[F07] I'LL FLY UNTIL MY WINGS BURN (1/2)
Prompt Code: F07
Title: I’ll Fly Until My Wings Burn
Rating: R
Side Pairings (if any): Kaistal, hinted Xiuhan, hinted Baekyeol
Warnings: (Minor) Noncon, Jongin being a dipshit and you know the drill
Word Count: 12k
Summary: Kyungsoo knows the moment he’ll walk in, Jongin will pretend they never kissed buried in autumn leaves, never embraced under the cold breath of rain and never made love underneath a blanket of watching stars.
AN: sorry for weather misconception. i tried so hard to get this prompt the way it might have been wanted and this is what came up somehow between blood sweat and a lot of tears?? (tears mostly from exo’s comeback tho) i hope its angsty enough hehe
Mod's Note: The writer asks the readers to read the additional AN found after the fic. Thank you!
PART I
Kyungsoo first meets Jongin on the first day of autumn. As the leaves fall, they change color, showering shades of red and orange over Seoul. The sky is hung clear and open above their heads, and roads are lined with hues of red and gold. Kyungsoo is sitting on a wooden bench, legs crossed, with a notepad on his lap. Spectacles balance on the end of his nose, and puffs of air escape his red lips in clouds. He’s dragging his hand across paper to create lines of nonsense when he sees Jongin. He sees a man in a thin white blouse and skin-tight leather trousers despite the temperature slicing the air with his hands and legs, pulling his foot against piles of leaves. The man jumps and twirls and laughs, and his laughter makes Kyungsoo drop his pencil and stare. He stares as the man falls back onto another neat pile of leaves, scattering them into a mess.
More leaves fall like snowflakes. The street turns silent. Kyungsoo slowly bends down to pick up his pencil, only for his left foot to crunch on a leaf. The man immediately sits up and looks at the noise, to see Kyungsoo with tinted cheeks, a red nose and a blue wool beanie pulled over his red-tinged ears. They look at each other in silence, and for a moment Kyungsoo sees the autumn leaves around him fall as if in slow motion, gliding downwards with utmost grace. No, he sees the autumn leaves fall around them, because all he can look at are the man’s eyes. His dark, dark eyes that resemble hot chocolate and his dark, dark hair with pieces of bright leaves tangled in and his dark, dark beginnings of a smile.
“What’s your name?”
Kyungsoo blinks, tightening his grip on the pencil in his hand. He straightens up and his lips part, completely unaware of the question thrown at him. When the man’s head tilts left in confusion, Kyungsoo answers but as he does-
“Kyung-”
A car rolls past them, and the engine drowns his words. Kyungsoo’s eyes are shut and his arms are in front of him to shield himself from flying dead leaves and rubble. As the dust settles and the car’s engine is no longer to be heard, he slowly lowers his arms and opens his left eye. Only the figure on the ground with the dark eyes and bright leaves isn’t there anymore. Kyungsoo stands up, disheartened, and does a full spin to look for the man. But he can’t find him amongst the trees or the piles of leaves, and with a dejected sigh leaving his lips Kyungsoo sits back down on the wooden bench, pulling his legs up to cross them and continues drawing nonsense. (Only this time, the nonsense resembles a man with dark, dark eyes and dark, dark hair with bright leaves and dark, dark beginnings of a smile, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t ever admit that.)
-
Kyungsoo leans against the table, fingers wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate, and lets the steam warm up the top of his neck. He bathes in the warmth with a satisfied smile, and pulls the mug up to sip. Then he takes out his notepad and flips pages and pages of nonsense to a clean page. He takes a pencil out, and begins drawing, per usual, with spectacles threatening to fall off his nose and a muted blue beanie pulled over his red-tinged ears. He draws until the page has no blank space left for graphite, and flips the page. He’s so fixated on his drawing, he doesn’t hear chair legs scraping the floor and his mug being pulled out of eyesight.
“What are you drawing?”
Kyungsoo jumps up, eyes widening in shock. He stares at the man in front of him. His hair is the color of chestnut, tufts of it sticking out in curls. His eyes are lined with bronze and his mouth is stretched into a genuine smile revealing teeth. Kyungsoo’s lips part and his eyes don’t go back to their normal size, as he stares at the man who danced between trees and through leaves on the first day of autumn. He stares until the man tilts his head to the left and nostalgia throws itself onto Kyungsoo with the weight of a freight train.
“I’m Jongin.” Jongin’s smile doesn’t falter as he thrusts his hand out for Kyungsoo to shake. He watches as Kyungsoo takes his hand. They don’t shake, because Kyungsoo’s hand is limp in Jongin’s grip. Jongin pulls back his hand with an awkward grimace, but soon after returns to his splitting smile. “I’m sorry, what’s your name?”
“Kyung-” Kyungsoo’s voice stutters, and he looks around. He sees a car drive past them through the ceiling high coffee shop window, and winces at the embarrassing memory. “-soo. I’m Do Kyungsoo.”
“I believe we’ve met before.” Jongin’s eyes turn into crescents, and something in Kyungsoo’s chest stirs. “Wasn’t it a little awkward how I ran away that day?”
Kyungsoo only nods in silence, his hand resting on his lap. They sit awkwardly, Kyungsoo’s right hand itching to draw. (But he never draws when somebody’s watching.) Kyungsoo hums uneasily, biting his bottom lip and averting his gaze.
After seconds slip into minutes, Jongin’s speaks. “Let’s be friends, Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo looks up in bewilderment, but Jongin is gone. The chair is neatly pushed back in as well. The only thing that convinces Kyungsoo he wasn’t hallucinating is the orange leaf next to the mug of hot chocolate and a strip of paper holding a string of numbers. Kyungsoo crumples the leaf up in a fist, and shuts his eyes with an embarrassingly large smile.
