(for wonderstruckxxx) of fragile hearts and the music we make ✸ part 1 of 2
❊ for: wonderstruckxxx
❊ title: of fragile hearts and the music we make
❊ pairings: kai/d.o, minor!chanyeol/baekhyun
❊ rating: nc17
❊ warnings: slight angst (also slight gibberish)
❊ word count: 13,136
❊ summary: Music speaks louder.
❊ a/n: Hi there! Hope you enjoy and feel the music within your soul <3
Love lots to Recipient and LR <3
Kyungsoo opens his eyes to the emptiness of the ceiling.
It isn’t the sunlight peeking through the glass window or the cool wind biting at his naked body that wakes him, but the faint sound of the shower running in the bathroom. When Kyungsoo is fully accustomed to his surroundings and the shower has been turned off, he moves to sit at the edge of the bed, listening to the sudden silence of the room with the bathroom’s door left open and the sink and mirror within his view.
Minutes after a tall man appears with a back turned to him, blocking his view of the bathroom. He dries his platinum blonde hair with a towel in his hand while another towel rests around the lower half of his body leaving him bare from waist up.
The man turns around to catch Kyungsoo watching him. He pauses, and the smaller gazes expectantly as the blonde walks towards him with a small smile. The room is dim with the tiniest gleam of light from outside, but Kyungsoo takes in the features of the man’s face and the curves of his slim body inch by inch like it’s the last time that he is going to see him. He also watches him collect the pile of clothes that are left on the ground, most of them being from last night’s affair which is now nothing but a newly kept memory.
And just like all the other endings inside Kyungsoo’s bedroom, he can’t help but wait for what’s about to come.
“Did you have a good sleep?” The deep voice asks as he stops in front of him.
Kyungsoo answers with a short nod, then braces himself for the words about to spill out from the taller man’s mouth.
There’s a few seconds of awkward silence in the air, but a hand comes up to gently touch the side of the smaller person’s face and Kyungsoo lets him; Kyungsoo lets him do whatever he wants because he knows that this will be over soon, and that this is nothing else but the beginning of another ending.
“You know, I had a really good time last night, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol tells him, his tone friendly and almost apologetic. “But I’m going to have to dress up and go. I hope you understand.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know if he will ever see him again, but the taller bends down to leave a short kiss to his head. Once he’s dressed, Kyungsoo says nothing else when he walks away and shuts the door of his bedroom.
Kyungsoo doesn’t cry, nor does he feel any hint of loneliness. Instead, he reaches out for the small notebook already prepared on his desk to write with an urgency of lyrics about a bittersweet evening flowing through him.
~
“So, how was Park Chanyeol? I heard you hooked up with him last night.”
Today is Kyungsoo’s day off, the day of the week in which he leaves no room for schedules or side activities and instead dedicates it to his writing sessions and song compositions. It's a little past lunch time, but Kyungsoo makes himself a coffee with the sound of Baekhyun’s voice on speaker mode, reverberating through the other line of his phone on top of the kitchen counter.
“He was okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo repeats as if Baekhyun didn’t hear him. “He was okay.”
“You and I both know that you can do better than just okay,” Baekhyun counters. “Let me ask you the same question, but in a language that you know better, eh? Tell me, Kyungsoo, what does he sound like?”
If there is anyone who knows about heartbreak a little more than anyone else, Do Kyungsoo is the person to go to. The rest of South Korea seems to agree with this, because nowadays when the radio is turned on and cars are stuck in a traffic jam, people are listening to Kyungsoo’s In the Lonely Hour album.
Kyungsoo is the type of singer that never runs out of stories to tell and music to create. When people keep their precious memories in photographs, Kyungsoo turns these conquests into three minute ballads and sensational pop songs.
And what topic could be any more familiar and riveting than love and its distress.
Kyungsoo has experienced a lot of relationships and breakups in his life, some even being more drastic than others. But out of all of his experiences in life, one thing is for sure: There is never a love that Do Kyungsoo doesn’t sing about.
He’s promised himself to stop looking for love, completely removing dates and relationships from his priorities. But even so, he is always ready to look for a story to tell and a song to sing.
And today, Kyungsoo talks to Baekhyun about his latest song.
“Chanyeol sounds like another ballad. His voice is a deep baritone; a rich tone full of good intentions but with broken promises. He has the carefree spirit of an acoustic track but is accompanied by some soft piano, like the gentleness of his touch. His music is a pleading soul, similar to the kind of sound that you hear at gospels. Chanyeol is a combination of highs and lows, but a lovely resonance throughout the whole track.”
“Ballads are your specialty, after all. How far have you gone with the lyrics?”
“It’s one big conflict between feeling needy for something more than just the physical touch, and also being fully aware that a one night stand isn’t love.”
“A ‘one night stand’, huh? Does that mean-“
“I’ve just finished the lyrics this morning.”
“How about a title? Anything in mind yet?”
“... Stay With Me.”
“Brilliant!” Baekhyun screams through the phone. “He sounds wonderful. But geez, Soo. Was Park Chanyeol that great in bed?”
Kyungsoo is sure Baekhyun doesn’t see him, but he makes sure to roll his eyes.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
“Maybe I will,” Baekhyun teases. “So, now that you’re done writing your new song, how about you spend a little time with your best friend a.k.a. me tonight?”
“This is supposed to be my writing day, remember?” Kyungsoo complains in a pout. The idea of breaking his routine sounds unpleasant to the singer, but if there is one person he trusts in this world of lonely hearts, it’s Byun Baekhyun. “What is it that you want now?”
“Well, it’s actually not what I want. You see, I met someone.”
Kyungsoo brings his coffee to the counter, then takes a seat on the stool to listen attentively to his best friend. “Oh?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Sure,” he says, trying not to sound sarcastic. “At least that’s what everyone says, right?”
“Right, but this is different. Anyway, his name is Kim Jongin, and he’s a ballet dancer. Heard of him?”
Kyungsoo places the mug to his lips and tastes the strong espresso, thinking about the possible instances that he's come across that familiar name.
“I guess the name does ring a bell.”
“Well, it should. He'd be very disappointed if you have no clue as to who he was.”
Kyungsoo scoffs. “I highly doubt that. Why would he be?”
“Don’t be too sure of yourself, Kyungsoo. The last time me and that dancer spoke, he seemed to be quite interested in you.”
“Really now?” Kyungsoo asks, still unconvinced.
“Yes. In fact, he… asked if he could meet you tonight.”
Kyungsoo leaves the mug on the table and can only glower at his phone as if it’s the caller’s face he’s looking at.
“Baekhyun. Don’t tell me you’re actually going to set me up with this Jongin.”
“I don’t see why not.” Baekhyun answers nonchalantly. “He gave us complimentary tickets to his dance recital for tonight. Come on, Kyungsoo, I bet it’ll be fun! Don’t you fancy these type of things?”
“Not when my manager and supposed-to-be best friend is trying to set me up with a dancer!” Kyungsoo groans. “I’m not going.”
Baekhyun sighs over the phone.
“Look, I know you try not to go out on dates and get into serious relationships anymore, and it’s fine. We don’t have to meet Jongin if you don’t want to, but can we at least just have fun and watch the show? It is complimentary tickets.”
Kyungsoo brings the mug to his mouth again and takes a longer sip. He thinks Baekhyun does have a point, and it might not be a bad idea to get some inspiration somewhere else other than an empty house.
