but it's not for what everyone seems to think.  I don't know what to do now.  I see only one thing left to ( Read more... )

The question "if you really loved me, how could you have done this," has been in my head lately.  Lindsay asked it, and there are others would ask it if they were speaking to me, and the answer is: "I don't know."  Just sitting here thinking about it, I know that it is not something I would ever just decide to do, I don't believe that I am one of ( Read more... )