-
The party is loud and flamboyant, the upbeat music making the ground beneath them vibrate. Kyungsoo grasps onto Jongin’s arm for support as they weave through the massive crowd. “It’s just a house party.” Jongin shouts over the music and Kyungsoo’s clutch tightens. He hears a slosh of liquid above him, and a bucket is poured over Jongin. Laughter scatters around them as Jongin looks up at the offender, and to Kyungsoo’s surprise, a loud laugh escapes his lips as well. Kyungsoo holds his breath, watching the cold, pasty substance slide down Jongin’s skin and stick his shirt to his chest.
“Jongin, you bitch! You came late- and with a new boyfriend?”
Kyungsoo looks up to see a skinny boy with an ugly black middle parting and thin black eyebrows smile at Jongin. He looks to his right to see Jongin wearing a big grin as well, shaking his head to make droplets of the liquid fly everywhere. “Fashionably late, Oh fucking Sehun.” Jongin curses, and his arm slips out of Kyungsoo’s grasp. Kyungsoo loses Jongin and Sehun in the crowd, and the dancing drunken guests seem to be closing more and more in on him. Kyungsoo falls backwards, slamming his head against wooden panels. He immediately sits up to avoid feet marks on his face, and shields his body with his arms. He feels somebody tug on his arm, and is pulled up. Kyungsoo looks up with wide eyes, suspecting Jongin.
But it isn’t Jongin. It’s a boy that towers over him with a good-looking smile and large eyes. He holds onto Kyungsoo’s wrist and drags him out of the drunken mass, squeezing tighter whenever Kyungsoo struggles to let go. He climbs up the stairs two at a time (Kyungsoo tripping up behind him) and past rows of doors to the second last one. It hangs ajar, and the boy slides them inside, locking the door behind Kyungsoo. Then he throws Kyungsoo onto the bed with not much effort, clambering on top of him. The bed frame creaks underneath their weight, and the metal headboard knocks against the peeling wallpaper. “Who are you? You’re pretty cute.”
“What?” Kyungsoo squirms under the boy’s body, making the stranger hold both of Kyungsoo’s wrists up against the crumpled bed sheets. “Stop! Please! Get off!”
“You came with that bastard Jongin, didn’t you? Do I know you?”
“No, you don’t! I didn’t- I didn’t- I came with Jongin! Please let me go!”
“He must like you if he’s bringing you to parties like this. Would he still like you if I fucked your ass?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, and he starts shaking, tears spilling out of his eyes. His head hurts from falling and a small migraine has begun to spread. “Please don’t! Let go of me! This is rape!” Kyungsoo writhes under the boy’s iron grip, his body wracking with sobs. He feels his shoes being pulled off his feet, and socks being slid down, and his jeans being unbuttoned. “Please stop! I’ll call- I’ll call the police!”
The boy grins, and licks a stripe up from Kyungsoo’s jaw to his eyelids, swallowing his tears. Kyungsoo’s body jerks in disgust, his neck straining to stay away from the boy’s mouth. “With what, hm?” The boy holds his phone above his face, and throws it to the wall next to the bed. Kyungsoo whips his head to watch it shatter against the wall. “Now be a good little boy and tell me your name.”
Kyungsoo shuts his mouth, more tears dripping off his jaw, and suddenly feels the man’s hand wrap around his throat. Kyungsoo’s eyes open in shock, and mostly terror.
“I’m Chanyeol. Now hurry the fuck up and tell me your name, pretty boy.”
Chanyeol’s grip tightens, and Kyungsoo squirms, shaking underneath him. His eyes are getting impossibly wider and his tears seem to be falling out slower, as his breaths turn shallower and less frequent. Suddenly his air pipe is blocked, and air can’t seem to leave or enter his lungs. Kyungsoo’s face turns red, and just as he touches the brink of suffocation, Chanyeol lets go with a manic smile.
“Still don’t want to speak? Should I do it again?” Chanyeol’s fingers drum against Kyungsoo’s throat experimentally, and Kyungsoo flails his arms, reaching up to Chanyeol’s hair to pull on it. He thinks if he pulls hard enough, Chanyeol’s head might pop off. “Tell me now or I might fucking kill you.”
“Kyung-” Chanyeol’s clasp doesn’t stop tightening, and Kyungsoo feels betrayed. He recognizes the feeling of his airpipe slowly shutting. He pulls on Chanyeol hair again in attempts to get him to let go, but Chanyeol doesn’t seem anywhere near complying. “-soo!” Kyungsoo finishes with his voice scraping a throttled whisper. Chanyeol lets go and with a hysteric smile pulls Kyungsoo’s shirt off of him. “Wait! I thought-”
“I’m guessing you’re a virgin?” Chanyeol interjects, and Kyungsoo doesn’t answer. He sobs instead, tears dampening his already wet cheeks. Fear clouds his throat and his fingers don’t stop squeezing Chanyeol’s hair. Chanyeol’s laugh makes him wince; it’s happy but empty- a sharp knife thrown into the abysmal atmosphere. Kyungsoo feels something wet on his stomach; he looks down to see Chanyeol sucking a bruise onto pale skin. He throws his head back to hide the feeling and the repulsive view, as his stomach lurches.
Suddenly there’s banging on the door. Chanyeol sits up, licking his lips, and Kyungsoo listens closer to hear yells.
“Park Chanyeol! know you’re in there! If you lay even a fucking finger on Kyungsoo I will shove my fist into your face and won’t hesitate to kill your pathetic ass!”
Kyungsoo could recognize that voice anywhere. He twists and yells against Chanyeol’s mouth. “Jongin! It’s me! It’s me!”