Now it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to sigh. “Okay, fine.”
“Fine what?”
“Fine,” Kyungsoo says. “We’ll go.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Baekhyun says, laughing in the background. “Dress nice, and I’ll see you later!”
Baekhyun hangs up while Kyungsoo finishes his coffee and makes a mental note to bring a ballpen just in case.
~~
When Kyungsoo thinks of ballet, he is instantly reminded of the sound of The Nutcracker and Swan Lake, just a few of the timeless music that he’s listened to since he was a child. He assumes that the show will mostly compose of classical songs and string quartet, so he doesn’t expect too much of anything different.
Baekhyun excitedly drags Kyungsoo with him inside the theatre, making their way to the front of the stage and greeting guests with ninety degree bows along the way. When they take the middle seats on the second row, Kyungsoo starts to feel uncomfortable.
“Is this really our seat?” Kyungsoo whispers. “Don’t you think we’re a little too close?”
“It was Jongin’s suggestion,” Baekhyun answers. “He said it’s the perfect spot.”
“Are you sure he’s not your type? You seem to be ecstatic to see him.”
“I told you, Kyungsoo. The reason why we’re here is because of the dancer’s own request. He’s the ecstatic one, while I’m only doing what I think is proper.”
“Oh, you mean sell your artist to some stranger?” Kyungsoo mocks.
“He isn’t exactly a stranger,” Baekhyun defends. “He’s a national artist, for your information. He’s just like you. I honestly think you two will get along.”
Kyungsoo raises a brow at the other. “And in what aspect are you talking about, Baekhyun?”
He turns to meet his eyes and grins mischievously.
“In terms of music.”
Before Kyungsoo can say anything else, the lights shut off and the curtains open. It’s dark except for the spotlight on the center of the stage and a man’s silhouette. When the music starts to play, there’s a loud applause that surrounds the theatre with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo following their lead.
“That’s him,” Baekhyun quickly says as he points to the man onstage. Kyungsoo nods silently to him in response and says nothing, not even when his heart skips a beat.
Kyungsoo hears the familiar piece of Claire de Lune playing in the background, but Kyungsoo doesn’t pay attention. Listening is an entirely different thing, because it’s not the song that Kyungsoo focuses on, but the ballet dancer they called Kim Jongin, and his refined dancing that somewhat keeps him in a trance.
There’s something special about the way Jongin’s body moves so elegantly, his graceful limbs that stretch wide but hold enough control. Kyungsoo almost thinks it’s not the music that the dancer is dancing to, but Jongin leading the melody with his feet.
Kyungsoo doesn’t know much about ballet or any other dance, but he knows what separates this dancer from the rest: passion.
“You know,” Baekhyun speaks softly next to him. “Now that I think about it, more than my type, I think he might be yours.”
He receives a hard punch to his ribs, but a small smile appears on the singer’s face.
Kim Jongin definitely has passion, and Kyungsoo thinks that he may just be right.
The show lasts for an hour and a half. Baekhyun thinks the duration time seems short for a dance recital, but Kyungsoo disagrees and says it’s enough-long enough to leave Kyungsoo unable to move from his seat, especially from that last performance where Jongin demonstrates his dancing in the water, lying on the square puddle doing body waves that wash over Kyungsoo like an uncontrollable tsunami.
There’s also that part in the show where he thinks Jongin finally sees him, his own curious eyes meeting briefly with intense eyes that stare back at him. He doesn’t know if he remembers it right, but the thought has him smiling to himself with a faint blush suddenly appearing on his cheeks.
“Are you okay?”
It’s Baekhyun’s voice and a slight nudge on his arm that takes Kyungsoo back to reality. He remains in his seat with people slowly leaving the theater and the other standing next to him.
“Yes.” Kyungsoo answers shortly, not wanting to get caught thinking about the dancer who isn’t supposed to invade his thoughts. “I think.”
“We should get going then.” He says and starts to walk away.
The singer follows quietly behind him, but as soon as they exit the theatre, something inside him stops.
Kyungsoo doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s considering of changing his mind.
Baekhyun turns around to see him staring at his feet.
“Kyungsoo?”
He shyly looks up at his manager and swallows his pride.
“Baekhyun,” He starts, “Do you think meeting Kim Jongin is still a possibility? I mean, it’d be rude not to thank him for the complimentary tickets, right?”
Baekhyun pauses, staring questioningly at the singer and trying to muffle his laughter.
He breaks into a smile, one that’s knowing and not-so-innocent.
“Looks like someone enjoyed the show more than he thought he would.”
“Shut up.”
“I knew this was going to happen.”
“It’s not a big deal, I just want to meet him-“
“That’s not what you said when I first asked you if we could see the show. You-“
“Alright!” Kyungsoo shushes him with a finger to his lips. “I get it. You win, Baekhyun. Can we please just meet the dancer and get this over with?”
Baekhyun gives him one last grin before making a phone call, informing the receiver that they are on their way to see Kim Jongin, the name causing Kyungsoo to swallow hard and his heart beating twice as fast.
~
When Kyungsoo and Baekhyun take a path around the theatre and enter backstage, the singer makes sure to give his best friend another punch before entering the white walls of the dressing rooms when he whispers I feel a song coming up.
They stand in front of one that has Kim Jongin printed at the center.
Baekhyun knocks twice before they hear a voice call from behind: a soft and deep ’come in’ resonating from inside, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know why his heart is pounding hard from his chest.
Baekhyun opens the door to peek in while Kyungsoo stands nervously behind him with sweaty hands.
“You can follow right after I come in, okay?” Baekhyun informs. Kyungsoo nods and watches the other enter the room and disappear from his sight. The door is left open enough for Kyungsoo to sneak a glance at strawberry faded hair, but he’s reconsidering his thoughts because Kyungsoo’s not ready for this, not ready for the possibility of risking his heart again.
But who says his heart is at risk?
It won’t hurt to meet the dancer just once in his life.
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath before slowly entering the dressing room, stepping in while the people inside continue to talk jokingly. He sees Baekhyun’s back turned to him deep in conversation with another man, taller and with a complexion darker than his, a golden brown that stands out from where he stands.
He can’t see his face, but he can already feel eyes searching for him as if they’ve been waiting for the singer.
Baekhyun suddenly turns Kyungsoo’s way and beams.
“Oh, there he is! Kyungsoo, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
Baekhyun steps aside to reveal him, the eyes that gaze back at him with an intensity so strong, so overwhelming, and so captivating.
There’s a hint of a smile in Jongin’s thick lips, and Kyungsoo has to control himself from staring too much. He takes a step forward, the height difference already evident when he looks down at him, with chocolate brown orbs never leaving his. Kyungsoo stands only inches apart from broad shoulders and a well-built figure that’s still a bit drenched from his last performance, his white see through polo and black leather pants clinging tightly to his body.
The singer is distracted for a moment before Jongin offers a hand out to him, another smile appearing on his face with glowing eyes.
“Do Kyungsoo, It’s finally nice to meet you.”
There’s a certain tone to Kim Jongin’s voice that makes Kyungsoo lose his breath, a certain ‘hello’ that sounds just like ‘come here’.
