Strings ( Read more... )

why do I keep on having dreams about this person? x ( Read more... )

I was last night ( Read more... )

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. 2. confident expectation of something; hope. 3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust. 4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust. 5. ( Read more... )

So I woke up crying this morning, but not at first.

First I had to let it sink in what had actually happen, that dad was dead.  It's been awhile since it happened, but it just hits me again every once in a while.  Grief is that way, i guess.

The dream was so vivid, it was like a drop of water had been placed on the whole event and everything was ( Read more... )

so screw this.

I don't like to think of him.

I don't like how unsafe I feel when the idea of communicating with him pops in my head; like a weakness.

I feel unstable, ungrounded, and I have the worst headache I could ever imagine.

sometimes I think I haven't made any progression.  I know I have, but it feels as like I haven't.

now to sleep.  if I can.
( Read more... )

I thought that I was done with this panic.  Although I have a problem even calling it panic, it is the closest thing that I could explain it as.  My heart races and my stomach drops and I zoom out.  Too far out, seeing the minutiae of life disappear and I can't grasp on to anything.  I want to see the broader pattern, to know for certain that ( Read more... )

My room is a filth pit and it is stressing me out!

Excuses:

• I lived in a one bedroom apartment for a year.  I expanded to fill that space.  Goldfish do this, they will grow only as large as the space they live in.  You can remove a fish from their pond and put them in a smaller bowl, but they might feel a little crowded.  This is how I feel, crowded ( Read more... )

only lesbians can hear the music (winfield)
we were
lost in a campsite full of swirling skirts and
pipe dreams
i love you…oh wait
it was just a mistake
some kind of minor chord progression that I mistook
for song
the dribbling notes of the geetars and
banjo Mandolins created
this aura, a pure gulf stream
it made me believe in the god of small things,
of ( Read more... )

Dream:
I was driving down the highway and realized that if my pain was the only emotion I was permitted, with no hope for the future then that is where panic comes from.   It came from thinking that I wouldn't be happy ever again and that the sadness wouldn't go away. And now it's fall
again and I'm happy just fine and I taught myself that even ( Read more... )