Chanyeol slaps Kyungsoo’s cheek, watching pink bloom across pale skin, and Kyungsoo shuts up. He hears more banging against the door, then quiet undertones as the door knob repeatedly twists. Chanyeol looks back down at Kyungsoo and a frenzied smile brandishes his face. “Guess we can’t take it slow and steady. Scream if it hurts, Kyungsoo; I want that fucktard Jongin to hear.”
Kyungsoo screams immediately, his hands flying to dig into Chanyeol’s rib cage as his legs are pulled up. Just as the loud zip of Chanyeol’s jeans fills the air, the door flies open. Chanyeol’s grip loosens and Kyungsoo immediately curls into a protective ball, hiding his naked body. He sees Jongin drag Chanyeol by the collar of his shirt, and throw him against a wall. Chanyeol catches Kyungsoo’s eye, and with a bloody smile zips his jeans back up and runs out, only to be stopped by Sehun and a shorter boy with dead black hair. They take turns bringing fists to his face. Kyungsoo feels arms around his body and flinches, only to see Jongin’s soft smile.
“I’m so sorry, hyung.” Jongin whispers, pulling him to his chest. He holds Kyungsoo’s head in one arm, leaning down to inspect for any bruises. Seeing the soft impact Chanyeol’s hand made on Kyungsoo’s cheek, he shuts his eyes tightly as regret swirls in his stomach. Kyungsoo instead presses his face into his chest, and tears dampen his t-shirt. After a while he looks up, wet eyelashes fluttering against Jongin’s collarbone. “Please forgive me for leaving you. I should’ve known that dick would’ve done something.” Jongin says instantly, shutting his eyes again in remorse. He hides his face in Kyungsoo’s hair and begins swearing. Kyungsoo lifts his hand up to curl it around Jongin’s bicep.
“It’s okay.” Kyungsoo’s mouth turns into an innocent heart as he smiles, and Jongin wipes his eyes. Kyungsoo feels wet droplets fall onto his forehead anyway. “You saved me. I owe you.”
Kyungsoo shuts his eyes, fingers clutching Jongin’s shirt for dear life, as sleep lures him; he eventually falls into its trap. And somehow, between vivid dreams and nightmares too minor to remember, he feels Jongin’s lips against his forehead and tears falling continuously onto his skin.
+
Kyungsoo and Jongin interlock arms as they walk through the hallways of Kyungsoo’s apartment. Kyungsoo leans his head on Jongin’s shoulder and hums softly. They both reach Kyungsoo’s door and just as Kyungsoo unlocks it, Kyungsoo’s neighbour stumbles out. Jongin turns around and sees the neighbour, a girl with long brown hair, trip over her own feet with piles of equipment towering over her. She barely manages to lock the door, and when she does a textbook falls onto the floor. Jongin crouches down to pick it up for her, and she thanks him with a quick smile.
“That’s my neighbour.” Kyungsoo states, shaking the doorknob.
“Didn’t see her face at all, so-”
They both fall into the apartment as the door unlocks. Jongin laughs, catching Kyungsoo before he falls onto the floor. They part, and Jongin scratches the back of his neck.
“Kyungsoo...maybe...can I be your boyfriend?”
It’s halfway through autumn now, and the temperature is getting cooler and cooler. Kyungsoo, being someone who cannot stand any temperature lower than 25 degrees Celsius, tugs his extra thick red gloves off of his hands and hops on one foot to pull off his boots. He raises an eyebrow and Jongin adds a quiet hyung as he leans against yellow, fading wallpaper with one leg propped up on the wall as if he were in an embarrassing teenage cheesy romance movie. Kyungsoo looks up again whilst trying to rid his left boot, but ends up falling backwards. He hits his head on the wallpaper and feels his eyes water as Jongin hurries to his knees to help Kyungsoo. “Ouch. That hurt.”
“You seriously are the clumsiest person I know, hyung.” He pulls Kyungsoo up to his feet with a smile and doesn’t let go. Kyungsoo looks up in confusion. “But- maybe that’s why I like you. Do you like me?” Kyungsoo laughs, and a puff of air escapes his lips. Jongin tries again, desperation seething at Kyungsoo’s obliviousness.
“Of course I do Jongin. That’s why you’re in my ugly apartment. And we’re pretty much best friends now, aren’t we?” Kyungsoo tries pulling his hand away, but Jongin’s grip doesn’t falter.
“Yeah, we are best friends. But I mean… do you like me as a man? As a boyfriend maybe?”
Kyungsoo’s lips part and the puffs of air escaping his lips fall out faster. His cheeks tint a shade of pink as he feels Jongin’s grasp on his hands tighten in desperation. “I-I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean- I mean-” Jongin stammers, and lets go, leaning back on the yellow wall. He shuts his eyes in frustration, and ruffling his chestnut hair with his chest holding anxiety. “I like you and think you’re really cute and I think maybe we could go out or something like that if you were okay with it which you probably won’t be because I don’t even know if you’re gay or not-” Jongin lets out in one whole breath, his face still hidden.
“Yes.”
“What?” Jongin lowers his arm to retaliate, and his eyes widen in shock. “Seriously?”
Kyungsoo nods, a splitting smile plastered onto his face. He leans forward to hug Jongin, short arms wrapping around his torso as Jongin’s jaw drops in disbelief. At Jongin’s frozen state, Kyungsoo tips his head back to look up and humiliation struggles to crawl its way up his throat. Was that a prank? Jongin doesn’t like me? Did I just embarrass myself? But before he can rip himself off of Jongin, he feels warmth and realizes Jongin is hugging him back, nestling his chin on Kyungsoo’s right shoulder. Kyungsoo lets out a sigh of relief, pressing his face against Jongin’s chest. They stay like that for a while, silent, against fading wallpaper. Kyungsoo can hear his heartbeat; it beats fast, faster than Kyungsoo thought was ever possible.
-
“Hyung, it’s getting even colder outside.”
