That pretty much sums up how i feel. I tried talking to josh about what he wants to do and it's pretty much the same as it was 2 weeks ago. I give him everything and in the end i still end up alone. that's how it's been my whole like though. i give everything and get nothing. i'm sick of this shit. i am so sick of life right now. i am so ( Read more... )

To give up.. that's my final conclusion. Nothing's changing. Except for me. I'm tired of giving and giving and not getting anything in return. For nearly 2 weeks now I have done nothing but give and give and try to make him happy and I get treated the same way. All i want to do is cry... but that river of tears has run dry. We spend time ( Read more... )

So, I'm not sure how i'm feeling today. I think today may end up being a good day. we'll see how that goes. I found out that there's this girl that josh works with that he is "interested" in. I'm working on getting more details. josh told me he probably won't ever even talk to her, but that's not the point. he needs to stop fucking with my ( Read more... )

So, I feel like i will be writing in here a lot. I just have thoughts and no one to talk to, so i feel like I need to put all of them somewhere. I feel like Josh is trying to make me happy a little bit. I know he knows that I'm hurting. I wrote him a long letter last night, and put it on the tv so he would see it. I know he read it, but I don' ( Read more... )

So, i've decided that i have a lot of hurt and pain built up inside of me. so my fiancee who i'veb een with 3 1/2 years has broken up with me. I hate it because i was ready to settle down and start a family with him. for christ sakes, i fucking bought a house for us. now he's not sure if he wants to settle down. he thinks that we may be too ( Read more... )

so it's been quite awhile since i've updated this thingy. but i have a lot going on lately and i just needed to vent. so recently josh and i took a break. i made a stupid mistake during this break, but we ended up getting back together. i just need to work on drinking less and being more mature. i never really thought i was that immature to ( Read more... )

Hello! It has been a while since my last update. I guess I'm back to the online journaling thing. Well, I have good news-Josh and I are engaged!!! Yay!!! :) He proposed on christmas eve. It wasn't really that romantic..but at least he did it. Other than that, not too much has been happening in my life. I guess i can give you all a brief update ( Read more... )

I'm sick of all this fucking drama. It needs to end. The namecalling and shit is so elementary. GROW UP!!!! And to whomever called me a whore and got the story about me and Josh completely wrong.. have enough balls to at least sign your name. It's getting ridiculous with all these anonymous posts. everyone let jozi and steve be happy or unhappy ( Read more... )

I now remember why I gave up online journaling for so long.. oye...

My question to the world right now is why the fuck must we be creating so much fucking drama?!?!?!?!?! Steve-since you apparently are still reading this.. why the fuck can't you and jozi get it through your heads that I don't want you; I am not in love with you; I am not trying to break you two up! I have a b/f whom I am living with and am in ( Read more... )