Driving back to school today, I get off Rt 2 and onto 202 and realize that I'm seriously thirsty, so I pull up to the Dunkin Donuts that's right off the exit. Having discovered that coffee in large quantities does a bunch of undesirable things to me I decide I need something chai related and order a vanilla chai latte, medium, iced. The guy on the ( Read more... )

I've been doing this thing lately where I wake up inside my dreams. As if life inside the Dreaming Zone has been progressing independently from me for some indefinite amount of time and then, all of a sudden, there I am, a key player in a life I don't recognize or remember. I wake up, and I am myself, and I am horrified because I have no idea what ( Read more... )

Well, yeah, I'm still alive, although sometimes I wonder. Why is it that the less I write down, the less substantial I feel? As if words hold me together in some way that my atoms and molecules and muscles and tissue cannot, as if whatever I wrote down in a diary ten years ago says more about me than my sharpest memories. It seems this way ( Read more... )

Why is it that the most incredible things, the things that are most worth living for, are so often the most transient, the most fragile?

I've tried not to think about it for a long time but the truth is, around this time last year, almost everything changed. Things I'd thought would remain positively unalterable simply crumbled to the ground, or else twisted and shifted into something new, foreign, unrecognizable. The very nature of my life changed for me last summer, since I spent ( Read more... )

For now I am trying to figure out if I ran away from you for my sake, or for yours, or for the both of us. For the both of us? Are things really as complicated as that, or does it just seem that way? Which ones are really my reasons, and which have I added on for the sake of comfort or sanity or (I certainly hope not) self-righteousness? Is there ( Read more... )

I hardly ever write what I really want to say anymore. I suppose it's just that the internet isn't the place for it, but the sad thing is, when I don't write here, I barely write at all. I've kept up this journal mostly because of the positive effect my words have sometimes had on others, and partly because I sometimes feel as though I'll go ( Read more... )

It could be true that I have paid too much mind to my bruises. If you're going to let people leave marks, some of them are bound to be black and blue. And as far as I know (which is not very far at all), it could be true that everything heals in time. Who's to say?

Sometimes it's so hard to know how to do what's "right." What's best. What needs to be done. How to be there for someone without losing yourself. How to make a difference without stepping out of line. How to love without getting lost. How to love, at all. Was there ever a time when I knew? How can I measure these moments in my memory? How can I ( Read more... )

It's funny how sometimes people wander into your life by accident, and it takes no time at all for you to start wondering how you ever got along without them. I still find it hard to figure out which things in this life are built to last, but I think at least I am doing a better job of making it all count while I can. Sometimes it's okay to skip ( Read more... )