Jongin whispers, his fingers interlaced with Kyungsoo’s. They walk through orange and red leaves, and Kyungsoo buries his chin in his purple scarf. It is getting even colder now, to the point that Kyungsoo’s begun to wear four layers underneath his winter jacket in autumn. It’s embarrassing, he admits, but Jongin doesn’t seem to care as he throws an arm around his shoulder and pulls him even closer than before, so they’re side by side. And in his defense, in a couple days it’ll be winter. The leaves are starting to dry out and thin, and piles of raked autumn leaves are almost nonexistent now. He leans his head on Jongin’s shoulder, letting out a satisfied sigh. Then he feels Jongin’s hand and body slipping away, and he sees his boyfriend begin to dance.
Jongin drags his legs through leaves with elegance, and his hands cut through the air like blunt knives. Kyungsoo stands still. His lips part as he watches, and sees the dedication radiate off of Jongin’s body like heat. Kyungsoo realizes how much dance must mean to Jongin. He realizes that whenever Jongin slides through leaves or twirls or jumps or pirouettes that dance is Jongin. Jongin is the embodiment of dance, and it’s clear as day whenever someone sees him pounce with music and love coursing through his veins. Kyungsoo walks faster to keep up with Jongin. He watches him dance without music. He thinks how much better it would be with, and opens his mouth without thinking to sing.
Jongin’s movements falter, and he looks over at Kyungsoo with a smirk threatening to break out on his face. Then he returns, stronger and bolder than before, his jumps and a la seconde turns with even more control and command than when he started. And as he begins to dance more fiercely, Kyungsoo sings louder. He sings until he’s belting notes out with raw need and want, his voice gyrating against his throat. He sings louder, and louder and then faster and faster as Jongin mirrors his dynamics and tempo. Until they’re running side by side, (albeit Jongin’s dancing) in a fierce competition of dance against vocals. Kyungsoo runs faster until he slips, and Jongin, with a loud laugh, slips as well so they fall next to each other on soil and red and orange leaves that crunch beneath their bodies.
Kyungsoo feels for Jongin’s hand, and when he finds it he lets out a sigh. They both pant, and sweat slides down Kyungsoo’s face despite the cold weather. He rolls onto his side so he can see Jongin. He traces the slope of his nose, and lips with his eyes and watches Jongin’s eyelashes flutter against bronze cheeks.
“Hyung.” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo watches the air leave his lips. He shifts forward, and before Jongin can say anything, presses his lips against Jongin’s cheek. He sees Jongin’s mouth fall open and grins. “Did- Did you just kiss me? On the cheek?”
Kyungsoo rolls back to his back with a fierce blush, but doesn’t hide the smile breaking out on his face. Jongin lets out another loud laugh, and leans over. He sees eyes in half moons, and pink spreading from his hidden cheeks. Jongin leans down to press a kiss on the tip of Kyungsoo’s pink tinged nose. “Cute. So cute.”
Kyungsoo blushes violently, and covers his face with red gloves. A giddy laugh escapes his lips and Jongin pinches his cheeks with a toothy smile, deep laughter following. “You’re so cute! Oh my gosh hyung!”
“Shut up! I’m not cute!” Kyungsoo’s words come out muffled behind red gloves, and Jongin grins even more. Jongin props himself up on an elbow, wincing as the leaves crunch under it, and uses his other hand to push aside Kyungsoo’s bangs. He leans down to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s forehead, then Kyungsoo’s nose. “What are you doing Jongin?”
“Shh…” Jongin rests his hand on Kyungsoo’s right cheek and leans down to kiss him. At first it’s awkward, because Kyungsoo’s glasses knock Jongin at the bridge of his nose (erupting small giggles from Kyungsoo) so Jongin folds the glasses neatly and tries again, his hand now cupping Kyungsoo’s jaw. He tilts his head for a better angle and sucks softly on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip to let it fall open. He feels Kyungsoo smile in the kiss, and he feels Kyungsoo’s fingers curl into his hair. He also feels them roll over so Kyungsoo is on top, having no fucking clue what he’s doing but doing it anyway, and Jongin grins because even though Kyungsoo’s kissing is a little sloppy it’s worth it. They roll over again, and the crunch of the autumn leaves almost deafens them as Jongin rests both hands either side of Kyungsoo’s head and both knees either side Kyungsoo’s hips to lean down to his lips again. By the time they pull apart, the sun is bleeding orange and purples into the sky and Kyungsoo is laughing, his lips swollen and moist. “What?”
“Nothing.” Kyungsoo’s eyes scrunch up into crescents again and Jongin resists squeezing the smaller boy into his pocket.
“Hyung...you’ll fly with me right? With my dreams?” Jongin asks, and falls onto his side to look at Kyungsoo. He slings an arm over the smaller boy’s chest with a small questioning smile. “When I’m gone, will you still fly with me?”
“Jongin, of course I will. I’ll fly with you until my wings burn.”
-
It’s winter now. Light snow falls out of the sky, draping a sheet of white over the city of Seoul. Kyungsoo feels Jongin squeeze his left hand, and a smile creeps onto his lips. Even though both wear thick gloves, Kyungsoo feels the heat spread through their fingertips. He sees Jongin pull off Kyungsoo’s glove to kiss his knuckles, almost making up for the shiver that wracks through his body at the sudden flash of dropping temperature. “Jongin, put my glove back on!” Kyungsoo hisses nevertheless, the cold seeping through his teeth. Jongin rolls his eyes, and pushes it back on per command. He kisses Kyungsoo’s cheek instead, relishing in the warmth.
“Hyung, why don’t you draw anymore?” Jongin asks, and Kyungsoo hums in thought.
“I only draw when I’m lonely.” He replies with crinkling eyes, and they walk further through the snowy street.