He slowly reaches out for his hand and gasps when Jongin already has a hand on his, the texture of his rough palm smoothing over his own in a gentle handshake. His hand is cold, but Kyungsoo feels a sudden warmth spread over him like wildfire.
“Likewise,” He breathes, realizing that he’s been holding his breath for the longest time and mentally slaps himself for sounding ridiculous in front of him.
There’s a brief silence that fills the atmosphere, one with less words and more staring into each other’s eyes, as if it was just the two of them inside the intimacy of the dressing room.
As much as Baekhyun enjoys the sight, he feels a bit uncomfortable from the slow-burning tension that builds and clears his throat.
“So, Kyungsoo. Jongin’s been telling me how he's a big fan of your songs. Isn’t that right, Jongin?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the slight movement of Jongin’s eyes that move past his own, travelling to his lips and staying there.
“I’m a huge fan, yes. But more so a huge fan of you.”
The singer doesn’t know what to make of Jongin’s words. He doesn’t have a clue as to what his motives are at this point-whether the dancer was trying to sweep him off his feet or wanting to get into his pants.
Kyungsoo thinks that whatever it is, it’s working. Again.
“Well, thank you. Your performance was quite amazing tonight as well.”
A small smile forms in the beautiful man’s face and a faint blush stains his own cheeks.
“So, now that introductions are over,” Baekhyun brings a hand to Jongin’s shoulder to give him a light squeeze. “I guess I’ll leave you two at it.“
“Wait, what?” Kyungsoo asks frantically as he watches the other walk past him and make his way to the dressing room’s door.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” Baekhyun apologizes, “I forgot to tell you that I have somewhere to attend to right now, and that I’m going to have to leave you here with Jongin.”
Baekhyun flashes him a smug smile, and Kyungsoo glares at him because he knows he’s anything but sorry.
He sends Kyungsoo a wink before walking out and leaves with, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite. At least not yet.”
When Baekhyun shuts the door, Kyungsoo turns back to see Jongin still staring at him with a glint in his eyes that wasn’t there before, an awkward and crooked smile tugging upward from his lips.
Kyungsoo’s going to have to deal with Baekhyun some other time.
The dancer steps out in a plain white t-shirt, denim skinny jeans and a black cap over his cotton candy locks when the singer waits outside the dressing room. They exchange brief glances, and Kyungsoo expects the dancer to take him out for a drink or two, maybe even invite him to his place.
The singer’s experience with other men plays a great influence to his thoughts and permits him to look past these encounters, but Kyungsoo finds out that Jongin may not be like other men.
“Let’s get you home, shall we?” He asks, a friendly grin plastered on his face.
Kyungsoo nods, returning an equally enthusiastic smile before walking out the building together with the thought that this may not be so bad after all.
The dancer discovers that Kyungsoo lives a few walks away from the theatre, coincidentally at a house blocks away from his own apartment. They walk next to each other, taking slow steps and engaging in small talk that’s mostly composed of random things such as the weather and the last movie that they both have seen.
Their conversation is cut short when they enter the singer’s village and reach his front porch faster than expected. They stand in front of the main door, and when Kyungsoo looks up he is once again enchanted at eyes that bore intensely into his own.
It’s quiet, and Kyungsoo suddenly finds it hard to speak.
Before Kyungsoo can say anything else, the dancer already beats him to it.
“Hey,” Jongin starts, “Things didn’t really turn out the way I wanted it to be. I was going to take you out to dinner after the recital, but things felt unnatural and everything just turned into a really awkward setup, and I don't want to force you to go out with me. But anyway, I was thinking…” He clears his throat, “Maybe I could make it up to you next time? I’d really like to see you again.”
Kyungsoo knows he can say no if he wanted to, but Kyungsoo thinks there’s something special about Jongin, so he smiles and says, “I think I’d like that.”
Kyungsoo turns away for a moment to pull his keys out of his pocket and open the door.
“Thank you for the tickets, by the way,” Kyungsoo says. “It was a really great show-”
When he spins around to face the dancer, he doesn’t expect him to be inches away from his own face, Kyungsoo’s back already pressed against the door while Jongin hovers slightly above him with eyes locked one more time.
Kyungsoo feels his heart race as Jongin’s hand reaches for his and brings it to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on the back of his hand before bringing it back down with a squeeze. He moves back, and the singer can see that Jongin’s smile is different-still charming, but also a little bit of treacherous.
“I’m really glad you came tonight, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo wants to say the same, but instead says nothing and watches Kim Jongin walk away and pirouette into Kyungsoo’s fantasies.
~
On days when Kyungsoo isn’t busy writing music, he is helping out his previous arts college to teach voice lessons or guest at university concerts.
Today Kyungsoo is alone inside the training room to practice for an upcoming acoustic festival. He plans to perform three songs: two of his latest, and a new song that he is yet to create. He doesn’t have any inspiration in mind, so he sits in front of the piano and plays a note with the hopes of discovering a potential song.
One note becomes two, then comes a third note. The notes soon turn into repeated keys playing over and over, until after a while Kyungsoo spontaneously discovers the words,
We were made to love, we were made to love…
Kyungsoo sings words that aren’t familiar to him, the piano following a symphony that flows continuously from random notes being played, on the search for something to sing about-maybe even someone.
The singer doesn’t have to search far, because all too suddenly he hears a man’s voice comment in the background.
“No wonder why I thought I heard something lovely.”
Kyungsoo freezes and his music is put to a halt. Jongin stands a few feet away, arms crossed and body leaning against the room’s door frame. He wears a white shirt matched with black pants and simple sneakers, a smile stretched wide upon his face with eyes staring meticulously at him.
His heartbeat accelerates. The singer didn’t expect to see him just after two days since their first meeting, considering that they haven’t had the chance to exchange numbers.
Kyungsoo didn’t think that he would see Kim Jongin again, even if there was a small part of him that wanted to.
But sometimes life just has to give him things he doesn’t openly wish for, like leave the training room’s door open for the dancer to hear him.
“What… What are you doing here?”
Kyungsoo asks almost defensively, as if he was interrogating Jongin.
The dancer quirks a brow at him in surprise.
“Am I not allowed to be here? Should I just leave?”
Flustered and in mild panic, Kyungsoo tries to take back his words stuttering, “N-no, I just-“
Jongin laughs at the singer as he casually walks towards the piano. “I’m only teasing you, Kyungsoo. Are you working on something right now?”
Kyungsoo watches Jongin stop next to the lid of the grand piano, leaving enough distance for him to see the dancer and the ridiculously charming smirk on his face.
All concentration is lost at this point, with the dancer being only meters away from Kyungsoo and his own little bubble of music notes and scary thoughts. The singer tries to not let Jongin get to him and plays the first note as a test, trying to recall the rest of the keys that he’s previously used for the song he’s about to create.
“Maybe,” Kyungsoo answers. “It’s not really anything yet, although I’ve already started with a couple of notes.”
“Well, it sounds great from outside. Although I’m not surprised, you know… Since it’s you.”
Kyungsoo looks up to Jongin with an elbow propped up on the piano and eyes fixated on him, as if what he just said isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
The singer is powerless over the dancer’s eyes and can’t help but stare back, the eye contact lasting longer than it should.
“Can you sing me something, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks him, his gentle voice echoing in his ear. “I want to hear more from you.”
Kyungsoo pauses, his fingers turning rigid in place without any reason as to why he’s become so nervous.
