I've taken villeinage's lead a few times. They were people that had wound up on my flist, but we really didn't converse regularly or share too many common interests. In other words, I couldn't figure out how they'd gotten onto my flist (or I got onto theirs) in the first place. I simply defriended and felt lighter for it.
For the folks who are on my flist? I agree with ennui_blue_lite: If one of them was ever to post such an entry, I'd respond supportively.
I kind of suck at defriending, though. Sad, I know, but I've never done it. My flist isn't huge or anything, just about average sized, and I've never felt the need to trim it. I'm just pleased to have people willing to friend me, I suppose--it would make me feel ungrateful to reject that.
But of course, if someone I knew to be ordinarily calm and reasonable posted an entry suggesting something drastic then yes, absolutely I'd respond. I guess it's a matter of context.
My girlfriend actually goes out of her way to find journals with nothing but miserable post after miserably post...just so she can mock them.
And generally, I agree. The people making those posts are usually overdramatic teenagers. Besides, I have no pity for these people. I've lived with depression my whole life, and while not all of my entries are happy ones, I've done my damndest to overcome it and be happy. These people seem to wallow in their despair, and if they want to live their lives like that, then it's fine with me. You are your own master, and if you're unhappy, then fix it because bitching about it isn't going to help.
If it's someone on my f-list, then it's normally different. Sometimes you have a bad day, and you make a miserable post, and that's fine. In that case, I'm sympathetic.
I think I can see both sides of that. On the one hand, yes, if people are just going to sit and complain and wish things were better, then I'm not inclined to be sympathetic. Then again, if someone wants to vent on their personal journal, that's their right. I can and will be understanding and supportive up to a point. I guess it depends on how often it happens and what exactly the person is complaining about.
I've been known to unfriend people if their journals were too full of cries for help. I know! I'm cold and heartless! But if these are people that I don't know, people that I friended because I liked their fiction or because they friended me and I checked out their journals and they seemed funny and interesting -- virtual strangers, in other words -- then I feel that it's a little wrong of them to involve me in their despair.
Okay, I can understand that (and of course, I assume you must have an flist of epic proportions, being well known in fandom) and to a certain degree, we are all strangers. I mean, I've never met any of my online friends in real life. I'm careful not to use my real name or give out personal information, because even though I like the people I talk to on LJ, I don't really know them. So yes, there is a divide between people you're friends with because of a common fandom or interest, and people you're friends with because you are part of each other's personal lives.
I know I make posts like that on occasion, but generally its because I don't want to bother my flist with what I know is a whole long emo-ish (emo-esque?) story that probably won't be an issue a week later. I do it because I want to write down that one sentence where I know other people will see it even if no one responds. *shrugs*
I try to stick to the upbeat and humorous. But since I don't talk about my feelings much in RL, having an LJ is a good way to get the more emotional side of me out with out making a fool of myself in front of my friends.
That being said, depending on how well I know the person, I generally either roll my eyes and then continue on my way OR leave a comment asking what's up or offering some sort of advice.
Oh, we all make posts like that. I mean, I've never gone so far as to make ominous and suggestive comments about razor blades or anything (mostly because I'd moved beyond the emo teenage stages well before I got an LJ), but I've certainly done my share of complaining. I actually take for granted that most of my flist is going to ignore that. I mean, generally, people are here because we have fandom interest in common--they don't care about my personal life. And that's fine, because it means I can complain and not feel guilty that I'm burdening anyone.
The anonymity of the internet can be a blessing in cases like that, because you can vent and say all the things you want to say, and have the satisfaction of knowing that someone is probably reading, listening, as it were, but there's a certain impersonal distance. Like talking to a psychiatrist.
Ooh, I've had this mental debate with myself many times. I didn't answer the poll, because I think I've done all of those things at one time or another. Except maybe the last one - I don't usually feel inclined to mock others' depression, whether or not they're being overdramatic.
It really really depends on the circumstances - how well I know the person, how often they do it, etc. I tend to err on the side of being supportive, because if someone's only outlet is LJ, that's pretty sad, and I'd hate to think that I could give someone much-needed support and withheld it because of some sense of emotional superiority or something. But if I really get the sense that someone is just seeking attention, I ignore it.
It's a tough one! An interesting post and I'm enjoying seeing others' thoughts on this. Thanks for starting this conversation! :)
It really does all depend on context, doesn't it? I mean, I have some friends online who I feel closer to than others, and you get to know what to expect after a while. If there's someone who frequently makes emo posts, you just learn to shrug and move on, because there's nothing you can say that will really help and they'll be fine shortly anyway. But if someone who is usually upbeat and calm suddenly seems depressed, then yeah, that's cause for concern.
I think we need to understand there is an important difference between LJ friends and real life friends. Most of the people on my flist are not interested in my personal life, and I wouldn't expect them to be. It baffles me when I see postings by people who genuinely expect strangers on the internet to care deeply about their own personal issues.
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For the folks who are on my flist? I agree with ennui_blue_lite: If one of them was ever to post such an entry, I'd respond supportively.
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But of course, if someone I knew to be ordinarily calm and reasonable posted an entry suggesting something drastic then yes, absolutely I'd respond. I guess it's a matter of context.
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And generally, I agree. The people making those posts are usually overdramatic teenagers. Besides, I have no pity for these people. I've lived with depression my whole life, and while not all of my entries are happy ones, I've done my damndest to overcome it and be happy. These people seem to wallow in their despair, and if they want to live their lives like that, then it's fine with me. You are your own master, and if you're unhappy, then fix it because bitching about it isn't going to help.
If it's someone on my f-list, then it's normally different. Sometimes you have a bad day, and you make a miserable post, and that's fine. In that case, I'm sympathetic.
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I try to stick to the upbeat and humorous. But since I don't talk about my feelings much in RL, having an LJ is a good way to get the more emotional side of me out with out making a fool of myself in front of my friends.
That being said, depending on how well I know the person, I generally either roll my eyes and then continue on my way OR leave a comment asking what's up or offering some sort of advice.
=P
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The anonymity of the internet can be a blessing in cases like that, because you can vent and say all the things you want to say, and have the satisfaction of knowing that someone is probably reading, listening, as it were, but there's a certain impersonal distance. Like talking to a psychiatrist.
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It really really depends on the circumstances - how well I know the person, how often they do it, etc. I tend to err on the side of being supportive, because if someone's only outlet is LJ, that's pretty sad, and I'd hate to think that I could give someone much-needed support and withheld it because of some sense of emotional superiority or something. But if I really get the sense that someone is just seeking attention, I ignore it.
It's a tough one! An interesting post and I'm enjoying seeing others' thoughts on this. Thanks for starting this conversation! :)
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I think we need to understand there is an important difference between LJ friends and real life friends. Most of the people on my flist are not interested in my personal life, and I wouldn't expect them to be. It baffles me when I see postings by people who genuinely expect strangers on the internet to care deeply about their own personal issues.
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