“Kyungsoo hyung, it’s so cold now.” Jongin notes, and Kyungsoo laughs as if to say no kidding, and feels Jongin move his hand to intertwine their fingers. “Can you sing for me again?”
Kyungsoo looks up to his left, his scarf shifting down in the process. “Why?”
Jongin turns away, a blush crawling up his neck. “Just… just because.”
Kyungsoo bites his bottom lip before digging his chin back into his purple scarf. He lets go of Jongin’s hand to pull down his beanie and then pushes his glasses up his nose with his finger. “Okay. But be quiet, and don’t dance away from me, okay?” Jongin laughs, but obeys anyways, taking Kyungsoo’s hand back. At first it’s quiet, and Jongin doubts Kyungsoo, but before Jongin can whine Kyungsoo sings; he sings an unknown lullaby softly, his voice barely audible above the whistling wind. Jongin nudges him with his elbow, and the song grows in volume. Jongin smiles at the soft singing, making no protest when Kyungsoo asks if he should sing another song. So Kyungsoo sings a song he heard by some pop group, who were famous enough to have their ballads play on the local radio.
Jongin thinks how deep and velvety Kyungsoo’s voice is, and how rich it sounds in the winter air. He also thinks how lonely it sounds without bursting movement. When Kyungsoo finishes, he lets out a breath that he doesn’t realize he had been holding and watches the air leave his lips in a visible cloud of smoke. Kyungsoo’s a little astonished how far they’ve walked, because Jongin is now stopping them when they are only a couple steps from his apartment, and places both of his gloved hands on Kyungsoo’s cheeks.
“Your voice is beautiful.” Jongin whispers, and the smoke that leaves his lips clouds Kyungsoo’s line of vision. And as it does, he shuts his eyes because Jongin’s lips are now on his, kissing softly. Jongin curls his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hair and the nape of his neck, bending slightly to almost level their heights. He tilts his head, feeling Kyungsoo take a deep breath when they pull away. Kyungsoo lets out another breath of air, watching it cloud his vision. When it fades, he can’t see Jongin anymore. All he can see are shadows, and street lamps, and a never ending road.
-
Stars blink in the vast emptiness of the dark sky, small specks of bright contrasting with murky blue. Jongin places the blanket down on the concrete, throwing two pillows onto it. He lies down on the thin fabric, feeling the cool and hard surface of the stone, and holds one arm open for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo grins before joining Jongin’s side, rolling to look up at the sky.
“It’s a shame we don’t even see half of the sky here in the city.” Kyungsoo mutters, and Jongin twists his head in question.
“What do you mean?”
“The lights. The city lights drown the natural beauty of the infinite sky. Isn’t it strange how the sky is one whole sheet wrapped around the globe, yet in different places looks immensely different?” Jongin hums, listening as Kyungsoo voices his thoughts out loud. “If I were looking up in a rural area at night, I would see an excellent view of stars- as one blinks out of my vision, a hundred others make up for it.” He lifts an arm to point to one star. “That might be a satellite.” Kyungsoo notes. “When you look at one star, it disappears, and then you see one or two more around it. Isn’t it sad how we have destroyed what’s up there, for luxuries down here?”
“You think about a lot, hyung.” Jongin says, taking in the information. “What happened to my cute Kyungsoo?” At times like this, Jongin almost forgets the inexperienced and innocent hyung half hidden in autumn leaves.
“Har har, Jongin.”
Jongin sits up, leaning over Kyungsoo’s body for his backpack. He unzips it to rummage his right hand inside for something, and brings out a small red box. Kyungsoo doesn’t realise, as his mind is too transfixed on the sky.
“Hyung.” Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo sits up. He opens the box to take out two rings, and hides them in a fist. “I’m not proposing to you- not that I don’t want to- but because I really like you, and I might possibly love you-” Jongin uncurls his fingers to reveal the two rings.
“Promise rings?” Kyungsoo whispers, picking one up to see K.J inscribed on the silver. “I’m guessing yours says D.K? Our initials.”
Jongin nods, and slides the ring onto Kyungsoo’s finger. Kyungsoo does the same for Jongin, and laughs. “You’re so cheesy, Jongin.”
They press their foreheads together and Jongin inhales Kyungsoo’s laughter. He tips his head to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s, tilting a little. He licks Kyungsoo’s bottom lip and feels Kyungsoo moan as it falls open. Kyungsoo slips his hands under Jongin’s shirt, running the pads of his fingers over taut muscles. Jongin holds onto Kyungsoo’s waist; if he presses hard enough he’ll feel the ridges of his ribcage. He lifts Kyungsoo and turns him around to place him on his lap, smiling against Kyungsoo’s lips as Kyungsoo’s legs wrap around his hips. They kiss like that for a while, and Jongin hums because Kyungsoo’s gotten a lot better at kissing and a little less innocent. But he doesn’t mind, as his head hits the pillow and Kyungsoo’s shadowing over him, pulling his shirt off.
Kyungsoo fumbles for Jongin’s jeans, pulling them down. Their lips part and they filter heavy breaths, Jongin’s hands sliding up and down Kyungsoo’s torso. When they’re both naked, Jongin stops Kyungsoo’s eager mouth with pants that make his chest rise and fall theatrically. “S-Stop- hyung, just a month ago you were almost raped. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
Kyungsoo leans his cheek on Jongin’s knee, a small frown blooming. “Right… but I want us to make love.”
“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo averts his gaze, sitting up in embarrassment. “Hey. Hey, hyung, me. Look at only me. Okay?” Jongin lets out a stuttered breath and sits up, cupping Kyungsoo’s jaw in one hand. He leans forward and kisses softly, licking Kyungsoo’s bottom lip open. Kyungsoo presses back and lets out an unintentional moan when Jongin curls long fingers into his hair. “Kyungsoo, if this hurts, we stop. If you change your mind, we stop. I swear to god I will pull out and carry you downstairs if that’s the case; okay?”