“What would you like to hear?” Kyungsoo asks.
A mild grin flashes upon Jongin’s face in amusement.
“Whatever you like to say,” he simply says.
He doesn’t know what Jongin means by that, but he continues where he left off and plays the same notes as before, his fingers almost memorizing every key used.
They stay like this for a while inside the training room, with the singer’s music playing in the atmosphere while Jongin watches him in awe and amazement.
Kyungsoo doesn’t realize that maybe he’s looking for the music in the wrong direction, and that maybe he’s bound to look for the song inside Jongin’s eyes.
Jongin decides to stay with Kyungsoo until he finishes, only to end up leaving the school building together. They quickly spot a tiny pub blocks away, and suddenly there’s a brief exchange of awkward glances between the two and a silent invitation hanging in the air before they find themselves stepping inside.
The lights are dim with soft music playing in the background as the pair settles next to each other on stools in front of the bar. The air already smells like a mixture of smoke and sweat, and even if Kyungsoo prefers someplace different for a first date, he doesn’t mind when Jongin orders two glasses of amaretto sours with a hand resting lightly on his kneecap as if he’s securing him in place leaving no escape for the singer.
Kyungsoo doesn’t worry about talking because Jongin immediately engages him in a one sided conversation about the dance classes that he teaches dance lessons in the same arts school that the singer visits and leaves small hints about his other hobbies like how he likes to read manga during his spare time.
Amidst the many voices that crowd and chat away inside the tight space and music playing, the dancer speaks to Kyungsoo with a voice that isn’t impossible to hear, leaning close with his face inches apart from his own.
Jongin chooses to turn the tables around, taking a sip from his half-consumed glass before asking, “So, what does the famous Do Kyungsoo do for fun, aside from writing sad love songs?”
The singer replies with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Nothing more interesting than that. I think I’m a particularly boring person.”
“That doesn’t seem like the Kyungsoo I met days ago,” Jongin counters. “And also not the Kyungsoo I know when I listen to the music he makes.”
He looks at the dancer suspiciously. “Have you been always been curious about my songs?”
“I’m sure everyone has,” Jongin answers casually, “But lately, I’ve been more curious about you.”
Kyungsoo raises a brow at him. “No one’s ever been curious about me. I’ve always thought that I was an open book.”
There’s something unexplainable in Jongin’s eyes when he stares at the smaller.
“I just wonder how even after going through relationships from people who have only taken your heart for granted, you can still leave enough space in your heart for other people to love.”
The singer doesn’t have a response to this. To use the word love is nothing foreign to him-He can’t count the numerous times that he’s used the term in his music and the all-too-many songs that he’s sung.
The thought hits Kyungsoo hard, because he’s not certain if he’s ever truly loved someone, or even knows what the word means.
Kyungsoo answers anyway.
“I don’t think I’ve ever thought about looking for someone to fill the empty space that people have left inside me. Maybe it’s always been about looking for the right person to take my heart and break it.”
Jongin says nothing but smiles. He lifts the glass in front of him, eyes never leaving his when he says, “To the person who will break your heart, and to the right person who will break it.”
Kyungsoo lifts his own glass and clonks their drinks together, unaware of the way the dancer stares longingly at him.
It’s flirty conversations and mixed drinks later when Kyungsoo’s head throbs painfully along to the loud and heavy beat of the music.
Jongin checks on the singer next to him who has a hand lazily trying to lift his face from the table, then shouts loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear.
“Hey, are you alright?” Jongin asks. “Do you want me to take you home?”
Kyungsoo slowly turns to him with a sluggish grin on his face and a giggle that slips from his mouth like hiccups. The dancer takes this as a yes and confirms that from the look of his reddening face, the singer is slightly drunk.
Jongin stands before helping the other get up from his seat and make their way out of the pub with a protective hand on his waist and an arm over his shoulder.
Kyungsoo is sure that he can stand on his own, but his head screams a thousand profanities when he feels Jongin’s fingers rubbing the patch of skin on his waist, securing his arm around him as if he’s dead weight. The night is young and the singer may be drunk, but he isn’t the type of drunk to see beyond the dancer’s subtle stares and hinted touches as they get closer to his front porch, but maybe it’s because he can’t find it in himself to see beyond it.
When they reach his house and take the steps leading to his front door, Kyungsoo is once again leaning back against it with Jongin standing in front of him, a little too close for comfort.
It starts to feel just like their first meeting, except for the hefty tension left in the air and the dancer’s hands resting on both sides of his hips. Jongin leans close until their faces are merely inches apart, his breath smelling like the strong poison he’s consumed, ghosting over the smaller man’s lips and causing him to shiver.
The silence is present once again, along with the presence of something else in the form of unspoken words and thirsty gazes from both the singer and dancer.
There are no thank yous or I’ll see you soons, but Kyungsoo is unaware of how his hands end up clutching tightly to Jongin’s shirt, while fingers dig hard on his own skin as if they are meant to leave marks.
“I should go.” Jongin softly says.
Kyungsoo’s drunkenness quickly wears off while his senses feel very much alive, eyes drifting to the dancer’s lips, wanting to taste the liquor in them.
He tightens his grip on Jongin’s shirt, responding with a whispered ’okay.’
It’s quiet, and Kyungsoo knows it’s easy to just open the door and go inside so Jongin will do the same and walk away.
Only Jongin doesn’t walk away.
And just like all nights, Kyungsoo thinks it’s easier to let the dancer in.
~~
Kyungsoo wakes up alone, with last night’s events crashing down on him like sudden waves in his head.
It’s quiet, but the fragments of last night’s memories are loud in his head. The disappointment of another morning in his empty bed welcomes him, along with the hangover disguised as a shrilling headache. Kyungsoo is used to waking up in the blankness of the room, but it’s the first time in a long time since he’s felt this upset.
Kyungsoo thinks Jongin could have been a game changer in his collection of stories, but like most people that come and go in his life, it turns out the dancer had only stayed long enough for a good fuck and couldn’t even stay the night.
It’s not like he hasn’t waited for this-for Kim Jongin, the famous ballet dancer, to turn into one of his newest songs.
The singer is not in the mood to write, so he decides to put his thoughts aside for later and saves them for his next writing session.
He stands from the bed to grab the first thing he sees off the floor and drape the thin piece of clothing over his head before leaving the room.
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember any of his shirts being a size bigger but is wearing one that easily falls until his knees. Just then, he realizes that it’s the least of his concerns when the familiar smell of coffee wafts through the air and the crackle of something being fried reaches his ear.
When the singer gets to the first floor of his house and passes the living room, he is met with the sight of Jongin’s bare back turned to him, concentrating on the thick slabs of bacon sizzling on the pan in front of him with two plates of sunny side-up eggs and pancakes already waiting for him on top of the dining table across the kitchen.
Kyungsoo is left wide-eyed, still watching in mere shock as the dancer transfers the bacon to a new plate and walks over to the table, finally catching him just when he’s about to return to the kitchen.
As soon as their eyes meet, a smile comes across Jongin’s face-sincere and unpretentious.
”Breakfast?” Jongin asks.
There are no words, only meaningful stares and looks of contentment shared inside the singer’s home and intricate life.
Amidst the confusing noise ringing and inside Kyungsoo’s head, he thinks he can get used to this kind of silence, with Jongin’s presence to keep his heart beating in a crescendo that never ends.
