Beautiful and Exhausting

[kaifukusurukizu]

One of the most annoying, beautiful, frustrating things I have experienced throughout life is human interaction.  Why does it have to feel like a chore more than often?  Why does it have to be such a game?  Carefully planning each gesture, each blink of the eye, the next word spoken so you can attract/amuse/anger/humiliate/impress someone all while

Comments

[danceravecmoi]

I totally feel you on this subject. I just did it about a half hour ago. Sitting outside this coffee shop in Baltimore, MD, praying to make contact with someone, to meet someone and find a shared interest, find out their story, fall in love, SOMETHING to make me feel like a real human and make meaningful contact with other humans. Instead I bummed a cigarette and pretended to be doing the crossword puzzle while he pretended to be cleaning his nails and we both pretended like we shouldn't talk to each other. GRR. I'm still kicking myslef. But anyway. I've been drinking less and it's done terrible things to my confidence.. but sometimes it helps to PRETEND like I'm drunk and hopefully it'll be contagious and we'll all be social and open and honest and passionate with each other. That's my goal for this Friday night. Walk around. Make friends.

[kaifukusurukizu]

I figured you would have an understanding of what I'm saying. I was thinking of the ant auto pilot again while I was writing this of course. Of course you and me and every person acts this way at least some of the time. It's so tiring wanting to connect someone, but there are so many fears and prejudices that hold us back, and most of the time it's all in our minds. I wish we could skip all that bullshit and say "hey, I'm human and I need human interaction. You also are human, thus you need the same. Lets move past the insecurities and egos and just talk". I really wish it could be that simple, just walking up to someone and start talking and ending up with an hour long conversation about life, love, death, and the universe that cradles it all.

I really miss you, which I'm sure you know. I wish I could talk to you now and have this conversation I'm thinking of. Then we could pick up more people along the way.