Kyungsoo gives a feverish nod as his nails glide across Jongin’s chest. Taking that as consent, Jongin leans over to fish lube out of his bag, anxiety pooling in his chest. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to care as he kisses a trail down Jongin’s neck, nipping bronze skin. Jongin turns them over so he’s on top, trailing his hand downwards.
After a while, Kyungsoo opens one eye. His spectacles are still on his nose, and Jongin sighs at the beauty. “Now.” Kyungsoo begs between moans, his hand gripping Jongin’s wrist, and Jongin nods.
He pushes Kyungsoo’s other leg up and leans down to kiss hastily, licking the inside of Kyungsoo’s mouth with a smile. Kyungsoo’s glasses knock off the bridge of his nose. Jongin thrusts in, slowly, watching as Kyungsoo’s eyes begin to water. “Hyung, does it hurt too much?” Jongin pushes until he reaches the hilt and Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut as a tear escapes. “Hyung!”
“B-Bearable.” Kyungsoo releases quick breaths, his head to the side as a red blush spreads up his neck. After a while of loud breathing, Kyungsoo groans. “Move.” Jongin runs his hands down to Kyungsoo’s waist, squeezing tightly.
Jongin pulls out and thrusts back in, slowly. They exchange languid open mouthed kisses, and somewhere between Kyungsoo lets out a loud moan and arches his back. He curls his hands into Kyungsoo’s, peppering kisses down his neck. God bless prostrates.
Kyungsoo lets out a satisfied breath of air as Jongin presses into him, thrusting slowly but lovingly. Kyungsoo’s glasses are askew on his nose as his mouth falls open, eyes shut in ecstasy.
“You-” Kyungsoo’s eyes snap open in shock. He sits up, confused and very sexually frustrated. All at once, Jongin had snappily pulled out. Now he was stumbling on one foot, trying to pull his jeans back on. Kyungsoo feels like throwing himself off a cliff as he sees Jongin’s erection soften fast- faster than he thought was possible. It isn’t even visible anymore behind thick denim. “What? Jongin!”
“Shut up. And get away from me.” Jongin shakes his head to hide flying tears, hoisting his backpack over one shoulder and he runs, slamming the metal door to the rooftop shut with a bang that makes Kyungsoo jump. Kyungsoo shakes as a sob wrenches his heart, and he pulls his knees to his chest. Tears don’t hesitate to fall, and they slide down his neck as Kyungsoo’s makes no movement to stop them halfway.
Cradling his body, he tries to stand the cold wind passing over his bare skin.
Kyungsoo almost forgets when he decides to leave. He quickly finishes himself, turning his head as to not watch his hand pleasure himself in shame. His tears don’t dry and immediately his eyes begin to water again. You useless piece of garbage. Jongin doesn’t want to make love to you. You’re here masturbating in desperation because your boyfriend, who exchanged promise rings with you, left you halfway. You were that bad, Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo considers finding his sketchbook when he gets back home.
-
After three days of silence from both ends, Kyungsoo settles with sappy romance movies and popcorn to make him feel better. His sketchbook lays near the foot of the bed as Kyungsoo scrambles under his covers, hastily grasping the remote to make the volume louder. The movie starts off simple, and tears Kyungsoo through a ride of emotions. Eventually, the main leads kiss and Kyungsoo begins to tremble, his eyes shaking and warning him of another abundance of tears.
Nails hammer against his sliding door, and Kyungsoo turns the volume up. The rain patters harshly against glass, almost louder than the soft yells Kyungsoo can barely hear.
Soft yells?
Kyungsoo sits up, perking his ears. He pauses the movie and pulls off the blankets to creep to the sliding door. The rain makes the glass blurry, and it takes him a while to notice the shadowy figure standing at the edge of the balcony, drenched in rainwater. Kyungsoo bites back a piercing scream and yanks the curtains closed. He quickly plays the movie back and ignores the constant yells from outside, and the repetitive raps against the sliding door.
His phone begins to vibrate, pinging with constant messages. Kyungsoo dives across his bed for it, thinking of calling the police. He squints to look down at the glare of his phone screen.
Boyfriend<3
yah kyungsoo im outside!!! let me in!!
Boyfriend<3
im drowning out here!
Kyungsoo frowns at Jongin’s caller I.D, opting to change it later. (He also frowns at how informal Jongin is online.) He then remembers the night on Jongin’s rooftop and his heart starts to pound. He throws his phone back and continues watching the movie with red eyes. Don’t let him in. Kyungsoo bites his bottom lip nervously as the raps against the glass falter, until they disappear. Then the phone messages seem to multiply. Don’t. Let. Him. In.
The rain seems to get fiercer. Kyungsoo lets out a long sigh and slides off the bed, pulls back the curtains and unlocks the sliding door. Rain scatters onto the ground, and Kyungsoo feels it on his skin and clothes. Jongin turns around, wrapping his arms around himself. His body is drenched, head to toe, his hair plastered to his scalp and lips trembling in the cold. “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry hyung. I’m so sorry!” He shouts over the thunder and rain.
Kyungsoo lowers his gaze, looking at Jongin’s sodden shoes and heavily soaked jeans. “Good, because I don’t forgive you.” he snaps. Jongin’s eyes droop in melancholy. Kyungsoo lifts his gaze once more to meet Jongin’s eyes, his heart beating violently in his chest at the boy’s gloom.
“Will you ever forgive me?” Jongin begs, taking a step closer. The rain batters down, digging into Jongin’s head and shoulders, sliding down his arms, back and chest. Collecting at his feet. “Please?”
“I don’t think so.” Kyungsoo scowls, stepping back so the breath of wind and the graze of raindrops stop touching him. “So you can leave.”