( part 2 )
❊ title: of fragile hearts and the music we make
❊ pairings: kai/d.o, minor!chanyeol/baekhyun
❊ rating: nc17
❊ warnings: slight angst (also slight gibberish)
❊ word count: 13,136
❊ summary: Music speaks louder.
❊ a/n: Hi there! Hope you enjoy and feel the music within your soul <3
Love lots to Recipient and LR <3
Kyungsoo opens his eyes to the emptiness of the ceiling.
It isn’t the sunlight peeking through the glass window or the cool wind biting at his naked body that wakes him, but the faint sound of the shower running in the bathroom. When Kyungsoo is fully accustomed to his surroundings and the shower has been turned off, he moves to sit at the edge of the bed, listening to the sudden silence of the room with the bathroom’s door left open and the sink and mirror within his view.
Minutes after a tall man appears with a back turned to him, blocking his view of the bathroom. He dries his platinum blonde hair with a towel in his hand while another towel rests around the lower half of his body leaving him bare from waist up.
The man turns around to catch Kyungsoo watching him. He pauses, and the smaller gazes expectantly as the blonde walks towards him with a small smile. The room is dim with the tiniest gleam of light from outside, but Kyungsoo takes in the features of the man’s face and the curves of his slim body inch by inch like it’s the last time that he is going to see him. He also watches him collect the pile of clothes that are left on the ground, most of them being from last night’s affair which is now nothing but a newly kept memory.
And just like all the other endings inside Kyungsoo’s bedroom, he can’t help but wait for what’s about to come.
“Did you have a good sleep?” The deep voice asks as he stops in front of him.
Kyungsoo answers with a short nod, then braces himself for the words about to spill out from the taller man’s mouth.
There’s a few seconds of awkward silence in the air, but a hand comes up to gently touch the side of the smaller person’s face and Kyungsoo lets him; Kyungsoo lets him do whatever he wants because he knows that this will be over soon, and that this is nothing else but the beginning of another ending.
“You know, I had a really good time last night, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol tells him, his tone friendly and almost apologetic. “But I’m going to have to dress up and go. I hope you understand.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know if he will ever see him again, but the taller bends down to leave a short kiss to his head. Once he’s dressed, Kyungsoo says nothing else when he walks away and shuts the door of his bedroom.
Kyungsoo doesn’t cry, nor does he feel any hint of loneliness. Instead, he reaches out for the small notebook already prepared on his desk to write with an urgency of lyrics about a bittersweet evening flowing through him.
~
“So, how was Park Chanyeol? I heard you hooked up with him last night.”
Today is Kyungsoo’s day off, the day of the week in which he leaves no room for schedules or side activities and instead dedicates it to his writing sessions and song compositions. It's a little past lunch time, but Kyungsoo makes himself a coffee with the sound of Baekhyun’s voice on speaker mode, reverberating through the other line of his phone on top of the kitchen counter.
“He was okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo repeats as if Baekhyun didn’t hear him. “He was okay.”
“You and I both know that you can do better than just okay,” Baekhyun counters. “Let me ask you the same question, but in a language that you know better, eh? Tell me, Kyungsoo, what does he sound like?”
If there is anyone who knows about heartbreak a little more than anyone else, Do Kyungsoo is the person to go to. The rest of South Korea seems to agree with this, because nowadays when the radio is turned on and cars are stuck in a traffic jam, people are listening to Kyungsoo’s In the Lonely Hour album.
Kyungsoo is the type of singer that never runs out of stories to tell and music to create. When people keep their precious memories in photographs, Kyungsoo turns these conquests into three minute ballads and sensational pop songs.
And what topic could be any more familiar and riveting than love and its distress.
Kyungsoo has experienced a lot of relationships and breakups in his life, some even being more drastic than others. But out of all of his experiences in life, one thing is for sure: There is never a love that Do Kyungsoo doesn’t sing about.
He’s promised himself to stop looking for love, completely removing dates and relationships from his priorities. But even so, he is always ready to look for a story to tell and a song to sing.
And today, Kyungsoo talks to Baekhyun about his latest song.
“Chanyeol sounds like another ballad. His voice is a deep baritone; a rich tone full of good intentions but with broken promises. He has the carefree spirit of an acoustic track but is accompanied by some soft piano, like the gentleness of his touch. His music is a pleading soul, similar to the kind of sound that you hear at gospels. Chanyeol is a combination of highs and lows, but a lovely resonance throughout the whole track.”
“Ballads are your specialty, after all. How far have you gone with the lyrics?”
“It’s one big conflict between feeling needy for something more than just the physical touch, and also being fully aware that a one night stand isn’t love.”
“A ‘one night stand’, huh? Does that mean-“
“I’ve just finished the lyrics this morning.”
“How about a title? Anything in mind yet?”
“... Stay With Me.”
“Brilliant!” Baekhyun screams through the phone. “He sounds wonderful. But geez, Soo. Was Park Chanyeol that great in bed?”
Kyungsoo is sure Baekhyun doesn’t see him, but he makes sure to roll his eyes.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”
“Maybe I will,” Baekhyun teases. “So, now that you’re done writing your new song, how about you spend a little time with your best friend a.k.a. me tonight?”
“This is supposed to be my writing day, remember?” Kyungsoo complains in a pout. The idea of breaking his routine sounds unpleasant to the singer, but if there is one person he trusts in this world of lonely hearts, it’s Byun Baekhyun. “What is it that you want now?”
“Well, it’s actually not what I want. You see, I met someone.”
Kyungsoo brings his coffee to the counter, then takes a seat on the stool to listen attentively to his best friend. “Oh?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Sure,” he says, trying not to sound sarcastic. “At least that’s what everyone says, right?”
“Right, but this is different. Anyway, his name is Kim Jongin, and he’s a ballet dancer. Heard of him?”
Kyungsoo places the mug to his lips and tastes the strong espresso, thinking about the possible instances that he's come across that familiar name.
“I guess the name does ring a bell.”
“Well, it should. He'd be very disappointed if you have no clue as to who he was.”
Kyungsoo scoffs. “I highly doubt that. Why would he be?”
“Don’t be too sure of yourself, Kyungsoo. The last time me and that dancer spoke, he seemed to be quite interested in you.”
“Really now?” Kyungsoo asks, still unconvinced.
“Yes. In fact, he… asked if he could meet you tonight.”
Kyungsoo leaves the mug on the table and can only glower at his phone as if it’s the caller’s face he’s looking at.
“Baekhyun. Don’t tell me you’re actually going to set me up with this Jongin.”
“I don’t see why not.” Baekhyun answers nonchalantly. “He gave us complimentary tickets to his dance recital for tonight. Come on, Kyungsoo, I bet it’ll be fun! Don’t you fancy these type of things?”
“Not when my manager and supposed-to-be best friend is trying to set me up with a dancer!” Kyungsoo groans. “I’m not going.”
Baekhyun sighs over the phone.
“Look, I know you try not to go out on dates and get into serious relationships anymore, and it’s fine. We don’t have to meet Jongin if you don’t want to, but can we at least just have fun and watch the show? It is complimentary tickets.”
Kyungsoo brings the mug to his mouth again and takes a longer sip. He thinks Baekhyun does have a point, and it might not be a bad idea to get some inspiration somewhere else other than an empty house.
