on relationships, marriage, and happily ever after...

[kalispice]

Lately, my friends have been coming to me (the only married one in the bunch) for relationship advice. So, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and why some work out and some don't. I used to believe in the idea of soul mates; the one person in the universe created for me. I don't anymore. That's not to say that I don't believe in true love

Comments

[unpossibly]

i enjoyed reading this entry (and yes, i'm still here on LJ, despite lack of posts... my life is too dull to write in more than 140 characters at a time). and i very much believe as you do, that there are several people we all could've married. sometimes it's just bad luck that two people don't end up together, whether it'd be bad timing, or missed opportunities. i can think of two or three girls i think i would've been quite happy to have ended up with. i don't like the concept of soulmate, because what if one of those two or three was my soulmate? am i then shit-out-of-luck? actually, soulmate sounds too much like fate... because what are soulmates if not that they're meant to end up together, no matter the odds?

[kalispice]

My life is pretty dull too. :) I think life was more exciting when I was less mature... lots of dating, drama, and riff raff going around. Maturity = less excitement. But definitely healthier. Heh.

The more that I look at the successful couples around me, the deeper the pattern I see: compromise + forgiveness + the ability to have good conversations. I think those are the essential ingredients. Everything else is icing on the cake.

[unpossibly]

i agree with the patterns you see, especially the ability to have good convos. i've always viewed the "secret" to a successful relationship is to realize no one's perfect, and since no one is, the trick is to find someone with the faults you can tolerate / embrace / accept. if you're looking to change someone into what you want, you've already failed.

but then, i haven't had what you'd call a "successful" relationship, so everything i say is most probably hogwash (=

[jerree604]

Jess and I agree as well. We were at the same place at the same time and to this day, we can still put up with each other. I don't believe in soulmates because, for example, if i was living in a different city, I'm sure I'll find someone who can communicate, be trustworthy, and compromise. Physical chemistry is also important.

A good test to our relationship was our house renos. Both of us have different tastes with different ways of decision-making. At the end of it all, we are happy of what was accomplished and another mountain that we conquered.

[kalispice]

Hey Jer. :) You and Jess are such a great couple--one to set an example of a healthy relationship. It's evident hanging around you guys how much you love and respect one another. And you guys did the long distance thing too!

Now about those house renos... I must see! Post pics up soon, please. :) Andrew and I would drive each other bananas if/when we go through that. Glad you survived. Hehe.

[ddarius]

very interesting reflecting on what is and idealistic love; growth and perception. there's a lot of hard truth in your words. thanks for sharing :)

my grandparents were married for over 70 years, but would still hold hands and acted like silly teenagers in love. they kept it pretty simple and real. one thing i've come to know... most things in life are easier to keep strong if you keep it simple and real; especially if you're dedicated and appreciative.