“I’m on your fucking balcony hyung! I climbed up this building!”
“Aren’t the ladders handy?” Kyungsoo hums, watching Jongin’s bottom lip tremble. Even though it’s raining, he can tell Jongin’s crying. He can see tears slide down his cheeks, dripping off his sharp jaw, never ending. He can tell it apart from the rain. It glows, so bright it’s blinding.
“Hyung!” Jongin yells, but it comes out more of a whine and plea. “You told me-” Jongin takes a gulp of air between his hiccupping sobs, choking on rainwater. “That you would fly with me. You told me you would fly with me until your wings burned!”
“I did, didn’t I?” Kyungsoo squints at Jongin’s figure, barely making it out as the dark starts to thicken under the rain. “We would fly together, and whilst we were flying my wings would falter.” Kyungsoo imagines the pale sky and the vast blue sea beneath them, and the sound of their flapping wings drowning his words. He thinks he’s crying now. His cheeks are wet, but it could be the rain from outside. “Then suddenly flames. Flames, they engulf me, Jongin. They will swallow me up until I am nothing but ashes, dropping into the ocean, whilst you fly higher and higher, and the boy with the burning wings becomes nothing but some stupid memory-”
Before Kyungsoo can finish, Jongin leaps forwards, taking hold of Kyungsoo’s wrist, and yanks him out into the rain. And before Kyungsoo can protest, Jongin places two hands on the sides of Kyungsoo’s face and bends down to kiss him. Kyungsoo struggles against Jongin’s tight hold, until he surrenders and falls limp, lips moving slowly against Jongin’s. The rain scoops into their shoulders, their backs, and their scalps. Kyungsoo’s fingers curl into a fist by his sides, his neck straining. He tastes Jongin’s tears. Jongin slides one hand down to Kyungsoo’s neck, the other going behind his ear to loop into Kyungsoo’s hair. He tilts Kyungsoo’s head back to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s bare neck, bronze against white. Kyungsoo’s lips fall open, and raindrops fall into his mouth. “Jongin.”
Jongin pulls back, tears still slipping down his face. “Will you ever forgive me?” He asks again.
“I need you to explain.” Kyungsoo murmurs, and despite the roar of the rain, and the crack of thunder, Jongin hears and nods, bending down to kiss Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Now. Then I’ll forgive you.”
“Hyung, it’s late. I’ll explain tomorrow. You forgive me right?”
“Yes…” Kyungsoo’s mutters. “But, you promise?” Kyungsoo looks up with doe eyes, and Jongin’s heart melts into a puddle.
“Can I stay over?” Jongin replies instead.
Kyungsoo frowns, looking back at the dry glory of his apartment. “We’re both soaked. And I think we’ll both get a cold tomorrow. Jongin, you kissed me in the rain.”
“I’m romantic, right? Dream boyfriend?” Jongin winks, and pulls Kyungsoo closer by his wrists. “I love you.”
Kyungsoo looks up, eyebrows raised in question. Jongin nods once. “I love you. I love you I love you I fucking love you.”
Kyungsoo shuts his eyes and blushes at the words, a small smile beckoning his lips. “You love me too, right?”
“Yeah, Jongin.”
“Say it.”
“Out loud?” Kyungsoo scoffs. “Childish.”
“Please.” Jongin’s playful tone drops into desperation all of the sudden, making Kyungsoo’s eyes snap open. He sees Jongin’s eyes sag, his shoulders sink.
Kyungsoo’s frown returns at Jongin’s hurriedness. “I…love you.” Kyungsoo kisses Jongin on the nose whilst standing on his tippy toes. “I love you so much.”
He reaches up to slide his thumbs against Jongin’s cheeks, wiping away the glowing tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much, hyung.”
Kyungsoo never gets an explanation.
-
The sun screams mercilessly down on Seoul, inducing sweaty and sticky bodies that roam the waterpark half naked despite jumping out of a pool only a couple minutes before. Kyungsoo stumbles, feeling the slippery plastic slide smoothly under the soles of his feet. Jongin lets out a laugh, catching Kyungsoo, before sitting him down on the plastic donut float. “Let’s go together. I’ll hold you tight, okay?” Kyungsoo shakes his head, but is lifted by the waist anyway to be placed back down between Jongin’s legs. “You good?”
“No. I am not good. I am scared.” Kyungsoo whispers with quaking teeth. Jongin only laughs in response, turning Kyungsoo’s head to kiss his cheek. “Stop! I’m about to die!”
“No, you aren’t.” Kyungsoo shuts his eyes tightly as Jongin pushes off, feeling the wind rush past them. The slide’s slope is steep, and has mild curves. Jongin laughs loudly in his left ear, shouting open your eyes. Kyungsoo hesitantly does, and is greeted with tropical greenery and bright azure skies. He almost forgets to scream. Suddenly, the landscape around them becomes a long dizzying blur as the soft curves turn into sharp swerves. They enter a tunnel, where Jongin’s laughter and Kyungsoo’s screams echo, and are finally thrown onto a pool. The brightness flares slowly and Kyungsoo has to continuously blink to get the sting of chlorine water out of his eyes.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Jongin yells over the roar of water from other attractions. Kyungsoo shakes his head stubbornly, and the droplets of water fly everywhere. Jongin ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair with a smile and climbs up the stairs inside the pool. Kyungsoo follows suit, almost slipping in the dazed sensation he’s still feeling. “Hyung? Come on!”
Kyungsoo grasps the metal pole for leverage as he hoists himself out of the pool, feeling the water almost drag his clothes down. It had been a big mistake to buy an extra large souvenir shirt to hide his upper body, but he guesses he deserves it for forgetting his rash vest. Of course, he’ll never know why Jongin had been so persistent of getting Kyungsoo a shirt to hide his body. The memory clouds his mind. Lost in his thoughts, he jumps when he feels Jongin’s fingers around his wrist and looks up.