Now it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to sigh. “Okay, fine.”
“Fine what?”
“Fine,” Kyungsoo says. “We’ll go.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Baekhyun says, laughing in the background. “Dress nice, and I’ll see you later!”
Baekhyun hangs up while Kyungsoo finishes his coffee and makes a mental note to bring a ballpen just in case.
~~
When Kyungsoo thinks of ballet, he is instantly reminded of the sound of The Nutcracker and Swan Lake, just a few of the timeless music that he’s listened to since he was a child. He assumes that the show will mostly compose of classical songs and string quartet, so he doesn’t expect too much of anything different.
Baekhyun excitedly drags Kyungsoo with him inside the theatre, making their way to the front of the stage and greeting guests with ninety degree bows along the way. When they take the middle seats on the second row, Kyungsoo starts to feel uncomfortable.
“Is this really our seat?” Kyungsoo whispers. “Don’t you think we’re a little too close?”
“It was Jongin’s suggestion,” Baekhyun answers. “He said it’s the perfect spot.”
“Are you sure he’s not your type? You seem to be ecstatic to see him.”
“I told you, Kyungsoo. The reason why we’re here is because of the dancer’s own request. He’s the ecstatic one, while I’m only doing what I think is proper.”
“Oh, you mean sell your artist to some stranger?” Kyungsoo mocks.
“He isn’t exactly a stranger,” Baekhyun defends. “He’s a national artist, for your information. He’s just like you. I honestly think you two will get along.”
Kyungsoo raises a brow at the other. “And in what aspect are you talking about, Baekhyun?”
He turns to meet his eyes and grins mischievously.
“In terms of music.”
Before Kyungsoo can say anything else, the lights shut off and the curtains open. It’s dark except for the spotlight on the center of the stage and a man’s silhouette. When the music starts to play, there’s a loud applause that surrounds the theatre with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo following their lead.
“That’s him,” Baekhyun quickly says as he points to the man onstage. Kyungsoo nods silently to him in response and says nothing, not even when his heart skips a beat.
Kyungsoo hears the familiar piece of Claire de Lune playing in the background, but Kyungsoo doesn’t pay attention. Listening is an entirely different thing, because it’s not the song that Kyungsoo focuses on, but the ballet dancer they called Kim Jongin, and his refined dancing that somewhat keeps him in a trance.
There’s something special about the way Jongin’s body moves so elegantly, his graceful limbs that stretch wide but hold enough control. Kyungsoo almost thinks it’s not the music that the dancer is dancing to, but Jongin leading the melody with his feet.
Kyungsoo doesn’t know much about ballet or any other dance, but he knows what separates this dancer from the rest: passion.
“You know,” Baekhyun speaks softly next to him. “Now that I think about it, more than my type, I think he might be yours.”
He receives a hard punch to his ribs, but a small smile appears on the singer’s face.
Kim Jongin definitely has passion, and Kyungsoo thinks that he may just be right.
The show lasts for an hour and a half. Baekhyun thinks the duration time seems short for a dance recital, but Kyungsoo disagrees and says it’s enough-long enough to leave Kyungsoo unable to move from his seat, especially from that last performance where Jongin demonstrates his dancing in the water, lying on the square puddle doing body waves that wash over Kyungsoo like an uncontrollable tsunami.
There’s also that part in the show where he thinks Jongin finally sees him, his own curious eyes meeting briefly with intense eyes that stare back at him. He doesn’t know if he remembers it right, but the thought has him smiling to himself with a faint blush suddenly appearing on his cheeks.
“Are you okay?”
It’s Baekhyun’s voice and a slight nudge on his arm that takes Kyungsoo back to reality. He remains in his seat with people slowly leaving the theater and the other standing next to him.
“Yes.” Kyungsoo answers shortly, not wanting to get caught thinking about the dancer who isn’t supposed to invade his thoughts. “I think.”
“We should get going then.” He says and starts to walk away.
The singer follows quietly behind him, but as soon as they exit the theatre, something inside him stops.
Kyungsoo doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s considering of changing his mind.
Baekhyun turns around to see him staring at his feet.
“Kyungsoo?”
He shyly looks up at his manager and swallows his pride.
“Baekhyun,” He starts, “Do you think meeting Kim Jongin is still a possibility? I mean, it’d be rude not to thank him for the complimentary tickets, right?”
Baekhyun pauses, staring questioningly at the singer and trying to muffle his laughter.
He breaks into a smile, one that’s knowing and not-so-innocent.
“Looks like someone enjoyed the show more than he thought he would.”
“Shut up.”
“I knew this was going to happen.”
“It’s not a big deal, I just want to meet him-“
“That’s not what you said when I first asked you if we could see the show. You-“
“Alright!” Kyungsoo shushes him with a finger to his lips. “I get it. You win, Baekhyun. Can we please just meet the dancer and get this over with?”
Baekhyun gives him one last grin before making a phone call, informing the receiver that they are on their way to see Kim Jongin, the name causing Kyungsoo to swallow hard and his heart beating twice as fast.
~
When Kyungsoo and Baekhyun take a path around the theatre and enter backstage, the singer makes sure to give his best friend another punch before entering the white walls of the dressing rooms when he whispers I feel a song coming up.
They stand in front of one that has Kim Jongin printed at the center.
Baekhyun knocks twice before they hear a voice call from behind: a soft and deep ’come in’ resonating from inside, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know why his heart is pounding hard from his chest.
Baekhyun opens the door to peek in while Kyungsoo stands nervously behind him with sweaty hands.
“You can follow right after I come in, okay?” Baekhyun informs. Kyungsoo nods and watches the other enter the room and disappear from his sight. The door is left open enough for Kyungsoo to sneak a glance at strawberry faded hair, but he’s reconsidering his thoughts because Kyungsoo’s not ready for this, not ready for the possibility of risking his heart again.
But who says his heart is at risk?
It won’t hurt to meet the dancer just once in his life.
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath before slowly entering the dressing room, stepping in while the people inside continue to talk jokingly. He sees Baekhyun’s back turned to him deep in conversation with another man, taller and with a complexion darker than his, a golden brown that stands out from where he stands.
He can’t see his face, but he can already feel eyes searching for him as if they’ve been waiting for the singer.
Baekhyun suddenly turns Kyungsoo’s way and beams.
“Oh, there he is! Kyungsoo, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
Baekhyun steps aside to reveal him, the eyes that gaze back at him with an intensity so strong, so overwhelming, and so captivating.
There’s a hint of a smile in Jongin’s thick lips, and Kyungsoo has to control himself from staring too much. He takes a step forward, the height difference already evident when he looks down at him, with chocolate brown orbs never leaving his. Kyungsoo stands only inches apart from broad shoulders and a well-built figure that’s still a bit drenched from his last performance, his white see through polo and black leather pants clinging tightly to his body.
The singer is distracted for a moment before Jongin offers a hand out to him, another smile appearing on his face with glowing eyes.
“Do Kyungsoo, It’s finally nice to meet you.”
There’s a certain tone to Kim Jongin’s voice that makes Kyungsoo lose his breath, a certain ‘hello’ that sounds just like ‘come here’.
He slowly reaches out for his hand and gasps when Jongin already has a hand on his, the texture of his rough palm smoothing over his own in a gentle handshake. His hand is cold, but Kyungsoo feels a sudden warmth spread over him like wildfire.
