I sit here, having been informed only minutes ago of my inevitable fate in the coming year, I can not help but think of how unprepared and inadequate I am for the job ( Read more... )

i love the scene at the begining of eternal sunshine, as jim carey walks away and kate calls from window- the giddy enthusiasm he shows towards her, the lighting on the street, the snow as it falls in the light. it's hands down beautiful. i miss those moments in life, overlook them, focus only on the future, there is a problem in that. there is so ( Read more... )

i'm listening to the starting line, wishing i were anywhere but here. it's not that i can't handle it, or it's overwhelming, i just feel like i'm not contributing to anyone here. i'm dead weight for the parentals, i make a mess and am hardly home enough to clean it. my sister is bothered with every mention of my name and i don't really have friends ( Read more... )

today i found out that even my closest of friends will be a coniving little bitch.
i don't know what i did, and i certainly hope that i don't deserve this.
bad karma (by socieital definition), i hope.
i'm trying not to be upset, trying not to be bothered by it, trying not to take it personally, but what the hell am i supposed to do?

that is all.

almost two weeks ago, but what seems like an eternity, i went to lunch with a friend. the friend confronted [to use the lame term] me about some things i did, personality traits that he percieved to be purposeful actions in my day to day life. and this conversation has haunted me to this day ( Read more... )

after much discussion, and experience in situations, i am making an avid effort, even more so than before, to be who my instinctual self would be. i often over analyize and make things into what i want them to be and i am working to stop this. in a given situation i am often able to read the situation, and furthermore manipulate it to my advantage ( Read more... )

I spent some quality time with my good friend colin cahill tonight. it was quite enjoyable, largely due to the fact we hadn't seen one another in quite some time, what with his being in la and mine in minnesota, but i feel genuinely comfortable around him, and there are few who create that feeling within me. it reminded me of the time he and i ( Read more... )

i have never felt this way before.

such regret and such desire.

i turned down a date today, and i'll be turned down tomorrow.
for now i will drink to forget.

i drank last night. far too much.

i blacked out. woke up in a bathroom i had never seen before in my life, and then passed out again. not too mention the hangover i had allllll day. sometimes i just dont know how to control my drinking....

sleep is calling, i still feel sick.

There is nothing I love more than that initial sip of coffee, that flows into your blood and warms your body. It's as if it wraps my heart in a blanket and whispers it to sleep. I wouldn't trade that for the world ( Read more... )