“Me.” Jongin grins, pulling Kyungsoo up to stability. “Hold on to me, not a lump of metal.”
A small blush colors Kyungsoo’s pale cheeks as Jongin throws a blue towel around his shoulders before squeezing him into a warm hug. He reaches down to intertwine their fingers, and presses wet lips against a cold, wet cheek. “So cold. So cold.” Kyungsoo shivers, pushing his shoulders together in efforts of warming himself up. He tightens the towel around his body and listens to his teeth chattering. “Why exactly did we come to a waterpark again?”
“It’s a date, Kyungsoo.” Jongin bites his lip to stifle a laugh. “Hyung.” He adds for good measure, making Kyungsoo lift an eyebrow. “Can we drop honorifics?”
Kyungsoo lets out a long, harsh laugh, making Jongin flinch and recoil his arm. “Nope.”
“Why! Hyung, please!” Jongin pleads, and Kyungsoo laughs. He shakes his head with an air of tenacious certainty, making Jongin huff and fold his arms. “Loser.” They walk past a few more attractions, heading for the lazy river that circled the entire theme park. Kyungsoo still stares dumbfounded at the tropical greenery despite it being artificial; the banana leaves that drooped over their heads, some lining the park as they grazed the water surface, and the tall coconut trees that held ripe plastic coconuts far above reach. Kyungsoo lifts his gaze to the blue sky, relishing the cloudless and sunny day they had been granted. He loves summer.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Kyungsoo remembers what Jongin had last said. “Hey!” Kyungsoo yells, only for Jongin to stick his tongue out playfully.
They reach the river, which happens to be more like a winding, skinny pool, and Jongin throws a double donut float onto the water. It lands with a muted pop and Jongin hastily climbs on, almost flipping the buoyant object in the process. He waves his hand out for Kyungsoo to hold, and helps the other get on. Once they’re both successfully on (with Kyungsoo gripping Jongin’s hand tightly) Jongin pushes off with his foot against a wall and the gushing water carries them away. Kyungsoo leans back and sighs, basking in the rare sunlight that slips through deep green leaves and towering trunks. Jongin leans over to plant a kiss on his nose, releasing an annoyed humph.
“It’s nice and calm here.” Jongin notes. They can both only hear the sound of running water and the occasional yell. “Isn’t it, hyung?” Kyungsoo replies with a dismissing hum, stretching his arms out to place them behind his head. Jongin sticks his tongue out again to tease Kyungsoo’s half asleep manner and begins to shake the float. It almost tips over, making Kyungsoo scream his head off. “Finally, you’re awake. Now kiss me.”
Kyungsoo glares at Jongin before shifting to reach his lips. As they are carried under a tunnel, Jongin lifts his hand to cup Kyungsoo’s jaw, and tilts his own head with a small smile. Jongin pulls back for a deep breath, and as Kyungsoo leans forward expectantly the float does tip over, sending both of them under. Underwater Jongin watches Kyungsoo open his eyes wide as he stretches his arms out to propel himself closer. They connect lips momentarily before bursting through the surface. They somehow swam through the tunnel, leaving the float abandoned. The sun blinds them, and Kyungsoo feels his eyes water from the chlorine. Yet as Jongin laughs again, Kyungsoo can’t help but think how beautiful he looks with his wet hair plastered to his forehead and his bronze skin glowing in the sunlight.
What do they call this feeling again?
-
Kyungsoo runs across the street, wincing as the cars honk and drivers give off murderous stares. He adjusts his glasses and straightens his clothes before walking into the coffee shop. The table adjacent to the ceiling high window is empty; with a small smile he walks over and takes a seat, hanging his bag on the chair. Kyungsoo reminisces the first day of autumn. He remembers seeing Jongin with his gold eyes and chestnut hair, and his splitting smile that shone infinitely. Kyungsoo drums his fingers on the tabletop as he waits for said man.
The doorbell rings and Jongin walks in, wielding a dark brown coat with the collar pulled up. “Jongin-ah! Why did you call me here today?”
Jongin smiles but his eyes are emotionless, sitting down opposite Kyungsoo. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers together. “Hyung…” Kyungsoo leans forward to kiss Jongin, but Jongin flicks his head away. Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrow in confusion.
“Are we going on another date or something?” Kyungsoo inquires, tilting his head. Jongin averts his gaze, pulling his hand out of Kyungsoo’s, and clenches his fists. “Jongin?”
“Hyung.” Jongin looks up with glassy eyes. Kyungsoo frowns, and the mood immediately drops to somber. Jongin buries his face in his hands before continuing. “I...We need to break up.”
Kyungsoo feels his heart fall open at the words. He feels the seams split and his feelings burn in the air, clear and pure in front of Jongin. He feels his eyes sting as tears gather in the corners; he feels the edges of his vision begin to blur. “Jongin? Are you...are you joking?” Kyungsoo reaches out for Jongin’s hands but Jongin rips his hold away. “I’ll fly with you!” Kyungsoo hastily adds, panic rising in his throat. “Until- until my wings-”
“No hyung..” Jongin grips the edge of the table until his knuckles turn white. “We need to break up.”
Kyungsoo watches as Jongin stands up, his chair tipping backwards. At the loud noise, Jongin escapes, his coat whipping as he leaves the coffee shop with the tinkling doorbell. Kyungsoo watches Jongin take brisk steps across the street through the window. He watches his body fade in the crowd. Kyungsoo feels tears fall endlessly out of him; he feels his chest hurt as memories of Jongin cloud his mind. Jongin’s dark, dark eyes and dark, dark hair with bright leaves and dark, dark beginnings of a smile
Kyungsoo can’t lose him.
Part 2