“Likewise,” He breathes, realizing that he’s been holding his breath for the longest time and mentally slaps himself for sounding ridiculous in front of him.
There’s a brief silence that fills the atmosphere, one with less words and more staring into each other’s eyes, as if it was just the two of them inside the intimacy of the dressing room.
As much as Baekhyun enjoys the sight, he feels a bit uncomfortable from the slow-burning tension that builds and clears his throat.
“So, Kyungsoo. Jongin’s been telling me how he's a big fan of your songs. Isn’t that right, Jongin?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the slight movement of Jongin’s eyes that move past his own, travelling to his lips and staying there.
“I’m a huge fan, yes. But more so a huge fan of you.”
The singer doesn’t know what to make of Jongin’s words. He doesn’t have a clue as to what his motives are at this point-whether the dancer was trying to sweep him off his feet or wanting to get into his pants.
Kyungsoo thinks that whatever it is, it’s working. Again.
“Well, thank you. Your performance was quite amazing tonight as well.”
A small smile forms in the beautiful man’s face and a faint blush stains his own cheeks.
“So, now that introductions are over,” Baekhyun brings a hand to Jongin’s shoulder to give him a light squeeze. “I guess I’ll leave you two at it.“
“Wait, what?” Kyungsoo asks frantically as he watches the other walk past him and make his way to the dressing room’s door.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” Baekhyun apologizes, “I forgot to tell you that I have somewhere to attend to right now, and that I’m going to have to leave you here with Jongin.”
Baekhyun flashes him a smug smile, and Kyungsoo glares at him because he knows he’s anything but sorry.
He sends Kyungsoo a wink before walking out and leaves with, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite. At least not yet.”
When Baekhyun shuts the door, Kyungsoo turns back to see Jongin still staring at him with a glint in his eyes that wasn’t there before, an awkward and crooked smile tugging upward from his lips.
Kyungsoo’s going to have to deal with Baekhyun some other time.
The dancer steps out in a plain white t-shirt, denim skinny jeans and a black cap over his cotton candy locks when the singer waits outside the dressing room. They exchange brief glances, and Kyungsoo expects the dancer to take him out for a drink or two, maybe even invite him to his place.
The singer’s experience with other men plays a great influence to his thoughts and permits him to look past these encounters, but Kyungsoo finds out that Jongin may not be like other men.
“Let’s get you home, shall we?” He asks, a friendly grin plastered on his face.
Kyungsoo nods, returning an equally enthusiastic smile before walking out the building together with the thought that this may not be so bad after all.
The dancer discovers that Kyungsoo lives a few walks away from the theatre, coincidentally at a house blocks away from his own apartment. They walk next to each other, taking slow steps and engaging in small talk that’s mostly composed of random things such as the weather and the last movie that they both have seen.
Their conversation is cut short when they enter the singer’s village and reach his front porch faster than expected. They stand in front of the main door, and when Kyungsoo looks up he is once again enchanted at eyes that bore intensely into his own.
It’s quiet, and Kyungsoo suddenly finds it hard to speak.
Before Kyungsoo can say anything else, the dancer already beats him to it.
“Hey,” Jongin starts, “Things didn’t really turn out the way I wanted it to be. I was going to take you out to dinner after the recital, but things felt unnatural and everything just turned into a really awkward setup, and I don't want to force you to go out with me. But anyway, I was thinking…” He clears his throat, “Maybe I could make it up to you next time? I’d really like to see you again.”
Kyungsoo knows he can say no if he wanted to, but Kyungsoo thinks there’s something special about Jongin, so he smiles and says, “I think I’d like that.”
Kyungsoo turns away for a moment to pull his keys out of his pocket and open the door.
“Thank you for the tickets, by the way,” Kyungsoo says. “It was a really great show-”
When he spins around to face the dancer, he doesn’t expect him to be inches away from his own face, Kyungsoo’s back already pressed against the door while Jongin hovers slightly above him with eyes locked one more time.
Kyungsoo feels his heart race as Jongin’s hand reaches for his and brings it to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on the back of his hand before bringing it back down with a squeeze. He moves back, and the singer can see that Jongin’s smile is different-still charming, but also a little bit of treacherous.
“I’m really glad you came tonight, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo wants to say the same, but instead says nothing and watches Kim Jongin walk away and pirouette into Kyungsoo’s fantasies.
~
On days when Kyungsoo isn’t busy writing music, he is helping out his previous arts college to teach voice lessons or guest at university concerts.
Today Kyungsoo is alone inside the training room to practice for an upcoming acoustic festival. He plans to perform three songs: two of his latest, and a new song that he is yet to create. He doesn’t have any inspiration in mind, so he sits in front of the piano and plays a note with the hopes of discovering a potential song.
One note becomes two, then comes a third note. The notes soon turn into repeated keys playing over and over, until after a while Kyungsoo spontaneously discovers the words,
We were made to love, we were made to love…
Kyungsoo sings words that aren’t familiar to him, the piano following a symphony that flows continuously from random notes being played, on the search for something to sing about-maybe even someone.
The singer doesn’t have to search far, because all too suddenly he hears a man’s voice comment in the background.
“No wonder why I thought I heard something lovely.”
Kyungsoo freezes and his music is put to a halt. Jongin stands a few feet away, arms crossed and body leaning against the room’s door frame. He wears a white shirt matched with black pants and simple sneakers, a smile stretched wide upon his face with eyes staring meticulously at him.
His heartbeat accelerates. The singer didn’t expect to see him just after two days since their first meeting, considering that they haven’t had the chance to exchange numbers.
Kyungsoo didn’t think that he would see Kim Jongin again, even if there was a small part of him that wanted to.
But sometimes life just has to give him things he doesn’t openly wish for, like leave the training room’s door open for the dancer to hear him.
“What… What are you doing here?”
Kyungsoo asks almost defensively, as if he was interrogating Jongin.
The dancer quirks a brow at him in surprise.
“Am I not allowed to be here? Should I just leave?”
Flustered and in mild panic, Kyungsoo tries to take back his words stuttering, “N-no, I just-“
Jongin laughs at the singer as he casually walks towards the piano. “I’m only teasing you, Kyungsoo. Are you working on something right now?”
Kyungsoo watches Jongin stop next to the lid of the grand piano, leaving enough distance for him to see the dancer and the ridiculously charming smirk on his face.
All concentration is lost at this point, with the dancer being only meters away from Kyungsoo and his own little bubble of music notes and scary thoughts. The singer tries to not let Jongin get to him and plays the first note as a test, trying to recall the rest of the keys that he’s previously used for the song he’s about to create.
“Maybe,” Kyungsoo answers. “It’s not really anything yet, although I’ve already started with a couple of notes.”
“Well, it sounds great from outside. Although I’m not surprised, you know… Since it’s you.”
Kyungsoo looks up to Jongin with an elbow propped up on the piano and eyes fixated on him, as if what he just said isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
The singer is powerless over the dancer’s eyes and can’t help but stare back, the eye contact lasting longer than it should.
“Can you sing me something, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks him, his gentle voice echoing in his ear. “I want to hear more from you.”
Kyungsoo pauses, his fingers turning rigid in place without any reason as to why he’s become so nervous.
“What would you like to hear?” Kyungsoo asks.
A mild grin flashes upon Jongin’s face in amusement.
“Whatever you like to say,” he simply says.
He doesn’t know what Jongin means by that, but he continues where he left off and plays the same notes as before, his fingers almost memorizing every key used.
They stay like this for a while inside the training room, with the singer’s music playing in the atmosphere while Jongin watches him in awe and amazement.
Kyungsoo doesn’t realize that maybe he’s looking for the music in the wrong direction, and that maybe he’s bound to look for the song inside Jongin’s eyes.
Jongin decides to stay with Kyungsoo until he finishes, only to end up leaving the school building together. They quickly spot a tiny pub blocks away, and suddenly there’s a brief exchange of awkward glances between the two and a silent invitation hanging in the air before they find themselves stepping inside.
The lights are dim with soft music playing in the background as the pair settles next to each other on stools in front of the bar. The air already smells like a mixture of smoke and sweat, and even if Kyungsoo prefers someplace different for a first date, he doesn’t mind when Jongin orders two glasses of amaretto sours with a hand resting lightly on his kneecap as if he’s securing him in place leaving no escape for the singer.
Kyungsoo doesn’t worry about talking because Jongin immediately engages him in a one sided conversation about the dance classes that he teaches dance lessons in the same arts school that the singer visits and leaves small hints about his other hobbies like how he likes to read manga during his spare time.
Amidst the many voices that crowd and chat away inside the tight space and music playing, the dancer speaks to Kyungsoo with a voice that isn’t impossible to hear, leaning close with his face inches apart from his own.
Jongin chooses to turn the tables around, taking a sip from his half-consumed glass before asking, “So, what does the famous Do Kyungsoo do for fun, aside from writing sad love songs?”
The singer replies with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Nothing more interesting than that. I think I’m a particularly boring person.”
“That doesn’t seem like the Kyungsoo I met days ago,” Jongin counters. “And also not the Kyungsoo I know when I listen to the music he makes.”
He looks at the dancer suspiciously. “Have you been always been curious about my songs?”
“I’m sure everyone has,” Jongin answers casually, “But lately, I’ve been more curious about you.”
Kyungsoo raises a brow at him. “No one’s ever been curious about me. I’ve always thought that I was an open book.”
There’s something unexplainable in Jongin’s eyes when he stares at the smaller.
“I just wonder how even after going through relationships from people who have only taken your heart for granted, you can still leave enough space in your heart for other people to love.”
The singer doesn’t have a response to this. To use the word love is nothing foreign to him-He can’t count the numerous times that he’s used the term in his music and the all-too-many songs that he’s sung.
The thought hits Kyungsoo hard, because he’s not certain if he’s ever truly loved someone, or even knows what the word means.
Kyungsoo answers anyway.
“I don’t think I’ve ever thought about looking for someone to fill the empty space that people have left inside me. Maybe it’s always been about looking for the right person to take my heart and break it.”
Jongin says nothing but smiles. He lifts the glass in front of him, eyes never leaving his when he says, “To the person who will break your heart, and to the right person who will break it.”
Kyungsoo lifts his own glass and clonks their drinks together, unaware of the way the dancer stares longingly at him.
It’s flirty conversations and mixed drinks later when Kyungsoo’s head throbs painfully along to the loud and heavy beat of the music.
Jongin checks on the singer next to him who has a hand lazily trying to lift his face from the table, then shouts loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear.
“Hey, are you alright?” Jongin asks. “Do you want me to take you home?”
Kyungsoo slowly turns to him with a sluggish grin on his face and a giggle that slips from his mouth like hiccups. The dancer takes this as a yes and confirms that from the look of his reddening face, the singer is slightly drunk.
Jongin stands before helping the other get up from his seat and make their way out of the pub with a protective hand on his waist and an arm over his shoulder.
Kyungsoo is sure that he can stand on his own, but his head screams a thousand profanities when he feels Jongin’s fingers rubbing the patch of skin on his waist, securing his arm around him as if he’s dead weight. The night is young and the singer may be drunk, but he isn’t the type of drunk to see beyond the dancer’s subtle stares and hinted touches as they get closer to his front porch, but maybe it’s because he can’t find it in himself to see beyond it.
When they reach his house and take the steps leading to his front door, Kyungsoo is once again leaning back against it with Jongin standing in front of him, a little too close for comfort.
It starts to feel just like their first meeting, except for the hefty tension left in the air and the dancer’s hands resting on both sides of his hips. Jongin leans close until their faces are merely inches apart, his breath smelling like the strong poison he’s consumed, ghosting over the smaller man’s lips and causing him to shiver.
The silence is present once again, along with the presence of something else in the form of unspoken words and thirsty gazes from both the singer and dancer.
There are no thank yous or I’ll see you soons, but Kyungsoo is unaware of how his hands end up clutching tightly to Jongin’s shirt, while fingers dig hard on his own skin as if they are meant to leave marks.
“I should go.” Jongin softly says.
Kyungsoo’s drunkenness quickly wears off while his senses feel very much alive, eyes drifting to the dancer’s lips, wanting to taste the liquor in them.
He tightens his grip on Jongin’s shirt, responding with a whispered ’okay.’
It’s quiet, and Kyungsoo knows it’s easy to just open the door and go inside so Jongin will do the same and walk away.
Only Jongin doesn’t walk away.
And just like all nights, Kyungsoo thinks it’s easier to let the dancer in.
~~
Kyungsoo wakes up alone, with last night’s events crashing down on him like sudden waves in his head.
It’s quiet, but the fragments of last night’s memories are loud in his head. The disappointment of another morning in his empty bed welcomes him, along with the hangover disguised as a shrilling headache. Kyungsoo is used to waking up in the blankness of the room, but it’s the first time in a long time since he’s felt this upset.
Kyungsoo thinks Jongin could have been a game changer in his collection of stories, but like most people that come and go in his life, it turns out the dancer had only stayed long enough for a good fuck and couldn’t even stay the night.
It’s not like he hasn’t waited for this-for Kim Jongin, the famous ballet dancer, to turn into one of his newest songs.
The singer is not in the mood to write, so he decides to put his thoughts aside for later and saves them for his next writing session.
He stands from the bed to grab the first thing he sees off the floor and drape the thin piece of clothing over his head before leaving the room.
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember any of his shirts being a size bigger but is wearing one that easily falls until his knees. Just then, he realizes that it’s the least of his concerns when the familiar smell of coffee wafts through the air and the crackle of something being fried reaches his ear.
When the singer gets to the first floor of his house and passes the living room, he is met with the sight of Jongin’s bare back turned to him, concentrating on the thick slabs of bacon sizzling on the pan in front of him with two plates of sunny side-up eggs and pancakes already waiting for him on top of the dining table across the kitchen.
Kyungsoo is left wide-eyed, still watching in mere shock as the dancer transfers the bacon to a new plate and walks over to the table, finally catching him just when he’s about to return to the kitchen.
As soon as their eyes meet, a smile comes across Jongin’s face-sincere and unpretentious.
”Breakfast?” Jongin asks.
There are no words, only meaningful stares and looks of contentment shared inside the singer’s home and intricate life.
Amidst the confusing noise ringing and inside Kyungsoo’s head, he thinks he can get used to this kind of silence, with Jongin’s presence to keep his heart beating in a crescendo that never ends.
( part 2 )